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ParentsUncut Pod
This is a Podcast surrounding the adventure, struggle, beauty and intricacies of new parenthood. Hosted by three parents, totally 10 kids in together, they go through their mazes and phases of parenting styles, parenting norms, modern day parents, their trials and tribulations whilst keeping it raw and unfiltered. Thanking you for joining us on this journey and we hope we can bring some value to new parents, old parents and those thinking of becoming parents
ParentsUncut Pod
Was Jesus A Gemini or A Pisces | Episode 7 pt 1 | Parents Uncut Podcast
Ever laugh so hard while pumping breast milk that you cried? Or danced in a silent party to break the monotony of office life? Grab your favorite mug of coffee—or whiskey, we won't judge—and join us as we reveal the upgraded interactive experience awaiting our Patreon supporters, complete with live chatter, polls, and Q&As. We spill the beans on personal stories, like navigating the bittersweet journey of motherhood, from breast reductions to the often untold challenges and chuckles of breastfeeding. And if you've ever been curious about the candid wishes of men on Valentine's Day or the daily hiccups that keep our lives interesting, you're in the right place.
Has social media ever made you chuckle at your own self-worth? We're taking a lighter look at finding the sunshine in life's chaos, sharing tales that remind us to relish the joy in little moments. Tune in as we reminisce about silent parties that liven up the dullest days, grapple with the trials of leadership, and the quirks of financial drive in fitness. The episode is chock-full of candid stories and self-reflection that's sure to leave you both nodding and laughing in agreement.
Valentine's Day—overhyped or a true opportunity for heartfelt expressions? We're pulling back the curtain to chat about what guys truly yearn for on February 14th, from a juicy steak to moments of peace and genuine appreciation. Even the stars get a shoutout as we muse over astrological signs, hearts, and the humor of city parking. So park yourself comfortably and let's raise our glasses to the heartwarming and hilarious journey of our podcast, where every discussion is an invitation to join our circle of laughs, surprises, and candid confessions.
Thank you for being here, thank you for your time and energy. We hope that we can ALL build this incredible community for parents by parents with parents.
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So we're gonna implement, guys. Just so you know, we're gonna do a couple of different things, especially moving on into the Patreon realm, right? So if you are paying for Patreon, which is only $3 a month, which is like what, 10 cents a day I keep again the number because it's so minimal All right, but $3 a month and we're gonna start really doing more interactive stuff. So we're gonna have polls in there, we're gonna have the opportunity to ask Q&As, the opportunity to watch live as we record, Like all these things are coming down the line. It's not gonna just be like, you know, just extra parts, which is pretty cool regardless, but we're doing a lot for you, right? So just pay the $3. Come on, man, please yeah.
Speaker 1:What's that? That's one cup of coffee a month.
Speaker 3:That's the cup of coffee from the corner store, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Just a moron. Yeah, that's not even a bagel, bro. A bagel now Shoo.
Speaker 1:Freaking egg bites is $5.67.
Speaker 3:For real, Bro. First of all, it's a poor start for me. Are the boobs boobin? The boobs are boobing. Damn Jaffa, the boobs look amazing.
Speaker 2:I think she's still holding up though, but you don't have implants. No, imagine me wearing implants, girl, no, girl, they're being your chin, jesus Christ. No, no, no, they're still a little boob, you know, and they are. Harmony is 19, and I got them done. I had a breast reduction when she was three, so that my boobs are 16 years old. Well, and I celebrate them on Cinco de Mayo, so that's the boob birthday.
Speaker 3:Can you put a shot glass?
Speaker 2:I never tried to, but I'm sure Do it on this, amir, you got a shot glass over there.
Speaker 3:Oh, I said Cinco de.
Speaker 2:Mayo and you're like let's do it now.
Speaker 3:That's my boobies.
Speaker 2:No, but yeah, they're still holding up, thank God, you know, not like before, but they're still facing straight, not south, yeah, I guess. Listen, there's the struggles when you have kids, man. Thank you, jesus for this bra, listen. No, what Harmony. Since I breast for her. No, not directly, I pumped and gave her the milk, because I remember when she was, when I was trying to breastfeed her and my boob was bigger in her head, so I have her like this and I'm like I'm going to kill this kid, like I'm going to smother her with my fucking titty. She was like so I pumped and I had this pump and it was like I was a good ass pump because it was pumped. It was like, and I remember it was like little, like very little by little, it was taking away my skin. That's how hard it was sucking. So every time I took off the pump, you see like my skin was on. I'm like what the hell?
Speaker 3:My nipples going to disappear. Ok, so I'm going to. So I tried the breastfeed with Ruben and I couldn't. They told me I was starving him. Jeez, I know I was enough milk and I was young and dumb. I didn't know like the teas and all of the things that you know to produce them yes.
Speaker 3:So then with Devon, I was like I'm going to do this full force, right, and that shit hurt, it hurt, it hurts, so bad. And I didn't. I didn't have a breast pump yeah, I was too poor for that then. And then with Ami, I was like I didn't try at all, but I produced so much milk and I was like, damn, that was an opportunity.
Speaker 2:Are you doing it? You just had them there and let it expire.
Speaker 3:Right, it's in your when it OK. So when it's like shrivel shriveling up, you know it's shit. Feels like it turns into powder. No, no, that shit feels like you have rock to your boo.
Speaker 2:No, it does, no, it should hurt.
Speaker 3:And then with MJ, I was like all right, you know what I'm going to do this, like I'm going to get the teas I'm going to. I got a pump, everything. I produced zero milk, like it didn't even hurt me to not.
Speaker 2:Cow is old already. This cow is expired, send it to the butcher shop.
Speaker 3:And then I went to the butcher shop.
Speaker 2:So what harmony. When I breastfed her with the pump because you know I didn't want to kill my kid After my boobs were terrible. It was like you ever took a water balloon right and you know how everything goes to the bottom. It's like, oh my God, that I would bend over and literally like all my boobs. It was like a freaking 60 year old lady boobs. It was terrible, it was like mad skin up here and then just boob on the bottom. I was just thinking, johnny would have loved that, Johnny, you know.
Speaker 3:Johnny would have Right. Like a boob club no, Johnny's not here.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, by the way, we're looking for a new cast member, so we are not Johnny's stuck in traffic.
Speaker 3:It is Chinese New Year and we I got a street parking and on this episode of Survivor. On this episode of.
Speaker 2:Park, park Parking. Hey, johnny, how you doing today. Going. We missed you, Miss you so much. The invisible co-host.
Speaker 3:The invisible co-host today. Oh my God, he will be here shortly. Yeah, he's battling traffic right now.
Speaker 2:I know he's pissed.
Speaker 3:I know, and he can't even enjoy this or the food he can't enjoy. The saggy bookstore.
Speaker 1:Johnny's Mike, you know he's excited right now.
Speaker 3:Make sure, hey, Johnny you got a big Johnny there, and then Jasmine got me sick.
Speaker 2:Listen, it's the season for it, but it feels like spring today.
Speaker 3:Oh, my God, it's so nice. I was like, oh, I don't have to wear a coat. Good.
Speaker 2:But you didn't bring a jacket.
Speaker 3:I wore a vest.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 3:OK, I wore a vest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because that's how you will like stay sick.
Speaker 3:Um, yeah, sure, I mean. Well, with this weather it's nice outside. We don't want to wear clothes. Then tomorrow is going to be like seven degrees.
Speaker 2:It's all I heard. It was going to snow or something. What On Monday? I don't know.
Speaker 3:I'm tired of this. I just can't deal with this.
Speaker 2:I need to move to a tropical island.
Speaker 3:A tropical island. Yeah, out, very far out.
Speaker 2:And just have someone feeding me grapes all day. Well, I'm not allergic to grapes, so I could eat that. Well, I want some liquid form. Oh, yes, yes, and some cheese.
Speaker 3:And cheese.
Speaker 2:Yeah. Truffle cheddar Speaking of you know I went to my co-worker's house yesterday and she made a nice charcuterie board and she had some jam. It was fig jam.
Speaker 3:Oh OK.
Speaker 2:But it wasn't like your strawberry jam. So you know you're still number one with the jam, you know, but it was really good. We had a whole bunch of cheese right, some cheese I never heard of, but I tasted one. It was like goat cheese and I'm like this is. I love goat cheese.
Speaker 1:So delicious.
Speaker 2:Oh, my God, so good. And then she had the prosciutto, the crackers, she had brie. She warmed it up with the fig jam. I was like, look at me what kind of crackers. It was like some little multi-grain, like toast crackers and then some other crackers and chips. She was very fancy with it.
Speaker 2:She made me some espresso martinis Really good, really. But I forgot to tell you a story when I went to Mexico for my birthday. So me and Evelyn already twisted off the espresso martinis. That's my no favorite drink. Espresso martinis are number one. I don't drink coffee, so I was wired, I was feeling nice. You know I get hot. I was already like half naked over there, so you hot. But we had a dinner reservation right, so it was like I think it was like a French restaurant or something.
Speaker 3:So A French restaurant in Mexico.
Speaker 2:Yeah, on the resort you know they'd be having even sushi and it's not even like I was scared to eat the sushi. I was scared as hell.
Speaker 2:So I ordered like this pumpkin soup and it said pumpkin soup. It had like goat cheese on it. Right, I was dying last night because I was like I forgot to tell Jackie the story. So I'm like it was an appetizer. So I'm like, oh, I can't wait for the soup.
Speaker 2:So he brings the plate to me, the server, and all I see is like a smear of goat cheese. And I'm like Where's the soup? And he's like this is the soup. And I'm like I take my spoon and I'm like, going on a plate, I'm like there's no soup, there's this invisible soup. And he's like this is the soup. And I'm looking at my sister, I'm like what the fuck? This is not soup, because it was just a white plate with a freaking smear of goat cheese. I'm like what the fuck kind of soup is this? That's why French people are excuse me. So then he comes back and he's like, oh, my god, I'm so sorry he had like a little separate thing to pour it in and he forgot. And I'm like he's acting like I'm crazy for saying this is not soup, this is a plate. Sir, he was serving me a fucking invisible soup.
Speaker 3:Like. What the fuck Like if this is not Connie?
Speaker 2:It was like get it together. I'm not that drunk yet.
Speaker 3:Yet yes, and after that you got fucked up.
Speaker 2:After that it was a movie. I love Mexico. I can't wait to go back.
Speaker 3:We need to go on a trip alone.
Speaker 2:Yes, a girls trip, because we had fun when we went to Mexico last time.
Speaker 3:Oh we, did, we did.
Speaker 2:The silent party. Oh my god.
Speaker 3:I think I you know what the other day it popped up on my like memories Are your memories. And I was watching you guys dance at the silent party.
Speaker 2:The silent party. That was the first time we ever did a silent party. It was so much fun, oh my god, and we were so freaking everything. Yeah, believe it or not, that that was fun.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I had a silent party at work, did you? We all had our headphones on and I was texting.
Speaker 2:I used to come work with you. Can you hire me?
Speaker 3:Yeah, but you're not going to make nearly as much as you make, damn Sorry. You'd have fun though You'd absolutely have fun, but I was texting one of the girls, vivian. That's my girl, and so Thank you for supporting us.
Speaker 2:We love you.
Speaker 3:Oh wait, she's like what. That's a little. What is that? It's hard, it's hard.
Speaker 2:Oh, I thought you were going like this.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So what is she like?
Speaker 3:So we were all had our headphones on and I was like we should just start dancing randomly and she was like silent party and I was like oh, so it was an unplanned silent party.
Speaker 2:Unplanned silent party Because everybody had their headphones on.
Speaker 3:Ok, so I was like, let's do this. We were listening to same type of music. We were listening to Afro beats, and then I was like, let's just get up and start dancing. Our boss is going to fire us one day. No, he loves our shenanigans.
Speaker 2:No, I love working for an office like that, but where I'm at it depends on which office I'm in. Oh, that's tough. The staff that I have Well, for the most part I have my crew. That's fun. And then I have the most serious one Yesterday. I had to be a real boss yesterday and I'm not like that. I'm the coolest boss ever. But yesterday I had to get very stern and then I felt bad after. I'm like was I too hard? And she's like absolutely not, he deserved it. And I'm like OK, that's me.
Speaker 3:That's me at work. I'm like I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this.
Speaker 2:But I will if I have to. No, and I had to then that was the first time I think I ever had to get really serious.
Speaker 3:I hate doing write-ups, but I will do them if I have to. I hate firing people, but I will do it if I have to. I've heard somebody. She was just stoic staring at me and I was like she's going to come back and kill me and I'm like I'm not in charge of that anymore, thank God.
Speaker 2:I don't want to do it anymore.
Speaker 3:I don't want to do it anymore.
Speaker 2:No, it's trust. I don't want to do a lot of things anymore.
Speaker 3:Well, I don't want to work. There's that mean that I'm pushing?
Speaker 2:the dream job.
Speaker 3:And I don't dream of working. Yeah, that's the difference.
Speaker 2:And Johnny is like oh, you know, we need to motivate each other to work out.
Speaker 3:And I'm like so it used to be the 5 AMer.
Speaker 2:I wish it was easier.
Speaker 3:I used to wake up at 4 30, be in the gym at 5, do my class at Orange Theory and then go back home, get ready, go to work. Whatever, it's not happening anymore. It's not.
Speaker 2:I wish I could Mentally.
Speaker 3:I don't mentally have it anymore.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I need a push, definitely. I have the freaking gyms on the properties I work at. So it's there, it's staring me right every time I go to the bathroom. It's like hi, and I'm like I'm going to bring my clothes tomorrow and work out.
Speaker 3:Such a liar. I'm just like oh, so they say that the best way to prepare yourself is to get your gym clothes ready the night before and leave it ready. I think that I don't. That doesn't work for me, because I've done it and I wake up alarm at 4.45 or 4.30.
Speaker 2:And I get up and I'm like I need an incentive, like are you going to pay me, then I'm there every day on time early.
Speaker 3:Well, when I was signed up to Orange Theory, you had to schedule your class, and if you didn't go to your class, not only first of all, it's expensive to go there. So if you didn't go to your class, they would charge you. So that was my motivation.
Speaker 2:Yeah the money, yeah that's.
Speaker 3:It was losing money. And then I was like then I realized just don't schedule the class, so that won't be charged, that makes sense. And then I just stopped going and I was paying it for months without going out.
Speaker 2:Listen, if these women on my 600-pound life can get a man to love them, to bade them and cook for them and feed them Listen if y'all love me, send me a message, but only if you're going to do those things for me.
Speaker 3:Like spend $3 a month.
Speaker 2:Yeah, seriously, come on, don't be like oh, I thought it was only fans' content, I'm going to pay for that. First of all, no. Second of all, stop being freaking cheap.
Speaker 3:You're cheap 3,000.
Speaker 2:Don't come, and I'm not trying to be like, oh don't hit me up. But seriously, first of all, don't be married in my DM and corny One. And then.
Speaker 3:Pick a struggle.
Speaker 2:Yes. And then I'm like subscribe to the Patreon. You want to see me talk about more Rantish stuff? Right, subscribe to the Patreon. And then you're like ha ha ha, like ha ha ha. I should screenshot this and send it to your wife.
Speaker 3:Why? Because it's not the first time. Ha ha, ha ha. Fuck out of here. Terrible, I think. I thought we were clear the other day when we were like Jasmine's not going on the date.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:Don't spend the $3.
Speaker 2:You know, I was telling, my cousin called me today and I'm like, you know? He's like, what are you doing? Later I was like, after the podcast, I'm not doing anything. He's like you're not going on a date. I'm like, no, I have no one. I have no roster right now. But I feel I feel OK with it. That's good, you know.
Speaker 3:That's so sad still. It is sad because Valentine's coming, I'm like no one to cut one cuffing season.
Speaker 2:I have my dog. I'm going to cut over him. True Because he's the size of a man. Your last night he was sleeping with me and he slept because the kids were not there. So he like slept along the long way with his head, you know, to a feet, and then he has feet outstretched to me and he takes up like half of the bed. I would have to keep that for five feet tall. So he takes his ass off the bed.
Speaker 3:I'm like this is my life, Dog life. So, I don't. Dog's not even allowed in my room.
Speaker 2:But it's Valentine's Day is coming, so we, you know, rocking out red, you know, still believe in love. I see it you have to.
Speaker 3:You know, I mean not really, you don't have to.
Speaker 2:I mean old fashioned love is not around anymore. Definitely that old love is not, it's not the same anymore.
Speaker 3:It's the most rare. It's more rare than it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not. There's never going to be a love like back in the day no distractions. You had a problem. You thought you talked about it. You could ignore each other. Yeah, but you're going to see each other, right.
Speaker 3:I don't, I'm not. I like communication. Right, I live on communication.
Speaker 2:Communication is number one in any relationship 100% right Friendships.
Speaker 3:Love all of that. I need to communicate. However, there comes a point where I stop communicating and I'm like yes. No, because you're tired of communicating, you're tired of saying the same thing.
Speaker 2:Exactly, yeah. So what are your Valentine's Day plans?
Speaker 3:I'm working and I'm going home.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm going to buy my kids something. I'm gonna go to work and I'll be home too. Yeah.
Speaker 3:No, I'm not doing anything I don't. Well, first of all, I feel like Valentine's Day is so oversaturated and Anywhere you go, you gotta you. You have no like intimacy, because no, no, no Many people there, I don't like, I don't know, I'm just like over it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm over that hole.
Speaker 2:So for men, I'm sure they're happy with that. Just staying home. I did that pole. Did you see the pole that I did? Oh, I did see the pole. So let me read some of the responses I got. The question was what do men really want for Valentine's Day? And and the answers I got were actually very surprising, really right, okay. So of course you can't go wrong with a stake in a blowjob.
Speaker 3:Right wait, but how do you like your steak?
Speaker 2:I don't know. I mean how you like your steak Medium okay, yeah. Medium well, okay, yeah, not too pink. So feel appreciated. That was nice, right, yeah, yes, Um, and that doesn't cost a thing. So come on, ladies, do better for your men, yes, yes, make them feel appreciated and then they'll buy you the bag you want. Three people said peace. They just want peace like leave me alone, woman, don't stress me out.
Speaker 3:I want peace every single day in my life.
Speaker 2:Not just I'm not right now, though, because I'm single, so so play my game in peace.
Speaker 3:Stop nagging that man.
Speaker 2:Yes, let him play the game and then you can do online shopping, correct, just let me sleep, just let me sleep.
Speaker 3:Damn, they kind of sound like women, you know.
Speaker 2:As long as you're not in my way like listen.
Speaker 3:Yeah, how about you stay out of my way? I'll say exactly you do you? I Zoom me and we're happy. Somebody said money, I'm not giving no money, sorry.
Speaker 2:Time's hard Um nice shoes and pom-pom.
Speaker 3:Okay, so that leads me to this question that I was gonna ask what's that? Is sex a gift?
Speaker 2:No, no, absolutely not right. Cuz you get that all the time.
Speaker 3:So why? Why do you have to make it like I feel, like on holidays or no? It's usually like Valentine's Day or or birthday, right? The girls want to get super dressed up and give it up. Bro, you're giving up the same thing that you give up.
Speaker 2:I know, and then the lingerie only last, you just dress it up. Yeah, they'll be like all right, take that off now. It's the same meal. Yes, oh no, absolutely no. I think it's that's like them serving you the same dick. Hey, here's your gift.
Speaker 3:I'm like oh no, you think they put extra oomph.
Speaker 2:No, it's not a churro.
Speaker 3:You know, don't put the extra effort. But that's not a gift, you matter by a cologne. Let him play his game, leave him alone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, something simple and that, yes, okay, let me go back to the Um a home cooked meal, okay. And with that, it's because to avoid, you know, being, yeah, amongst so many people at the restaurants don't infuse yes, because why are you asking for that? That's true.
Speaker 3:Can you cook? Just I will make you a nice steak the lasagna we got some right here.
Speaker 2:I didn't make it, though. Quality time, that was really nice. That's really sweet right.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:No tools For the handyman for the handyman, then you can't complain when they don't fix things. Yeah, all right, and then love great sex.
Speaker 3:Sex is not a gift.
Speaker 2:Well, a man said that. So, oh damn, is this our lover boy? Don't be angry. Well, we, we already got people lined up to sit in this chair. We were, we were, we put a, we put looking for a new co-host. Oh, hey, okay.
Speaker 3:Go to the urination station. Oh Me, I've said, I've said that for years. I'm like what are you talking about? For years I've said that Stop. I say this every day. I'm at work. I shit you not Never.
Speaker 2:I never heard you say it in there, so stop, everybody that's out there.
Speaker 3:That knows me, works with me, lives with me. All of you guys, how long have I been saying you're a nation station? Oh, I shit you not. I've been saying this for years.
Speaker 1:Don't say don't say tingle bomb.
Speaker 2:Okay okay, well, I work.
Speaker 3:I'm not sure it was real in the streets, go pee every.
Speaker 2:Man, no, he's good. We're not looking for no co-host at all. No one can replace him but if you would like to come on the show and you have an interesting story, please share with us like an interesting story, not Dumb shit not anything we've spoken about already, but we're open to all your feedback and if you would really like to be on the show.
Speaker 3:Let us know also the difference between me and Jasmine is that Jasmine is a nice one.
Speaker 2:I'm super nice and you know, my friend over here is teaching me how to be Tougher.
Speaker 3:Yeah, don't say mean, cuz I'm not me, no, not mean, but how to like?
Speaker 2:you know, I'm a little bit more stern how to kill people with kindness or have boundaries yeah. Damn, I have zero, okay, and I'm like no, you know, I'm a Christian. Christians have boundaries, I know yes. I need to work on that.
Speaker 3:I'm sure Jesus had boundaries. Yeah, you know, jesus was out there flipping tables to honey he was he was funny.
Speaker 2:Oh, he's not a Gemini, no, he was a Pisces like Johnny.
Speaker 3:He was about love and All that, but he would, you know, you get mad too. Well, you're all about love today with that heart. That is super cute. Thank you, I got it. I got a heart to look. Yes.
Speaker 2:I got a heart over here too.
Speaker 3:You have a heart inside too.
Speaker 2:I do too much of a heart. My heart is so big, god. Minus. I love everybody equally. Minus.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like your body. You know it's small and petite, but it's still there. It's okay. It's okay. I want to just your friend, our friend. I'm gonna read the. You know, like last time I said, we're gonna discuss the group chat, random stuff of the group chat, random messages. So the random message I got today from our friend oh why, I'm gonna bleach my asshole. See if it lightens up and looks pretty.
Speaker 3:First of all, did I miss, did I miss this message?
Speaker 2:No, it was to me only, and I'm like, oh, that's so random good idea.
Speaker 3:First of all, you can get a group on for that you can.
Speaker 2:So for bleaching your yeah.
Speaker 3:Really that has looking. Group on, group on has everything.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes. So do guys really look at both? Do you care what color?
Speaker 3:it is.
Speaker 2:I think so. We had a whole asshole conversation. Yeah because I saw something right. Yeah, I think it was something I saw online Like maybe I'm ready, or something. It says um, the guys really look at buttholes while hitting it from the back and somebody put yeah, to make sure there's not toilet paper, sarah, we're talking about.
Speaker 3:Sarah, but we're gonna be super like yeah. Use white piece.
Speaker 2:Please Use, and they carry, the ones that go in your bag Please. Oh yeah, the little summer's eve white piece, yes.
Speaker 3:No, I get the ones from Honeypot. Okay, how are those? They're so good? Yeah, they have them individually wrapped. You know like it's hygiene ladies. Yes, A lot of money to keep your hygiene up.
Speaker 2:Yes, and don't do anything if you're not fresh.
Speaker 3:First of all, like wash it, let your man's nasty and if you have to pee, go to the bathroom and like just get up in there. Where's my water, something I don't know? Oh, here it is.
Speaker 2:Where's our Johnny boy? Johnny probably has to share.
Speaker 3:He's here.
Speaker 2:Did you wash your hands, damn.
Speaker 3:Johnny, I was like he would not. I brought no, it's not Okay. So I thought I was crazy. Johnny, why are we the same person?
Speaker 1:I don't understand.
Speaker 3:It's crazy Because I feel like I gotta I have to wipe myself, so I'm gonna touch myself. My hands are probably dirty. I should wash my hands. You almost drown.
Speaker 2:You're like I'm gonna touch my hands. I'm like oh man, I got food so you could take home too. Thank you so much. Thank you to my sister for what is the word for catering for us today. Vegas Bendiciones on.
Speaker 3:Instagram. No, that's serious.
Speaker 2:Jihad was my father's favorite. Yes, she made the sorollos.
Speaker 3:We have bakalayitos.
Speaker 2:Did you say Johnny a bakalayito?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I didn't eat the other one because I was being a good girl, I left him one. There's sorollos there I didn't eat that. Lighters, bombcom, bombcom.
Speaker 1:So you want to get married again.
Speaker 3:She's still married.
Speaker 1:That's why you want to get married again.
Speaker 2:I don't know what I'm saying and she's celebrating her anniversary today, you know no.
Speaker 1:I'm celebrating Johnny.
Speaker 2:Amazing.
Speaker 3:He's a married woman. You just don't have no boundaries.
Speaker 1:No, I do, they're just very slim.
Speaker 2:You missed the. We were talking about boobs earlier. Sagi boobs, sagi boobs Like piahita boobs.
Speaker 1:If you got sag, you could brag.
Speaker 2:Don't give them shit on you. Okay, all right. Oh man, where did you park?
Speaker 3:Where I parked.
Speaker 1:About a block up A block up, you found a parking. It was like some shit called city parking. I was telling you guys, I jump in there, I'm not parking. The guys say, sorry guys, we're full. I'm like come on, man bro. He said, no, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to the car behind you.
Speaker 2:Oh, hallelujah Damn. First of all, First of all.
Speaker 3:So I guess for the parking, the guy in front of me, and they just have it's the weirdest second.
Speaker 1:I see cars going in, coming out, but then selectively he'll be like Full.
Speaker 3:Oh, so when I was there, two cars came out. He could have taken the guy in front of me.
Speaker 2:Maybe he saw you, that you were a papichulo.
Speaker 3:Papichampo. Oh, you're beautiful today.
Speaker 1:I thought you guys were doing red, so I was wearing like.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's cute, we match. Oh, I love Johnny, I'm gonna pay attention to you guys.
Speaker 1:I don't think I'll ignore what you guys ask of me. Thank you, I just don't acknowledge it when it's happening. But I'm like, all right, I gotta do this.
Speaker 2:He's like me.
Speaker 3:I was like he's gonna wear she goes, he's gonna wear a solid color and I was like I was gonna wear solid black. I mean you take a wrong of black.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, well, we spoke about that. So, um, actually, you know you did answer my poll about what do men really want for Valentine's Day. I always answer your poll. Johnny said a whiskey.
Speaker 1:Whiskey. I said a nice new whiskey that I have not had before and I forgot the rest, because I throw whiskey and that's it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, I got others, but they were just like stupid, Like guys are so stupid.
Speaker 1:Whiskey, oh, and a steak at home, instead of having a beat in the mix.
Speaker 2:A steak and a blow job. I didn't say a steak and a beat.
Speaker 1:But hey, if it's on the plate, it's on the plate.
Speaker 2:What else you serving on?
Speaker 1:No my cousin's steak and dickie. Yeah, I remember he's Dominican so he has like an accent, so he meant to say dick, but dickie came up. That's steak and dickie day. It's steak and dickie day, you know, there's like another day.
Speaker 2:There's a day it's called and it's like steak and blow job day, right.
Speaker 1:No, there's a girl day though.
Speaker 2:There's a steak and blow job day.
Speaker 1:First of all, there's all.
Speaker 3:All types of days.
Speaker 1:What is it? It's a. The day of the 19th is National Hickey Day. I said yo what? You know, what the problem is, man. Look, this is Black History Month, right. So that's why I got a little upset when there's another new year being celebrated and I can't find parking Because I'm like, why would we downplay our own holidays? And nothing against America's and Melting Park, cool. But I'm not even celebrating, fucking, the Dominican Day Parade and these Puerto Ricans get mad excited with their parade. But First of all, they're the capital that is not true.
Speaker 1:New York is the capital of Puerto Rico, so it is.
Speaker 2:It makes sense. Don't be hating on our parade. Why can't we be proud?
Speaker 1:You'd be proud. Just don't celebrate it and cause traffic.
Speaker 2:Well, that's only like people in Boshuk right now. I think that only one's left. We'll do it.
Speaker 1:No, you're crazy. That thing is crazy. The Puerto Rican Day Parade the day before I haven't gone in since I was a teenager.
Speaker 2:The festival is ridiculous.
Speaker 3:I haven't gone. I haven't gone in years too.
Speaker 2:It's just a bunch of.
Speaker 1:It's a youth sport right or like a celebrity Talk about celebrities I messed up right now bro.
Speaker 2:What happened?
Speaker 1:I'm walking and I walk past you guys probably don't know who Patricia Arquette is. Yes, we know who she is. You fuck her so she plays the medium. You guys know her. Yes, you know the real medium.
Speaker 3:You've seen the video. I've seen the show.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's called medium and she's playing the lady from Long Island.
Speaker 2:She's playing the Long Island medium. This show is older than me. Wait, she's playing the Long Island medium with her hair.
Speaker 1:That's where the story comes from.
Speaker 3:She did it because I used to watch the show, and I used to watch the show because I love.
Speaker 2:First of all, I love her.
Speaker 3:I love her so much.
Speaker 2:I love you. Please come on out show.
Speaker 1:Yes, please participate in.
Speaker 3:Visit the show, but.
Speaker 2:Johnny will want her to come on the show. I'll be like what, how old are?
Speaker 3:you again, stop. She's married too. No, she's divorced. So anyway, have at it.
Speaker 1:Sorry, Johnny. Once they're not taken by somebody else, it makes no sense. No, yeah.
Speaker 3:I love her.
Speaker 2:So what happened? You saw her on the street, and what?
Speaker 1:I see her and I froze man and I'm like I was going to call her Rosanna Arquette, her sister, Because you know there's three of them.
Speaker 2:David.
Speaker 1:Arquette, rosanna Arquette and Patricia Arquette. David Arquette is from Scream.
Speaker 3:Funny movie guy, that's her brother and Rosanna Arquette she's not really that popular.
Speaker 1:Family tree?
Speaker 2:I don't.
Speaker 1:I love Hollywood, so I used to Rosanna Stone too.
Speaker 2:No, Rosanna Scato? You fuck. No, rosanna Stone, I was born here. Okay, I hate you. I hate you. That's English in Barrera. Yo, my passport, blue man.
Speaker 1:Don't get confused Anyway.
Speaker 1:I pass her and as I'm passing, I'm like look at her just trying to enjoy her Sunday, saturday, I think she's like waiting for like a cab or something, and I wanted to say it, but then I forgot the first name. I don't know. I wanted to say it, but then I forgot the first name and not that it disrespectful, it's just Wooden. But then I was like, whatever, let me keep walking, I'm late anyway. And as I keep walking I'm like damn it, I should have said hey there, miss Arquette, miss would have been fine, or Mrs I don't know what she is right now and been like oh, we have a parenting podcast and we're very interested in, you know, interviewing the medium. Knowing that you played the role, would you like to be on the show? And I didn't I froze. So it's a lesson for the future.
Speaker 3:We're not going to be prepared for situations like that, because I would not. That's just not where my mind goes. Oh, I think you might like bring her on a show.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, no, we'll make that happen.
Speaker 3:No, we'll make it happen Absolutely, but I know, yeah, the moment you're like, but like in the moment, like if I see a celebrity, I'm just like in another world and this is like fat bunny. I wouldn't even know how to speak. I would forget all my words, english and Spanish. I wouldn't.
Speaker 2:I'd be like yo. What's my Spanish? Mi novio? No me má Marculo.
Speaker 3:Alright, you're gonna come out now it's celebration of Valentine's Day. Yes, yo, it's true.
Speaker 1:Si tú no me mando culo pal ya esa malen ting. Tú no eres novio.
Speaker 2:For real, Like who doesn't do that anymore?
Speaker 1:Which camera's on me? The main camera right, Alright good, so let me just put it at a point where I can.
Speaker 2:You know they have tutorials. If you don't know how to eat a peach, look up a tutorial.
Speaker 1:Who would need a tutorial?
Speaker 2:You don't want to know, Johnny.
Speaker 1:I don't want to know. What I'm just saying is like. I mean, I mean maybe at 19,.
Speaker 2:But you know some people get the ick about it because they like a baby came out of there. That's disgusting.
Speaker 3:Well, also that's immature people.
Speaker 1:What the fuck Baby came out. You saw that. What else comes out of there Pea? Does it stop you too?
Speaker 3:I mean, there's different.
Speaker 2:You know, just close your eyes. That's it.
Speaker 1:Just close your eyes, just close your eyes and make believe it's just squishy, gushy cotton candy.
Speaker 3:Just make believe it's a battery.
Speaker 2:Oh, naivo, oh really, so this summer that?
Speaker 1:like attack that I didn't know about this.
Speaker 2:So I have the Naivo crew that come to my house, like my family, all the guys in the family. We just talk about random shit like here. So during the barbecue on my house this summer they were like you know, when you eat ass or the first lick, doesn't it taste, doesn't it feel like when you lick a 9-volt battery?
Speaker 1:What kind of ass are your friends eating?
Speaker 2:Or oh, they saying that it's, you get like a thing on your tongue. So that was my question what are they doing?
Speaker 3:Who are these people?
Speaker 2:I don't know. They said that your tongue goes. It depends on your diet. I would like to think it depends on your diet Wait no, but listen, it's a thing, because I googled it and it says why does eating ass or pee feel like you're licking a 9-volt battery? Is it that first lick has?
Speaker 1:anybody licked a 9-volt battery.
Speaker 3:That's just things, yeah, I think we all did it back in the day. I never did it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you feel like a little.
Speaker 3:You never did it.
Speaker 1:She's too bright with a blanket. Yeah, they're like nah, Is this the iron? Maybe Iron blood, I mean.
Speaker 2:Hold up. What is a?
Speaker 1:1-iron. Yeah, yeah, but I'm just saying it's not blood on there. I don't remember the taste of a 9-volt battery.
Speaker 3:I hate this conversation. It's so gross. This is just kind of crazy, yeah, I mean it was a thing in the summer when we were talking about this.
Speaker 2:So then the guys are like oh, the 9-volt crew.
Speaker 3:Did somebody get a T-shirt?
Speaker 2:They want to get a T-shirt with a 9-volt battery with a zap. None of it?
Speaker 1:Is it because of the spark, like what is, I don't know? Hold on, what is reminding them of a 9-volt?
Speaker 2:battery. No, Johnny, you need a reminder. Yeah, I'm not biting.
Speaker 1:I'm not fucking biting, I'm not putting my tongue on a damn battery right now to find out, Because the only thing I remember about a 9-volt battery 9-volt. Am I incorrect? Is that the one with the little square with the two different? Yeah? With the two different yes and then when you go Okay, some people might describe this as a metallic or penny-like flavor.
Speaker 2:I guess the what?
Speaker 1:are you saying the eye?
Speaker 2:Yeah, the booty hole or the koochee hole, you know whatever.
Speaker 1:Wait, y'all going in without showering.
Speaker 3:So then back to hygiene. Blood naturally has a metallic taste. Back to hygiene.
Speaker 2:Why does it taste like blood.
Speaker 1:Please go back Please.
Speaker 3:Please, but anyway, because if anybody ever told me that that's the way I taste, I Immediately shower. So is a thing, they're like 9-volt.
Speaker 2:Yo, there's some Duracell shit Well comment Like if you do, if you have done it and it felt like you were like licking a battery, then let us know, Because I think kids You've done it. Back in the day we didn't have toys. No, I never licked. I don't even see it Because you may?
Speaker 1:I thought you were gonna say I think it tastes like one.
Speaker 2:No, I'm on the selfish end here, only receiving. I don't know.
Speaker 1:It just felt like you had experience.
Speaker 2:No, but oh God, I ate too much. But you all licked battery.
Speaker 3:Yes, I've never licked a battery.
Speaker 2:You don't remember.
Speaker 3:Who your mother?
Speaker 2:asked my mother doesn't even know. My mom Did I lick a battery?
Speaker 1:when I was there you know what it was Jackie saw someone do it. She saw that it stung them and she was like I'm not doing that shit.
Speaker 3:It does.
Speaker 1:Also, we were the ones that were like Yo, it's not gonna sting me bro.
Speaker 3:No, I was mad dumb. I used to fucking eat paper. I used to eat like the corners of paper.
Speaker 1:All right, I guess. No, I used to.
Speaker 3:I used to. My hypothesis is out.
Speaker 2:No, I used to just suck on my shirt when I was younger, Like the top of my shirt they were all wet Like.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I know people who like sucked on their hair Younger, like what?
Speaker 1:Three years old, because if you're 12, they'll suck on.
Speaker 2:Wait, hold on, I don't remember I was a kid, I was like probably like six, seven. Yeah, people did weird shit back then.
Speaker 1:Do your kids suck their hair? No, let us know.
Speaker 3:Please God, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:Oh, we on point.
Speaker 2:Oh, the lighting you talking about. Yeah, that's so cute.
Speaker 3:Look at that.
Speaker 2:Did you do that? Did you do that on purpose?
Speaker 1:Must have been a girl show before us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably. Oh, my goodness, Thanks for the drink. Guys.
Speaker 3:I didn't give you anything.
Speaker 2:I know I asked you for one. They came in. Can't stand, johnny.
Speaker 1:Yo last episode I could tell I was like damn. No, you were really like coming at me. I was really being normal and you were not.
Speaker 2:I was sick.
Speaker 1:OK, so then say that I couldn't believe I was coming at you.
Speaker 2:And you kept antagonizing me. Everything that I was saying you were like, no, like what. The fuck is wrong with Johnny today? Like what?
Speaker 1:do you mean Donald's?
Speaker 3:coffee's as good you, you, yeah like seriously, that was, that was intense, that conversation.
Speaker 2:We know Johnny's is trying. He's trying to get sponsored by McDonald's.
Speaker 1:Oh boy, chetty. Chetty was like yo, you can tell he grew up in East New York. Like yeah, because I'm taking McDonald's as a top tier brand. But I'm being realistic, man. The coffee in McDonald's is good. It's world known. Like I didn't make this up, this ain't some shit that I'm making up my head. All right, go try it without the ledger. I tried it before you tried it with Leche and all your other stuff.
Speaker 3:Guys, I have a question Way off the coffee topic.
Speaker 1:Please, clearly. I'm going to say that I'm leaving you, please. I don't?
Speaker 2:I think we we may need a new co-host on the show.
Speaker 1:It's been swell.
Speaker 3:I feel like, I'm like, I'm like the the new.
Speaker 1:We have a lot of, of course, the one that doesn't get ranked on online, the one everybody seems to adore. That's good. I feel like a setup.
Speaker 2:Is that true? That's not true. Amir knows no, he sees everything ever. She's a fucking fake.
Speaker 1:She's a fake as she has an account where she trolls us. Yo, I straight out there Gate. They were coming from my neck. Yes, and me came out the gate getting hate.
Speaker 2:Listen, they like go eat a donut.
Speaker 3:No, like I was thinking that I'm I'm a mean person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you guys got the wrong Anyway but I like donuts, so subscribe to our Patreon and send us some donuts $3 a day. I need to practice All right $3 a day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just three a month, 10 cents a day.
Speaker 2:Listen.
Speaker 1:No, but seriously Get the fuck out of here Listen if you were ever on the fence before about spending $3, no longer should you be in the fence, go subscribe. Right now there's a seven day free trial. You get to walk around and look and see what we have, say, hey, is this for me or is it not? I guarantee it'll be, but just take the chance. Free trial seven days, go Patreon.
Speaker 2:Oh, go, johnny, go Johnny.
Speaker 1:And no, I don't spend all my time in front of a mirror or something like that Practicing. Come on bro.
Speaker 3:I can't even get myself to do this.
Speaker 2:Listen, I'm never going to get the math right. Sorry, it's not for me, clearly.
Speaker 1:Yo, bro, you know that's all I do is I drive right. I podcast like fake podcast. Are you serious? Yeah, like all right, ladies and gentlemen, listen, I'm here to perfect my craft. I don't take this as a game. It's not a joke to me, not that it is to you guys. I'm not saying that.
Speaker 2:Hold on a second, no yeah, bro, damn, I'm saying me the handsome show featuring.
Speaker 1:Yo, first of all, it's two moms and a dad. All right, originally it was just two moms, so they included me. Thank you, god.
Speaker 3:Let's see if they like the content. When it was just us two.
Speaker 1:Oh you get this. And.
Speaker 2:I got a little hot in here, Johnny. It's about to get crazy.
Speaker 1:Yo, it was fun being here. I just want to thank everybody.
Speaker 2:He's not going anywhere. We love Johnny.
Speaker 3:If he walks away I will be like sit down.
Speaker 2:Fuck down, I'm going to wait till we get home.
Speaker 1:We should get the page on a vote. Man, Do you want to keep me on the show?
Speaker 3:Damn. No, don't vote. It's not like we're going to listen, you imagine they say no, hell, no, no, we'll be like, first of all, unsubscribe, just damn. You know what?
Speaker 2:I'm going to subscribe.
Speaker 3:You are a toxic.
Speaker 2:No, this is the dynamic trio, not the duo.
Speaker 3:Can you do that? Thanks guys.