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ParentsUncut Pod
This is a Podcast surrounding the adventure, struggle, beauty and intricacies of new parenthood. Hosted by three parents, totally 10 kids in together, they go through their mazes and phases of parenting styles, parenting norms, modern day parents, their trials and tribulations whilst keeping it raw and unfiltered. Thanking you for joining us on this journey and we hope we can bring some value to new parents, old parents and those thinking of becoming parents
ParentsUncut Pod
From Diapers to Dreams Balancing Acts in Modern Parenting | Episode 3 w / Zo | Pt 2
Ever wondered how to keep the spark of your personal dreams alive while wrangling the joyous chaos of parenting? Join us as we peel back the curtain on the high-wire act of raising kids and chasing ambitions. Through thick and thin, we unpack the secrets to syncing schedules with your partner and keeping communication as transparent as the glass ceilings we're shattering. Our conversation goes beyond the basics, delving into the heart of single parenting, the art of imbuing our children with our passions, and the dance of discipline in dual-parent households.
Parenthood is an expedition with no map, each day presenting its unique set of wonders and whirlwinds. This episode is stitched together with personal tales that paint the relentless nature of a parent's love, irrespective of how tall our kids grow. We get real about the imaginary friends who join our family dinners, the holiday spirits we summon even when we're running on fumes, and how our kids' laser-sharp honesty keeps us grounded. Our chat is a mix of laughter and learning, as we share stories from our own childhoods and the endless lessons that continue to shape us as parents.
As we wrap up this heart-to-heart, we don't just serve you advice—we serve up gratitude. To our fantastic listeners, our community, and of course, Amir, the wizard behind the curtain, thank you for making this journey an enlightening one. Whether you're a dad mastering the mop or a mom marking milestones, we're in this together, sharing strategies like chore boards to lighten the load. We promise you more than just practical tips; we promise you a place to find a little humor in the chaos and a lot of support in the stretches of solo singing in the car. Stay tuned, because there's so much more we're eager to share, from everyday antics to the transformative trials of togetherness.
Thank you for being here, thank you for your time and energy. We hope that we can ALL build this incredible community for parents by parents with parents.
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We're back. We had some food, so we're good. We're not hangry. We're not gonna get hangry. I saw any eyes, so the segment is called three questions.
Speaker 2:Three questions three for me. Come on, let's make a catchy man. Three questions, I like that. Three for you, three for you Three questions for you.
Speaker 1:So, to start off, we're gonna ask you to pick three numbers from three to from one to 20.
Speaker 2:One to 20. Let's give the first two.
Speaker 1:Give us the first number. First number is for Johnny.
Speaker 3:Oh seven.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's my favorite number Really. Oh, 27 is but seven. I'm just a weirdo, okay, oh, I like this one. It's everyone ready.
Speaker 4:Yeah ready.
Speaker 2:We all have to answer.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 2:How do you balance being a parent with pursuing your own personal goals and interests?
Speaker 3:I think it's scheduling. I think the big biggest thing is communicating with my partner, like what I have going on through the during the week, but also keeping the same energy, like running around the city, doing this, doing that, doing this, doing that. Gotta keep the same energy with your kid. So somehow, some way, even though you did 10,000 things, you still gotta have that conversation, have dinner with them, play with them, give them their time. So I would say, um, get on the schedule, put everything on the calendar, map things out, but also keep the same energy with your kid. Yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I agree 100% With me being a single mom. I don't have that. So it's like, um, always mom mode. But on the weekends I make sure to do things with them in the daytime, you know, like on the fall, apple picking, taking them out Twitter, Um, you know, I live in the suburbs now so they do play dates, Um, you know. And then at night, when I put them to bed at nine o'clock, that's my time to go out and do whatever I have to do, but it's always priorities first.
Speaker 4:Wow, For me that's a hard one, I feel like. For me it's definitely, yes, time management and just making sure that I'm present even when I'm tired. So, yeah, pretty much the same. But I have to continuously remind myself. You know they're smiling. I may not be smiling inside, so I have to be like hi, you know so giving them the same energy that they're giving me, because I'm obviously coming home from a long day of work and a lot of energy get going out, sucking you dry and then coming home and having to say, yep, maintain that. So yeah, time management is definitely a thing and maintaining your energy is definitely a thing.
Speaker 2:I try to. Well, at least what Penelope. I try to include her, so let her know what's going on, even with my interest, because I like to make motivational videos, I love real estate, all this stuff. I bought her GoPro so she can make her own videos. She sees me on YouTube. She likes it. Trying to find a way. I'm a singer, now she sings, which is awesome. I'm hearing her sing. It's a little competitive. I tell them you're not as good as Dota, but you good Just to get in her head though They'll be like, oh yeah, well, check this out.
Speaker 2:I think that's a big part of because your personal interests, at least from my perspective now tend to kind of involve them. Right, like you're not out here trying to establish a big podcast or a brand because you want this glorious light. Like you're looking for a way to not only connect with the community and follow your dreams but now provide them a path that they can see. Like yo, that's possible. Like I could do this. Isn't that like some far-fetched idea? Like I'm watching Adderley on YouTube, I could do it All. Right, my dad's doing it. He sucks. Like I'm sure I could do this. So I think, yeah, depending, obviously, right, like just, but also involving them, even if your interests are reggaeton or something like that, like letting them hear the music with you.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry you don't reggaeton Don.
Speaker 1:So your question? No, no, give us another number.
Speaker 3:I love you.
Speaker 1:I love it. Yo, you picking the numbers, baby. Yeah, that's 711.
Speaker 4:All right, how do you handle disagreements about parenting with your partner?
Speaker 3:I think, I think for me. I let things play out, you know. So he's a young man. Um, he needs a little bit more discipline. You know, my son is four one he's tall. You know he's three years old.
Speaker 2:At three, he's three.
Speaker 3:Jesus, you know what I mean, so he's nine, my daughter's eight.
Speaker 2:She just hit four feet.
Speaker 3:My whole thing is you gotta stop him while he's in his tracks. Now Try to create those boundaries and that structure, because he don't lift the finger to me but to his mother. He does, so why is he so comfortable? So I need you to establish those boundaries with him and because now I'm the disciplinarian, off the rip Everything is. He knows. But I need him to respect you as well. It's not fear, it's respect and knowing that you can't play with mommy like that either, because you're gonna tell you about yourself. And I'm from the spanking era, so I believe in it when it's necessary. I mean, I'm not saying being impulsive, I'm saying like three strikes you out, you got it coming, bro. So I'm gonna give you your chances and I've learned that. Ok, it can be the first thing he does. No, it's talking to him, sending him down, letting him know, but after a while it's like my brother, what don't you get? So for me I don't feel bad, no more. If I did, he deserved it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But on her end, that's between you and him, and I pray for you, sis.
Speaker 1:Well, I don't have a partner, so it's just basically on me.
Speaker 2:But the other parent right. So you have to, kind of like you guys disagree.
Speaker 1:There's really not that much involvement when it comes to disciplining, because he's not around, so I could say I'm gonna call your father.
Speaker 2:But it's a whole course.
Speaker 1:So he's gonna be like what he's gonna do. He lives like an hour away. So with me I have to be the tough guy I have to be like because I don't hit my kids. I don't even remember the last time I hit them Because I never got hit when I was growing up Weeks.
Speaker 2:Only a couple of times Damn. Just kidding.
Speaker 1:But I just I threaten them, I'm taking your game away, I'm taking your phone away. You're not going to go out with your friends after school. My little one, she's never bad, so I can't even say for my son, especially a boy. Me raising a boy it's harder because I have to make sure that he's always gonna act right and be respectful. So I talk to him a lot and he's at the age where he's learning my boundaries not to push them so much Because when he plays the game he be cursing.
Speaker 1:I'm like I'm gonna be cursed one more time. I'm gonna embarrass you and he knows I will.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna flash your friends online.
Speaker 1:Wow, yes.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:Not that far.
Speaker 4:For me the dynamic is really different because he's very militant and I'm more. I like the structure but my kids need to be kids and so where he brings in all of that kind of like, you got to do it this way and everything is like one, two, three, four, five, six, it's all in the steps. I'm like they need a break. They need a break, but they do know I get down with the get down. They do not disrespect me at all. They know that I very much will smack the fire out your ass and you are not going to disrespect me.
Speaker 4:Just by you threatening them and it's literally like I can go from one to the next Like, yeah, we could play and we're going to play all day and we'll joke all day. But that moment you get a little disrespectful. I'm like take me outside, let's go Like I will fight you.
Speaker 3:I'm with that.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so that's it's true, though they bigger than you two, they are bigger than me, but I will still box you out. That's right, they know mom gets hard. I'm little, I gotta pack a you know good punch Right. I don't punch them. Right, I don't beat my kids, but same you know like I'll talk to them, and when they get out of line, that's when they're getting the hand of God.
Speaker 2:I think, like with me, with their mom, she always thought I'm like the soft one, but for certain things and it's because, like you just said, my mom let me be a kid right, so I don't want to allow if she makes a mess or if she's painting in, some paint gets on the couch or something like that. So like she would even like complain sometimes, yo, when she goes to you on the weekend, she comes back with like these crazy habits and it's like it's not a crazy habit, it's a five year old kid, right, like it's a child. So, and then there's parts where I am tougher, like she knows not to mess with me with certain things, but she's also more playful with me because I don't have those strict rules. I don't know who is Neil deGrasse Tyson. He said something about that. He's like you are out of your mind if you're expecting this child to have all these things in order. Like a child's life is chaos, why they're learning, they're internalizing, they're curious through the roof. They don't know limits like we know limits. So it is tough because we do come from that household where it's like yo, you did something wrong. It was a straight slap across the mouth, like my mom was like her, like real tough. My mom was only five feet tall. She had two boys and a girl, so it was like all right, cool, let's go. It was knuckles to your face.
Speaker 2:So I also take from that and I'm like you know what, before I start wilding out, let me see, let me feel her out. Maybe she's going through something, because she may be an eight year old, but you still got hormones in your body, you're still a human being. You may have somebody at school told you some wild stuff and so whenever it comes to those discussions, we're like yo, how are we going to do this? We like to do it. Us, talk about it right. None of us jump the fence anymore Like we're like all right, boom, boom, boom. But I'm very much so like where mom says goes right, if it's obviously in sense, it makes sense, but we don't argue for doing other that crazy stuff. It's like yo, if she's doing something, I'm just like that is so not cool, I wait, and I didn't even like yo, that's nothing, it should do the same with me. I was like yo, such and such. I'm like oh, yo, you're right, man, I wasn't thinking.
Speaker 2:All right so you have to keep that piece. Yeah, they see you two feuding. They think they can go and fight with you.
Speaker 3:Right, right that energy from home carries with them, yeah, so it's really important to keep the piece.
Speaker 1:All right next question.
Speaker 2:Next number 17.
Speaker 1:17. 17, let's 17 again. Let's see, what do you wish you had known before becoming a parent?
Speaker 4:Yeah, it's tough. That's a tough one. Anybody got an answer for that.
Speaker 2:I got an answer, go ahead. I wish I knew I was such a bad liar as a kid, probably because, oh my god, he lying to my face and I'm just like, damn, you really think I'm this dumb? And then I heard I thought I was getting away with murder and I'm like yo mommy really bought that shit, not knowing. Is that we just kind of like mm-hmm?
Speaker 3:Yeah, ok, you got it. I believe that, so I just think that was I knew. It's not that I'm the Grinch, but it's like I had those holiday traditions in North Latina.
Speaker 3:I mean my mother. She did her best but it wasn't very festive. So I wish I knew that I was such a Debbie Downer. Around the holidays I could really drink Hiniwa sports and I'm having a great time. But it's like I got to be. I got to play into his imagination and, knowing that, I kind of lost my imagination. I'm kind of young, so I want him to be imaginative and creative and be a kid, but I really didn't know that. I really didn't give him. I don't care about holidays really. They were cool, some of them were better than others, but for the most part magic pajamas and all of that it was never really a thing I want you bro, yo, she's so good at that.
Speaker 4:She is Not this year I just can't.
Speaker 2:You know what you need to do to make your life worse for the next 10 years. Get this thing called Elf on the Shelf.
Speaker 1:Don't do it, oh my god, don't do it.
Speaker 2:Don't do it and you will have to place this elf for countless amount of days in different positions and make your kid believe that this elf was really coming from the North Pole and checking it out.
Speaker 1:I'm going to try to. No, don't do it.
Speaker 3:Look it up, I'm going to do it every year I'll give you, my elf, I need something you need it for your kid.
Speaker 4:Yo, I'm telling you.
Speaker 3:Everybody's there and I'm just like yeah, OK.
Speaker 4:so you're trying to hold yourself accountable.
Speaker 1:You're trying to hold yourself accountable, that's a picture with the grins. Oh my god adorable. So you and him? Yeah, so you see, I said that up.
Speaker 3:I said that up, that's fine.
Speaker 2:Is that it in L'Orealin? Yeah, yeah, I've seen it with the Black Santa. Let me know for next year. I've seen it.
Speaker 3:Those are my people. Yeah, for sure they do an Easter Bunny too, Buster, whatever his name is. Yeah, so they Let me know. You know I'm out doing none of that stuff. I'm sorry.
Speaker 4:I'm in the suburbs.
Speaker 1:Now I wish I'd known before becoming a parent. It's just, you're never done. You know my daughter, she's 19,. She moved out, she lives with her dad and you know I still worry about her every day. I still have to have that phone call or that text letting me know that she's good, that she ate. You know it's never ending. Even my mom, like my mom, is 75,. I'm about to be 40.
Speaker 3:My mom still makes sure I'm good all the time, you know, and I'm grateful for that, but you're never done Like it's that's over to my mother. Yeah, I mean same, I don't know, what that's like my mom call me every morning.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like clockwork, and my brother, who's 50 years old, my sister, who's 51 years old, my mom is just like yeah, I'm not like that and I wish that I was maybe like that a little bit more.
Speaker 4:I think the thing that I wish that I would have known was that I this is so hard, parenting is not easy. I've been a married parent, a single parent, a parent with you know, with you know, a significant other that's not the father of my kids, like, I've done it in different ways and it ain't easy either way. Right, everything is difficult, it is very difficult, and still gotta get up every day and do it. I don't get a break, and maybe that would have been a nice thing to you know before warned about was that you ain't gonna break.
Speaker 2:There's a study about that, in terms of being a mom, is having 2.5 jobs.
Speaker 1:That's facts, yeah.
Speaker 4:And then having a full-time job on top of Well, that's the part of 2.5.
Speaker 2:So that's the one job, and then you got one job, and then the 2.5 is raising your significant other. I got a question for you, pop.
Speaker 3:Do you cook? Yeah, you clean, yeah. See, that's changing the narratives on fathers. A lot of my boys be hitting me up Yo, I ain't really touching no box. I mean I mean no, no, no, no. Yo, bro, she stressed out, help her. You know what I mean. Like you can't tell me that you're going to let your partner drown. That don't make no sense. You know what I mean. So it don't take nothing from you to do dishes, to do the laundry, to cook, to help out.
Speaker 1:And do it without being asked. I don't say that, though I got to be asked, not the dishes, that's like my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my.
Speaker 2:Like I don't lie about it, I don't lie to nobody. I can't do multitasking. I think it's a fib. Well, at least you do it. When you're asked, it's like oh, I got it, boom, boom.
Speaker 1:Because I know it can contribute to a lot of terminal relationships because I went through that I got it Boom boom Because I know contributes to a lot of turmoil and relationships, because I went through that where I would, when I was in a relationship. I was in a relationship for 12 years with my kid's father. You know I would ask for stuff and it would just be like, oh, I'm tired, I just can't work, and I'm like, well, me too, I don't think that that hit me until, like the past few years, where I'm like, um, you're going to cook, you know wash a dish, you know sweep, maybe mop, I don't know something.
Speaker 4:It was like, you know, I had a full-time job I've always had a full-time job and then coming home and yeah, you're tired, I'm tired too. So if I got to come home and cook and clean and do all those things and you're not doing it, what makes me want to do it? So then then you're complaining about you know, oh, I've ordered food four times this week and you haven't cooked. Well, you haven't either. So that's, you know, definitely changing that dynamic and having fathers that cook, clean, help out in the house.
Speaker 3:Women need that.
Speaker 4:Mothers need that. We are doing 850,000 things. Yes, our minds work differently.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 4:I'm thinking about. What is he going to wear tomorrow? You know, this one has a trip, this one, you know, like, okay, he's not feeling well, maybe he's going to stay home from school. It's 850 different things that are going on in our minds. To have that extra help, that couple of things that we don't have to worry about, is a game changer.
Speaker 2:I think a good practice would be especially because I will say that like men don't you know, we certainly think about these type of things is having like a chore board, as corny as that may be to people.
Speaker 4:I have one. She does oh not even joking.
Speaker 2:All right. Well, with like a little reminder in the phone that says check chore board every morning, I don't know, sometimes some kind of way Um, I'm not scapegoating anybody, but I do. I know, I know my mind. If you tell me, like I said, I got no problem with it, but me actually sit there and think like, damn, you know, I really should go, I don't know, change light bulb, I don't know, whatever it is. Yeah, I have to see something going on for me to do it. I'm not just thinking of my head. Well, the fire alarm has had that battery for three years and that's how a woman's mind typically works. I should go like a three year lifespan. Yo, we're at two years and 10 months. So in the next two months, please change those batteries and you're like hi, I guess, like you know, you don't think about these type of things, but their mind is always clocking.
Speaker 2:That which I found the article and, oddly enough, this is what it says. It's pretty cool. Being a mom is the equivalent of 2.5 full time jobs. A study shows this in Welch. It's not breaking news that moms work hard. It's a tough job raising kids. That takes a lot of time. A 2018 study conducted by Welch is found, working moms clock an average of 98 hours per week. That's about the same same thing as working a 2.5 full time jobs.
Speaker 1:That's facts and you know what? I kind of feel guilty sometimes, like my little one, her school. They always have a lot of events where the parents have to come, and my job is very demanding. I'm a regional manager so the first time she had her show I couldn't go because I had to go to court and I was feeling so bad. The good thing is that they had it on live so I was able. Her father went. I was able to live stream it while I was at court and listen to it. But then recently they were having an event for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1:I had my day planned. I was like I'm gonna take my lunch late and go to her show. And then my boss is like you have a hearing on Monday. And I'm like my daughter has a show. And she's like, well, I'm not gonna go, so you have to figure it out.
Speaker 1:And I'm like I started stressing out because my daughter was counting down the days, like, ma, I can't wait for you to come to the school to see the show. And I was just like, oh my God, what am I gonna do? It was on two different sides of the island so I wouldn't be able to make it. I was freaking out. I called the attorney and I'm like the hearing is at 11, her show is at one. Do you think I'm gonna get out of there on time? He was like oh, the latest is like 12, 15. And then I'm calculating, it's like 40 minute drive.
Speaker 1:So I'm like freaking out and my mind I'm like damn, who else can I get to come? And I spoke to my kid's father and he was just like fine, I'll go, no worries. But I felt bad, like I went in my car and I was crying. I was just crying because I was like, damn, my daughter's gonna be let down. I feel like a bad parent. Turns out I went to the hearing. He had taken off that day and I got out a little earlier. So I called him and he was just like oh, then you go, I don't wanna go anyway. And I'm like no, it's fine. Like you're already close, I'm gonna be cutting it close. He was like no, you go. So I was like fuck it, I went and she was so happy to have me there.
Speaker 1:And I was like no worries, but I had that moment in the car when I was crying. I felt like a failure, Like I was like damn, my daughter's gonna be really disappointed if I don't go. So it's hard for me, being a civil mother, because he lives in the city. I'm in the suburbs and I can't always depend on somebody going and my job is what pays the bills. I can't tell my boss, no, I'm not going to the hearing Different ballroom, but it all worked out.
Speaker 2:Thank God I'm happy he's gonna make it happen, make it work. So I want to thank you for being here. Man Like honestly, especially with such a young show, right, I know your time is valuable, so and obviously the connect with Amir kind of made it happen, but still you're here for us too bro.
Speaker 3:Nah, for sure. I really thank you guys all for your time, your energy, your presence. You know, and I'm happy to be here. You know it's an honor as your first guest. You know it's been a long time coming in the park as to you, so I'm wishing you guys all the success. Thank you, Don't break up. Thank you. Stick together.
Speaker 2:Work it out. It's usually a quarter of a week, so that means I'll be out. Don't be a chiller bro. Whatever it is you can figure it out?
Speaker 1:I don't know.
Speaker 4:we have a very long relationship.
Speaker 1:No, we appreciate you, though, and you're sharing the love sharing our podcast. No, there's no gatekeeper in here, thank you.
Speaker 3:I'll support it free, Any information you guys have. I appreciate you reaching out.
Speaker 2:Abundance.
Speaker 3:And thinking of me as someone that can help out. So whatever y'all need, I'm here for sure.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for that. Appreciate that and shout outs to Amir the man behind the production.
Speaker 2:Without you, there is no us.
Speaker 1:We're just bringing it to life, thank you. Well, please let us know your feedback, your thoughts, what you want us to talk about. We're open for anything.
Speaker 2:Shout out to the Patreon it's $3. You know what $3 is?
Speaker 1:It's like 10 cents a day, 30 cents, yep, 10 cents. I can't back.
Speaker 2:It's all right. It's not your fault. You got a woman.
Speaker 1:Man, though, we'll learn about that next episode. We're gonna have some behind the scenes in there, you know, Also me and Jackie taking notes working class.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Everybody knows how this works. We just talking about.
Speaker 2:Getting my hair done in Turkey.