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ParentsUncut Pod
This is a Podcast surrounding the adventure, struggle, beauty and intricacies of new parenthood. Hosted by three parents, totally 10 kids in together, they go through their mazes and phases of parenting styles, parenting norms, modern day parents, their trials and tribulations whilst keeping it raw and unfiltered. Thanking you for joining us on this journey and we hope we can bring some value to new parents, old parents and those thinking of becoming parents
ParentsUncut Pod
Embracing Resilience and Transformation in the Trenches of Parenting with Donovan McLeod
When life throws its cruelest curveballs, it's the wisdom we glean from others that often sees us through. That's why we are thrilled to have Donovan McLeod. Donovan's tales of founding a company amid global upheaval, coupled with his candid reflections on confronting the hurdle of unexpected loss, set the stage for a deeply human conversation that's as raw as it is enlightening.
Parenting isn't just about the victories; it's about facing the tough times with resilience. We tackle the reality of nurturing children through their unique challenges, from the entrepreneurial spirit of a seven-year-old to the complexities of selective mutism. As we traverse the emotional landscape of family life, stories of growth, integrity, and the ever-evolving dynamics of fatherhood emerge. It's through these personal narratives that we uncover the transformative power of not just listening to our children but truly hearing them, and the delicate dance of co-parenting that demands both compassion and strength.
Wrapping up this heartfelt exchange, we turn to the lighter side of life, reminiscing about the TV shows that shaped our upbringing while recognizing how these shared cultural moments inform our roles as parents today. This episode is an invitation to step into our world, where the rawness of life meets the warmth of family, and every listener becomes part of the Parents Uncut family.
Thank you for being here, thank you for your time and energy. We hope that we can ALL build this incredible community for parents by parents with parents.
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That's what I was saying. Like people that don't believe in, like whatever higher power is, I've like she took a last breath. I felt it. I felt it was like chaos and calm at the same time.
Speaker 2:Ladies and ugly men, welcome. This is Parents Uncut. I'm your gracious, beautiful host, Handsome Contreras, with these two ladies and a special guest today. Introduce yourself, girls.
Speaker 3:I am also a host. My name is Jasmine.
Speaker 2:You are the co-host.
Speaker 3:Yes, not just Johnny, I am also a host Co-host. My name is Jax. He wants to throw these hands today. Throw today, oh boy, oh man.
Speaker 2:We're in a giving mood.
Speaker 3:And we have a very special guest in the house. Oh wow, you know, mr Donovan McLeod, hi, how you doing, aka the Dondada, oh Amanda.
Speaker 2:AKA Ha-Hum. Hi, I like that one. Aka Ha-Hum.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's Well, I'm Donovan Don. They call me Co-founder and co-CEO of this group. How you doing Wait?
Speaker 2:you work with Mike? Yeah, oh, we had Mike here a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's my brother Like brother, brother Like soul brother, he's just lighter.
Speaker 2:I was going to say way lighter. Yeah, he's lighter.
Speaker 3:He's from your Puerto Rican side, definitely from my Puerto Rican side, definitely from our Puerto Rican side. He's the brother of another mother.
Speaker 1:We are at the helm of a company called this Group. It stands for Trust, Honesty, Integrity, Success. So we've been at this now going on like four years Since the pandemic yeah, since the pandemic. Actually, we created it during the pandemic. It's been very interesting because we didn't really care Not saying we didn't care about the pandemic, but we didn't. We created the company while in the pandemic. People thought we were crazy. You didn't see it as a roadblock. Definitely didn't see it as a roadblock.
Speaker 2:Are you the guy he called in the shower?
Speaker 1:Ayo pause. Yes, I am the guy.
Speaker 2:I am the guy. No thanks, I am.
Speaker 1:You're the shower guy pause alright, but yeah, I'm the guy. He called to the shower to say hey, I had an idea and we. He came to my office at the time. My office was on 3rd Avenue. Definitely an amazing meeting. It was supposed to be like a half an hour meeting. We were just meeting, we had a, we had a, a mutual friend, hip Hop Mike, and then he came to speak to me and we talked 30 minutes, turned into 3 hours, damn, and then find the synergy and then we created this. He called me the next day and was like yo, bro, I was in the shower thinking I know it sounds weird, but uh, and then we've been running ever since, like running, running.
Speaker 2:It's been interesting what were you doing on 3rd half?
Speaker 1:so um a so a buddy of mine. He owns a company. He has a sync company called Practice of mine, so I was like A&Ring for his company for a while and then Mike came, but I was still working with content creators, okay, and then Mike and I created this interesting dynamic after we met, and now we full-fledged here.
Speaker 2:What got you into working with content creators, like what was your background so before that?
Speaker 1:I was in music. Why?
Speaker 3:were you all like. Why y'all talking so low? Oh?
Speaker 1:I mean listen this mic makes up. Yeah, yeah, I'm about to say this. I mean, these are good mics yo media training yo yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm like Johnny, I love it. Don't get fucked up, I see.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, patreon fucked up, but anyway. But yeah, so I was in the music business for a while with content creators. I started working when Vine was around, Wow, yeah, so I had Vine. I had actually before they were even called content creators or influencers. I was managing Vine stars. So we started managing Vine stars and at that time you know kids at the time they were making thousands of dollars weekly and it was only for six second videos. So they were like you had to be super creative. Yeah, they were getting paid like 10 grand for a six second video. I know one kid in particular that he was probably doing like 100K a week. Huh, Name drop. I'm definitely not name dropping. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Can't report it all. Yeah, definitely not. Yeah, please Thank. Can't report it all? Yeah, definitely not. Yeah, please Thank you. Thank you, yeah.
Speaker 3:What time period was that? I don't.
Speaker 4:I never had Vine. Vine was, I didn't have Vine Because I feel like it kind of came and went In my, in my Like.
Speaker 1:I don't know, was that 2015? It might have been Around there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I think Snapchat, yeah, 2013, yeah, around that time. Yeah, yeah, because 2013 was really when Vine started. Yeah, it was a thing, and then Snapchat boom came at that time, and one of the guys that I managed from.
Speaker 1:he's actually from Brooklyn. He got big on Vine. He left Vine that name I will name drop Jufu. Jufu left Vine and went to Musically at the time Musically, musically then turned into TikTok yeah, to TikTok. So, but I've been. You know, when I got I saw the shift though. I saw the shift from like yo, this is what it's going to be. And people told me I was crazy. I was like yo, what are you talking about? Music's going to always be like this. I said this social media stuff is about to be nuts. And at that time Vine King Batch was doing his thing on there. So that's because he he officially one of the guys and actually Q Park. I don't know if you guys know.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I love him.
Speaker 1:Q Park is one of our, you know, actually, jufu is real good one of his good friends. So we, they were a whole team and and no people just transition to other things. And I already saw it from a, from a, like a executive standpoint. I saw it from like something's gonna change and I'm like I gotta figure this out.
Speaker 2:And that's what I did I figured it out did you completely transition from music or did you do it simultaneously?
Speaker 1:and then yeah, so I it was about the same time because I was still doing music stuff and, um, at the time I ended up having an artist from canada she was 14 at the time and we cultivated her and, um, we took her from just regular singer to like, almost, like, almost close to superstardom. She was pretty cool. Um, she actually lived with me for a little bit and, you know, and it didn't go so well at the end, you know. You know, but things happen and it happens to teach you, because actually I met her. That's how I met Jufu. So, yeah, because I used to run her Instagram and he was trying to holler, so I was the one he was talking to. So when I saw him, we went to this thing called Playlist Live. It's probably one of the biggest like social media conferences in the world Marriott in Orlando and I saw him and I was like like it was me Like, oh, wait, yo, this is Jufu. Like go talk to him. But I was the one talking to him and yeah, it was hilarious. He was like, oh, yeah, that's the kid he was telling me about. I'm like, yeah, and then he's from Brooklyn. So then we became real close. His parents are, like you know brothers and sister. To me that's dope, so you know. But this social media thing is pretty cool. You still work with Jufu today, right? Yeah, he's actually in Dubai right now living the EA. He's had the title track for EA, like for NFL Madden 21.
Speaker 1:He did something last year. We did something for this game called Immortals of Avium. He was the one that he had the title track and then we did the um, the preview, to like the preview to the whole game. He filmed it. He did everything. You know. He did the trailer leading up to it. So we ended up doing something. It was pretty cool, man. It was like he was able to do that esp. He had music on esp and this, all those things sync like I'd sync music with my company, the guy actually with the company I was working with.
Speaker 1:With wwe, I have an artist. She's in virginia, she's a real dope pen. She writes, she does a lot of syncing all the female actually women that are in wwe. She did a lot of singing. All the female actually women that are in WWE. She did a lot of their intros. It's pretty cool. Yeah, circle of being. Yeah, we try to do a lot, man. And now transition to where we're at. You know we manage some of the biggest content creators in New York City, which is pretty cool. And you know we have our own production studio. And you know we're just building out man, it's just very build it out, but in that time it's been, you know, yeah yeah, it's always gonna be it's always up and down.
Speaker 2:How do you handle the, the personal in that time, because I know you have kids? Yeah, multiple kids, that's damn multiple, thank you yes, no, that's a problem.
Speaker 1:Father of many, I had a team. Yeah, no, so about two years, like two years ago, my wife passed away. Yeah, so while we were building the production studio, I was going through that process. So she passed away two years ago. So August, yeah, and it was very. That moment in my life was like a blur.
Speaker 2:I could imagine You're building, yeah, destroying, kind of like falling apart.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So the thing and the crazy part about that is that you know, you, when you actually lose somebody, you kind of like go back into time and see like not more so what you can fix, but more so the things that led up to that. So she was battling for something for six years. So she was battling, she had stage four kidney failure, so she was going to dialysis. So you kind of saw somebody at their highest and kind of like deteriorated in front of your eyes. Yes, okay so.
Speaker 1:And then when it sounds like a Tyler Perry movie where somebody tell people this, but she like died in my arms, like I was giving her CPR, my kids woke up and was like wait a minute, something's going on. Actually, my son, my 16 year old dad, we watched a movie. He woke me up. I'm like what he said? She can't breathe. And then from there, um, I kind of went into action. Like you know what I'm saying. I kind of went into action, you know what I'm saying. I kind of figure out she couldn't breathe and then I'm on the phone with the ambulance Like yo, come on, I'm real calm, and they're talking to me and I'm giving them all the information and she's just like is everything okay? I'm like, yeah, well, if I'm in red haste, you're not going to get the information you need. Yes, so I had to try to keep real calm. So at the time, you know, she went outside, like before she went outside, I was trying to like get her, you know, calm. She said take me outside.
Speaker 4:So I took her outside and, like I know, people that they say they don't believe in God or whatever Like in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she was aware and yeah, yes, we wanted to go outside. So what I was trying to do is I wanted to try to help her get her lungs open. So I end up getting something. I remember something to get like ice to put on the back of the lungs. It was like so we had these ice things, right. So, because you know, when you go into like a cold bath, it opens your lungs, yeah, so, so I try to do that.
Speaker 1:I told my son to get it, but when she went outside, that's what I was saying, like people that don't believe in, like whatever higher power is, I've like she took a last breath, like I felt it. I felt it was like chaos and calm at the same time. Right, yeah, it was just like I called. Yeah, it was almost like, and it was almost like I felt somebody like pat me on my back, like it was like, oh, it's okay, and then so I put her down and then started at CPR until the ambulance came, and then that's kind of like where it kind of took. You know, for me it almost that's where stuff started changing, because she's had had episodes before, but this one was definitely different. So two of the longest drives of my life driving from my house to the hospital, and then you know something's different when all the nurses look at you, funny, they come out there. You come out there and I'm trying to go in the back and they're like no, no, don't, no, you stay. And I'm like why are y'all like?
Speaker 2:you know, you know, like Because this had happened before. Yeah, this had happened before, but they got handled different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, very much. So you felt I felt it being different. So maybe, like she passed away at 2 22 in the morning, right so. But when I went in there, um, they were like, oh, your husband's here, and she was trying to like fight, to come back, like so, I? So when she was going through her issues, like with with the doctors, it was crazy because they she would give them hell. They'd be like, call her husband and I'm the only one, dude, you didn't even think that I'd have to call you, like you're my father, but I'm the only one that could tell her like, yo, you got to stop, like you got to stop, you know. And she would listen. So I'm talking to the point that she would go to the ICU.
Speaker 1:She went blind because her blood pressure was so high. I've seen blood. When people tell me about blood pressure I've seen like 200, over 219 doctors it's like, yo, how did she get a stroke? I'm telling you it's crazy. So they had to do this thing that they had to. They were trying to get her blood pressure and they had to like cut and put this thing on her pulse because they wasn't getting the right one. It was crazy and she wouldn't let them do that. So here I come and be like barbara, you gotta stop. And they're like, and she just stops. So now when I come into the, you know, into the er, when she was passing, um, there's like's like yo, your husband's here, and she was like trying to fight to come back twice. And every time she you know the doctor, the lead doctor said she said my name, she was trying to come back, um, but you know, to no avail. She came to me and was like listen, we've been working on her now for like an hour and he was like, if she does come back, she's going to be like a vegetable and you're the next kin you have to make the call. So I had to call it, which is probably, like you know, craziest thing. So then I called all my um family members and my mom and everybody, and my dad and everybody came and when, and my good friends, actually they showed up like at four in the morning, you know. And um, you know you, you value those people. When people like that, you call somebody and they'll get out their bed to come, and so on.
Speaker 1:My way home was the longest drive back. Like I've drove this way a lot. The kids were still home and the kids were still home and then I got a text message from my son, like Kyle's mom. I couldn't even respond, right. So, getting in there, getting home, it took me like 30 minutes just to get inside the house, Right. So I'm there, I'm like, oh man, this is. So. Now I get inside the house and I'm like yo guys, I got to talk to you and he's like what? And I was like mom's dead, the screams. I couldn't stop hearing them for a while because that was the last thing. They thought.
Speaker 1:You know, my son at the time, my 10-year-old son, you know he, you know you're Superman, you're supposed to bring her back. You know, in the moment, and I couldn't even respond to that, I was like, okay, like, because it's a shock to everybody. So that's the first thing he said. You know, at the time, my youngest daughter, she, you know, she just knew something was different, like she just gave me a hug and I'm like, you know, she gave me a hug and then that was that, and then the process from that started and that's where, you know, I knew that. You know, my life has now changed again because when she got sick, it changed yeah and then how long?
Speaker 2:were you together before she got sick um 10 years.
Speaker 1:So she passed, so I went through with it for 6 years, so we was together 16 years. So with that process it was, you know, you saw somebody or where they were then for the last six years of their life you just saw. And then the kids saw it too.
Speaker 3:Did they understand that that could potentially happen?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I think what it was for them. They were more so naive to their kids, so they just thought that mom is going to get better, dad is doing everything known possible and before you get a new kidney, there's a bunch of things that has to happen. So if you have, if you had like issues, like if thyroid issues, this issue, if you got they, fix all of those things before you get that kidney, because they don't want you to get it then have bad anything. So, yeah, so it was. So she was going through that process and that process was a long and grueling process too, man, because there were so many things that went wrong. Man, you know it was just. And then you're shelling out money to just make sure everything is good.
Speaker 1:So, whatever the, you know the insurance didn't pick up, you know. You know who they turn to. You know who they turned to. You know what I'm saying and at the end of the day, thank God, I was doing certain things I was doing for a living. I was just able to be like yo, whatever, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:I had the doctors come to me and be like yo, this is going to be, and I'm like that's it and he's like that's it. I'm like yeah's no. At the moment we need, you know, she needs to be with the kids and you know she has kids. This is just where we're at. But you know, she was good for like I think we had like a good two years that she was okay, but then it just started. You know it was what dialysis does to your body, so, and at that night that when she passed, she passed ultimately from a pulmonary aneurysm, so it was a blood clot in the lungs. So you know it didn't equate it to dialysis, but I equated to dialysis, um, because it broke her body down. Yeah, so sorry if I broke the mood down because I'm trying.
Speaker 2:At this time everything is happening uh-huh. The children are obviously aware something's off, but, like you said, kids automatically think everything's gonna be okay. Yeah, were there ever conversations that you guys had with them prior? Yeah, about hey, things might not be okay, yeah.
Speaker 1:So we, we've had those conversations and those, like I said again, kids are very naive and they, they're, they're more resilient than us, which is amazing, um, because then they think about it in their, their, their increments of how their, their brain does. And then my, my 16 year old, he has, he has, um, asperger's whatever they call it categorizes Asperger's, so he's, so he has autism, but he's the lowest form of autism, but his brain works completely different, so he's, so he calculates everything, that's, his calculations is like, okay, mom might not, and he's already calculating hours, times this, that. And it's like, okay, mom might not, and he's already calculating hours, times this, that. And he's like, well, if we do this, this, that she'll be able to live. So, for his standpoint, he was doing it that way. And the other kids are just like you know, okay, what we have to do my oldest, which is my stepson, which is her son, he's very close to his mother. And my second oldest, my 22-year-old. She's going to school now to be a nurse practitioner, so she's learning all of these things that's going on, so she's understanding the process of what's going on. So now she's like, wait, this is worse than what y'all telling us, because I try to give as much as possible just to not get them to live in that Right, right, right. So, but you know what, mom, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And it was that, and the best part about it, too, was that you know, when people get sick, the biggest thing is about, like, financial right. I was able to take care of my family and had her just had to, you know, think about herself. So when people, when I talk to people, I'm like yo, bro, that's the best thing, because most people that get sick have to think about financial Right, and the fact that she was able to like, not think about that is amazing, right, and that's a testament. You know, the Most High allowed me to be able to take care of my household without any hiccups and I was able to now show the kids certain things, like when it comes to what she's going through. So certain things they came to us with on purpose, I took them to procedures that she's going to, just so they can kind of know these things and understand what she's going through. They got it, but they didn't get it To an extent, yeah, so it was just trying to show the process of what was going on.
Speaker 1:It was still tough and at that time, after she passed you know you're talking about now opening a studio, me and Mike, that's what kind of got me kept going, honestly, because it became like my outlet. Yeah, it was super therapeutic, yeah, it was super therapeutic and it allowed me to kind of like got frustration out, but not in the way of like lashing out on my kids or whatever, because after a while, man, I'm like man, this is, this is tough.
Speaker 2:I would say that's taxing yeah.
Speaker 4:At some point like you're going through this and you have to understand I have, I have these kids like you almost have to be a machine in a way, yeah, where your mind sometimes won't take you there you're still going. You have to keep going, because how you can't stop at all especially in that moment, like how do you stop? You have to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're responsible for other humans spoken about often, because you always think of the person that's going through it. Yeah, but the people that have to support at that time, especially your significant other, correct, you're going through it in a different way, for sure. How were you able to handle that and not Go?
Speaker 1:crazy. Yeah, not flip, not-. Yo, I'm going to tell you, man, it was very hard in the sense of understanding I'm a guy that I like to fix, I'm Mr Fix-It, like let me fix it. Now you have to understand that you can't fix it right. So this is not something I can physically go and be like I can fix this. It wasn't that, it was something that was just not fixable by me. So my ego allowed me. I had to like break that. Like bro, this is is.
Speaker 1:I was really hard on myself, like I couldn't fix this and it became. It just became overwhelming mentally. So what I ended up doing, man, I ended up just taking some time to myself. Man, I started just figuring out what made me happy, and the biggest things that made me happy was doing things with my kids, um, and I started like really pouring into that. I'm not saying like taking away from my relationship, but I did things that made me happy. My son, you know my son's a soccer phenom and I just poured into that. You know my, my 16 year old he's, he's a nerd, like ridiculously, his gpa is crazy, and I was pouring into that, like you know what I'm saying. My six-year-old now she was born at 14 ounces, so she was born as big as this.
Speaker 3:Wow.
Speaker 1:Right, it's a micro, micro preemie. Yeah, she was a micro preemie, so she was born like this. So with her she's delayed because she was born so small. So, pouring into her like you know what I'm saying the older kids, my daughter going to school to become a nurse practitioner, my oldest son, you know, being a manager at one of the biggest, you know stores it's just like pouring into those things and seeing those things happen.
Speaker 1:And then I became like a real good listener because it became like she couldn't do so much there's just so much that she could do She'll walk 10 steps and she'd be tired, so we couldn't really go too many places. So what I did was I just became like a real good listener, listen to the things that she liked, and I just brought those things to her. So if she liked, you know, roses, every thursday I'm I'm like oh yeah, oh yeah, cool. And then she'll come home or she'll go take a shower and come out and there's you know 14 000 roses and like I just did things because there was just you know, there's so many of these types of intimacy. So I did that and it helped me in the long run to like become a good listener, did she?
Speaker 2:have conversations of how she wanted you to move on with the children, like how to handle certain things in life. Yeah, because that's one of my biggest fears. Yeah, when I think about it Not being there certain things. But I also fear their mom not being there. For sure, my daughter's mom's not being around and it sounds kind of crazy to people, but I think they're not better off. That sounds fucked up, but way different if I'm gone than mom gone. Got you you?
Speaker 1:know what I mean. So I can't be mom, I'm dad, right? Yeah, so I can't be mom. So I had to. You know, her and I had conversations about if this day ever came.
Speaker 1:At first she started with the kids and was like listen, you know, she said to me I've had practice in six years. I'm like what are you talking about? But I did, because there were times that she was in the hospital for three months. Who do you think was with the kids, right? So I still had to adjust my lifestyle, regardless, you know, she'd be in the hospital for two weeks, three weeks, three months, month. It's still dad, I'm still taking care of everything, still. And I didn't miss a beat. It's almost like they're like what do you mean? Oh, he's here and then he's going to business meetings and then he's and I was just doing so much. So it was almost like it can be done. It's just, you know, it takes some planning and preparation.
Speaker 1:And then we talked about her, you know, with the kids and not being here, and she talked about when we talked about me and she was like yo, listen, you know I was. You know she said something to me like I was selfish. I I'm like what do you mean? She's like well, six years you've kind of changed your life and couldn't be a quote-unquote man or whatever that is, and you had to essentially assist me with everything I'm going through. And she's like I don't want you to have to, if something happens to me, for you to feel as if that you have to stop your life. Yeah, like you owe me. Yeah, like you owe me. And I think that conversation was like me, was liberating, because I'm a very like, loyal guy, like the integrity aspect of me is very big on that Mike mentioned that about you.
Speaker 2:He said that you said I don't, I would not want to do business with a man that does not respect his wife.
Speaker 1:For sure. Yeah, because if the man that don't respect his wife, what do you think they're going to do with you? They, the man that don't respect his wife, what do you think they're gonna do with you? They're not, they're not gonna treat you. I don't, I don't. And that aspect of it it doesn't open the doors to any success, because if you treat the person that you're married to like crap, it's only a matter of time you know what I'm saying and you can see it.
Speaker 1:So that's pretty much what it was with me was the integrity part. I know we had that conversation and it was definitely a tough conversation because she was very territorial. I'm like you're not going to be territorial in death. She was Jamaican as well. She's black, she's black and black back in Puerto.
Speaker 2:Rico. If she was Jamaican it would have been different. She has some Puerto Rico. Oh, she's Puerto Rican.
Speaker 4:There you go, think about. You think yeah, no, no, no, no. Territorial was a word, I was the one that he used. That's the one that it is it's. That's it, yeah, territorial, we don't know Jackie is, I'm not, I'm not possessed no, no territorial it's mine, don't touch it.
Speaker 1:So it was territorial in nature and I was like yo listen, at the end of the day, you know, this is just what it is. And she's like yo, that's cool. Like you, your life changed, you know. And um for me, you know, somebody told me when, I think one of my family members told me like you've been mourning her for six years you don't even know it, cause when everything was going on, I was kind of more of the calm this one everybody was going through the process. I was kind of more the calm this one Everybody was going through the process and I was kind of like sitting there and it was like you went through everything, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I went through the stages of that. So I mourned her. I've been mourning her. He's like you know. He's like you've been mourning her that long already, bro. He said that's the reason why you are where you at, and that long already, bro, he said that's the reason why you are where you're at. And it may seem as if to yourself that you don't care, but we all know that it's not the case. You know what I'm saying. So the best part about that is that you, you know you've gone through that process and now you have to now get your life back together. Essentially, you got to learn you, you and the crazy part about this is my father-in-law. He's the one that he preaches that to me Often. I have a real good relationship with my father-in-law. He's like yo, I hear you, but you got to get on with your life. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. Like he's you know, when he sees this because he watches everything.
Speaker 4:make yourself happy, For sure. Your children deserve to see you happy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure, and it's to death. Do us part, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and he told me the same. He's like yo, you did everything you know. For better or for worse, sickness and health are death. Do us part. He's like yo, you already did the three things that you have a covenant from. He said that chapter is now closed. Now it's time for you to write your new chapter. And you know, and those are the things that you know, I'm looking forward to, you know and I've looked forward to and it has, it's coming. It's coming faster than I thought, but it's coming.
Speaker 4:So my question is I know that she spoke to you about that and so you know her state of mind was as this was going on. How do you feel about that? Like I know you said, you're looking forward to it, but how do you really feel about you know, moving on.
Speaker 1:So at first I was, I felt very, I felt very, I was beating myself. I was still kind of like in my you know, in your head about it, my head about it, and trying to figure out the process of doing this stuff and getting it done, and, like you know, like, all right, I'm going to have to move on. How do I move on? And then you say to yourself, like I have to make some decisions for me, though, but then you start feeling like Guilty, guilty, guilty, of course. And then the guilt starts to come, and then you start to like, damn, I'm feeling guilty here. But then, after a while, you start to really ask yourself like, is it really guilt, or is it? Is it her or is it you? And then I started like, wait, it's me.
Speaker 1:So then, when I started having conversations and understanding of what, what to happen or what's going to naturally happen, I just started being super intentional, and I think for me, that's what was the biggest thing was being super intentional in the things that I want and the things that I choose, and I think that's what we have to start doing as people. I think we just go run, do a mad dash for everything which I get that because that's just like another response. And then I had to kind of like slow that down. I'm like, all right, listen, this is. I got to slow that, trying to mad dash and smash and grab. I'm like no, no, no, you got to start being intentional with what you want. Intentional with what you want. And when I started really focusing on that, it started like the universe, god, allah, whatever you want to call them it was spreading things away. It was easily going away and sometimes you got to be by yourself to understand yourself. And that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 2:I agree with that a thousand percent. Yeah, because, think about it, you're from the timeframe. That means that in your 30s, all your 30s, which is where we kind of discover ourselves For sure you were with this person, for sure I was married when I was 24.
Speaker 1:Taking care of her doing everything. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So that period where you get to quote, unquote, discover yourself is discovering yourself inside somebody else, and now that person is removed from the equation for sure. So now you're in a rediscovery. That's a fact and that's where the guilt kicks in. 100 right. So damn, I'm thinking like how were you even able to when the transition happened, right when she passed away? Was there guilt in? Because I know you were still working at that time. Was there any guilt in? Damn, did I, did I miss moments?
Speaker 1:Um yo you hit the nail right on the head. I, a thousand percent, said I was giving people my time when I should have been doing this. I should have been nah, I was doing this. I and people are like yo, bro, don't do that to yourself. So you're, because you're gonna end up hurting, you're gonna end up putting yourself in a depression. My bro, like you can't do that. Like you did the best that you knew how to, he said.
Speaker 1:And then you were, and you was essentially running a household like what's, what is the problem? Like you don't get it. Most people can't even run a household with one kid. You're rolling a house household with somebody that's sick and then other kids, bro, and you're not complaining about it and businesses, and we're running and operating at this high frequency. You know we had to become.
Speaker 1:We had to become that because it's still a competitive game and life, and that's life with you. Know, men, we are not like a competitive game, right in everything, yeah, with being mates, with being a father, and when I say competitive meaning like you want your kids to become better than you, so you're doing everything possible to make sure the kids are getting the fair share and that's the goal. So I was just trying to make sure I was. I know I was missing things, I knew I was, but I had a goal, like yo, I gotta get to me. You know, when the doctor says they need an extra x, y and z dollar, I need to make sure that what I've done, I can create the extra without it, without it even hurting us, and that was a that was a big thing for me how are the kids now?
Speaker 1:um. So when it first happened they were kind of in shock. Just to even be real, like, three of the kids didn't go to the funeral. One got sick, like she was like ridiculously sick, and the other two ended up getting sick too Fever, this, that. So they came to the burial but they didn't come to like the service and at that time, man, they didn't come to like the service and um, at that time and they didn't want to believe it.
Speaker 1:Um, you know, and at that time you know, um in death, you know family can be so, you know, comforting, but also so fake, right? So because my son asked me one day he was like dad, like is this gonna be that way it is? I'm like, nah, he's like, well, I said there's not going to be a thousand people at our house every day, I'm sorry, this is the reality. Kicks in when nobody's here, right, and he's like, cause he's loving it, his cousins are coming over Everybody's. He's like, oh, this is going to be, I that. And I got to prepare you, you know what I'm saying and to really be cool, like Jufu became like their big brother, so he's really close with my kids. So he was there. His parents were there from start to finish, Start to finish. Yeah, wow, all our clients, my client like Chicla, millenni, ken Starr, my partner, ali D, and Sergio they all came to the service.
Speaker 1:Like I drove, I saw a bunch of people in black. I'm looking, I'm like, oh snap. Like you know, that's like support, right, of course. So the supporting aspect of it just became it. Actually it made me look at them completely different.
Speaker 1:And then, on top of that too, with Jufu, he ended up taking a big brother role to my kids and he was there for the whole, you know, from start to finish. He was standing right there when they put him on the ground. So that gave me a different kind of respect for him too, and the kids found comfort in having him because it was like, you know, he's a famous tiktoker and then you know. But then he became this like big brother to all of them. So it, it helped me a lot, um, but also the kids started to understand that she's not coming home. So you have to deal with nightmares, this that you know, and it became, you know, they used to break up in cold sweats and this and that. So I'm dealing with that. You know, everybody wants something like oh, make sure that you know all the family, give you all these rules, make sure you do this, this, this. I'm like, yeah, I hear you, it sounds good.
Speaker 4:They, yeah, and they also. Where were they throughout the whole process?
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you wasn't doing this anyway, anyway. So, and that process became a very big, you know, eye opener for me, understanding that there's things that I can do. Anything that anybody else does for me is icing on the cake. So what I usually do is I throw myself in a fire and kind of see how I'm operating at first, so that I'm able to know how to operate, opposed to always asking for help. So if my mother helps me, that's just icing. Yeah, Everything else, but I know how to operate in chaos. So the chaos is happening, okay, cool. And then if my mother goes, don't worry, I got it. I'm like, oh cool, but I already knew that I could handle it.
Speaker 1:But you know, know, had to operate like that and understanding, like being a single father. You know, I had a post about that. Huh, you had a post about that. Yeah, I'm, yeah, I, and that's where I'm at. You know what I'm saying, like, but it was honestly, I know what's like. I know what single mothers go through. Um, I'm definitely at the poster child of it, but like, understanding, like what you go through. I'm definitely at the postage aisle of it, but like, understanding, like what you go through from start to finish, from you wake up to you go to bed, yo.
Speaker 3:That's a full-time job.
Speaker 4:It is, though, but it's such a it's a different view, because single moms right, that's the norm, right.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 4:Unfortunately single moms. That's a norm.
Speaker 1:Single dads. That's not a norm. So they're like the comparison is is is crazy, it. I really am a single dad, but so they're thinking like I. They think like she's a strong, I don't have drugs or whatever and I'm like, no, that's not the case, she's not here. Yeah, like yo, she's not here anymore Nobody.
Speaker 2:you know, that's not the first thing your mind doesn't go there.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's the I would, you would really like even. It's not that I'm dark, it's just that me as a, as a mom, I never think. I always think in my situation with this person, if I make it god forbid if I make him a single father, it would be because I died not because of anything else got you so in my way of thinking I'd be like oh my god, I'm so sorry like yeah, are you okay?
Speaker 1:it's crazy, crazy. I hate the word widower when people are like, oh, he's a widower, I'm like, I'm like widower, a widow a widower.
Speaker 2:A widower if I'm a man if I'm a girl so a woman is a widower yeah, I didn't even know that.
Speaker 1:Somebody said to me like oh, you're a widower.
Speaker 2:I was like oh, I guess, so Get the shoe fit.
Speaker 1:I guess. So I hate labels, yeah, that's why I just don't understand. Like I was trying to get like you know, witterer, yes, that's me, but I honestly it was just like yo, listen, this is something I couldn't change. So when people ask like yo, is she strung out what she did? So you just took, or you took, you know, custody, like no, that's not what happened.
Speaker 1:And you know she's a great mother, she I you know ridiculously about. She's so into her kids. So for me I had to kind of like I had an example, and I had example too from my dad. You know her father because I'm real close with him as well. So I understand I'm starting to see what the man aspect is and the men in my, in my life. So I understand, I'm starting to see what the man aspect is and the men in my, in my life. I'm like, okay, cool, I know what to do, you know it's, it's it's hard and easy at the same time. That sounds crazy Like you know what I'm saying. Like it's hard and easy at the same time.
Speaker 2:So you essentially it's easy, because it has to be done. It has to be done.
Speaker 1:It's hard because, expecting or expected to do Correct you have planned, yeah, and with that it becomes a thing Like you. You start to then be hyper sensitive about your kids because you want to make sure that I can't put myself in predicaments that will take me away from them. I'm the only parent they got. That is, you know what I'm saying? So, like, so even it made me paranoid. So I would get invited to go places. I wouldn't go because I'm like, nah, I'm not going to go. They're like why? I'm like I'm good and because, god forbid, something happens, I'm the only one there they have Like I, I can't, I can't afford them to not have me, right. So so even with that, like um, it became a thing and it's crazy. Um, it became a thing and it's crazy. Probably gonna be the first time I'm saying this, but so something happened and um, like I, fell asleep at the wheel right and it slammed into the.
Speaker 1:Um like the, the street, the divider no, no, it slammed on the street by the sidewalk. Okay, right and it blew out both the tires on the street by the sidewalk. Oh, okay, right, and it blew out both the tires on the side, but this area that I go to is frequently cars would come. I woke up on the other side and there's usually cars and I'm like, look, how easy I could have been gone. This is facts.
Speaker 2:No one talks about that. When you brought that up right now, I never thought of that angle. As hey, if one parent passes away, the pressure that puts on the other parent For sure. Oh shit, to look both ways when you cross the street, everything. I would be like you, yo, invite me where, god forbid, some accident happens. Yo I A trip.
Speaker 1:Nah, I'm good, yo, and that's essentially how it was. I'm just like yo, listen, I'm good, I'm, you know, I'm good. And I'm like, don, you can't do this in your life. I'm like, no, you're right, but let me go through the process though. So, let me go through this process so I can get out of that, because I can't live dormant, especially what I do for a living me so much I can operate from my living room, right, and, and on top of that too, I had to understand that, yo, there's things that has to get done, um, and I gotta live my life like I can't live my life, but I still take precautions and just let you know who's there, I know what's going on. Yeah, when I go going away, I gotta read the room.
Speaker 1:When I go, when I go to spots, I know where the exit is at, like. Those are the things that I do on purpose now, and especially that they have. It's just me, it's just dad, you know.
Speaker 4:So it's like this whole thing made you like hypervigilant.
Speaker 1:Very much so Around, oh man, crazy To the point that you know for me to understand that there's, they depend on me and when people see you do certain things and I'm not going to do nothing, that's unethical. So but I'm going to do things. That's based for my comfortability and making sure that I'm doing things as best for my kids. Like, my time is super valuable, so I can't give it to you if you're not talking to. You know for us to do certain things, not even just about money, it's about opportunities, and so for me it's just making sure that I'm not, you know, just giving, just giving my time up for free anymore when there's no, there's nothing reciprocated because people think it's just about money. It's really not. The currency is about your time and what you, who you want to spend your time with and develop something with. That's my goal. But if that's not their goal, I'm kind of like all right, man, I'm off this, I'm all, I'm good.
Speaker 2:Now, in all this, this, let's get on a lighter subject. Yeah, your kids, right, yeah, yeah, obviously they saw how you handle life. Yeah, but in that handling life, they also see you around. These stars now? Yeah, the stars of their generation? Yeah, for sure us, it was tv people. Yeah, yeah, on that phone tgif yeah yo I was oh, I never heard of that you know, you know me yo, I was telling my kids about Urkel.
Speaker 1:I was like TGIF, we should run home for that. He's like run home to watch.
Speaker 2:TV, yeah, back in the days. Yo, the other day I'm in front of my niece and I go damn this shit. We're talking about America and everything. We turn it to the Twilight Zone and she's like nobody watches any vampire movies anymore, not Twilight. And I didn't catch it at first. Yeah, what. I was like wait, wait, wait, what.
Speaker 3:And she's like what do you mean? She don't know about that the werewolf.
Speaker 2:I'm like no fucking Twilight Zone and I was able to explain it to her Like it's like Black Mirror, yeah. And she's like oh, so also say Black Mirror. Oh my gosh, like nah, there's no Black Mirror without Twilight Zone, black Zone, correct.
Speaker 4:Absolutely. Oh, my, you know, I never got that reference.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:But it does, it really is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she thought it was a werewolf vampire, movie.
Speaker 4:No, no no, I'm saying I didn't get the reference.
Speaker 2:How crazy.
Speaker 4:But that's because they. No, no, we're not. No, I'm saying I never got the reference between the Twilight Zone and Black Mirror. Yeah, yeah, I've never like, I never thought of it that way.
Speaker 2:That's how I explained it when I first saw Black Mirror. I'm like, it's like a new age Twilight.
Speaker 4:Zone? Yeah, pretty much, I think, because I work in technology.
Speaker 2:I was like, oh, this, is my life Stuntin' on us right now.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I love that. I don't work in tech.
Speaker 2:You got all the lights On your head. That's crazy, but with the have they Now taken to Maybe your career or being some, like Themselves, creators?
Speaker 1:Yeah, nah, nah, yeah so they. My son started A company when he was seven.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:I've heard of Noor, yeah, yeah so he's a mini Version of Don, really. Yeah, this guy. So my cousin started, my son started a company when he was seven and it was a clothing company. He's like Dad, we wear a lot of Nike and Adidas, he plays soccer and he still does. But he's like yo, we need to start, we need to create something. I'm like that's crazy cool. He said I want to call it Lionheart. He said you do the rest.
Speaker 2:And I'm like okay, Yo, the idea is like 50% of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So he said, you do the rest. So I created the logo and then I got it done and got this done and then we started selling t-shirts. Man and the dude he got picked up by Newsday at like 7. They did this like big story on him on Father,000, but he owned just t-shirts and then he still has it there. Yes, they actually. You know my son always, they're always wearing their own stuff. He goes into school. He's telling the teachers, you know he's like, oh, he's doing bad at math.
Speaker 2:I'm like yeah, he got the right map. He knows money. That's how I learned.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but listen.
Speaker 3:He got it from you Because you Didn't you have a clothing store when you were 16.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So when I was, when I graduated high school. Yo, don't be getting Extra info that way and not asking Any questions for me. I do my research.
Speaker 1:So when I graduated high school, In high school we Opened a clothing store In my town called Flavor Fashions with a partner of mine Actually my partner's Dominican. Oh bad, move no no, he was good people, no we were good.
Speaker 2:No, I'm not shitting on my own.
Speaker 1:No, they were real good, real good friends of mine. You know what I'm saying. So, but yeah, and then Are you from Brentwood? Yeah, I'm from. Yeah, Well, by way of, oh, you, ghetto, I'm from the Bronx. Watch your mouth.
Speaker 2:You're an extra ghetto. Watch your mouth. I'm from the Bronx. From the Bronx by way of Long Island, but for sure, anything with a B.
Speaker 1:But I spent most of my teenage years in adulthood in Long Island, Brentwood, Long Island.
Speaker 4:So how long did you live in the Bronx?
Speaker 1:In the Bronx. I lived in the Bronx since I think I was about like 15.
Speaker 4:What part?
Speaker 1:Because that says a lot, many parts. Let me just put it like that Many parts 15, too long Many parts of the Bronx. I lived south north, so Inua Baychester, you know, damn Webster, you know.
Speaker 1:I was going to say east or west, but yeah, yeah, I lived in those areas, yeah, so, but you know, but nevertheless, it was he he started that. He's still doing that to this day, you know, and the kids really just started flourishing more, which the school Isaiah is like started like hyper, focusing on school more. He was already a smart kid, but it's like he's almost like he's like brilliant Right. And then, um, my current, now six year old, she's delayed, so she, they, they say that she's like a selective mute, like she speaks when she wants. She'll sing every Cocoa Melon song ever in the world She'll sing. Her favorite song is toast by coffee. She sings that song. If I say good morning song ever in the world She'll sing. Her favorite song is Toast by Coffee Really.
Speaker 1:I love that song. She sings that song. If I say good morning, she'll just look at me, but if I put that song, she's singing, right, is that because of? Yeah, so there's a few things. So before she was speaking, like you know, delayed but still speaking, like you know, um, delayed but still speaking. But then after that happened, it became like she just kind of a little bit more close, she was with her every single day. So you have that kind of shock, yeah, it's kind of ripped from you, you still going through, maybe, yeah, she doesn't understand, she doesn't understand exactly, and because she's delayed, so she's starting to understand, like it took her even a while to say, mommy again, yes, you'll see a picture, and she wouldn't say anything. So you, you, you now, with that having to understand that and having to deal with it as a dad, like, oh, like now here's something else I have to deal with. You know, I'm saying because now my goal is to make sure that she's okay, but you know, I, you know listening to, like, my family members and everybody, like your bro, you still got to let her go through it.
Speaker 1:So I was she was homeschooled for a while and shout out to my mother and my sister. They really took, you know, took that task and helped me tremendously. I have a real good support system. And you know, she started school. That was probably the craziest thing I had to do. It was, um, get her into school, because she wasn't, she didn't go to school, yeah. So then starting that process was very tough for me. Um and uh, it was one of those things that became like you want to be dad, like, nah, this can't, it can't happen, you can't. And I had to, like you know she was like, all right, dad, bye. Yeah, jumped on the bus and you know, and now we're here.
Speaker 4:She probably needed that yeah yeah, she needed the interaction with the other children.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:Like seeing all these things happening around her. Yeah for her.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and at that time too, you know, actually it was a few months ago. So I'm thinking to myself like yo getting her going. But then, you know, with school comes everything else. So, because she's delayed psychologist, you know development, pediatrician, you know neurologist, because it's all of these things now, because she's going into a system that you know they're going to, you know, you know how they do- If you don't label and put you in their guidelines.
Speaker 1:So I have to kind of combat that and because prior um the music industry I worked with people with disabilities, so I kind of know some of this stuff. Um, I was a director so it was like I knew certain things, things how to you know with medicaid and medicare, because you, you know, as soon as they find out a kid has, you know, some type of autistic or autism, they already put them in a box in a box.
Speaker 1:So even if you have insurance, they still want to give them running through the system of, you know, state or whatever. So there's so many different things that I had to do and I'm still going through that process currently, but, um, very much tough, you know it's because it's just paperwork and this and that and, and you know, as a man, you know I'm like man, I got a little paperwork. Man, I don't want to do it but I have to do it. I sit there and I gotta. It's just you muster it and I gotta do it. But, um, with that, and that's the only thing. And the older kids, man, they, they understand it.
Speaker 1:You know my oldest, he was very close with his mother, so you know, with him it hit a little hard and he was going through a little moment. He's 23. So he was going through a little moment and we had a lot of conversation though, which was great, but he still was going through his process, of course, you know what I'm saying. And my daughter, my 22-year-old daughter, her first lab was the nephrologist. So, nephrology, she said yo, she kind of had to take breaks because she kind of saw what happens, right, and we had a conversation. She's like dad, you wouldn't even believe where they had me at my first lab for for to. You know, in her for being a nurse practitioner, I'm like what she's like nephrology, you know I'm saying so. She started learning so the kids went through ups and down.
Speaker 1:Um, my current 12 year old, you know he took it a little tough. You know he had some issues in school. You know, um, at the end it's funny, he didn't, it didn't go through the whole school year. He went through the whole school year and waited until the end of the school year to try to be Mr Gangster, and yeah, and then got in trouble. And then, you know, I just was like I couldn't. You know you want to get a phone call and you're like what's up, you need to come get your kid. I'm like what? And then they say what happened? And I, and then they say what happened and I'm like, oh, really, ah, okay, go back, go pick him up.
Speaker 1:And I wanted to like dunk him, like bro, do you know what we are going through right now? This is what you want to do? And he's like, damn, I'm sorry, I love you. And I'm like I love you too, but I'm gonna whoop your behind, right, you know, and but we went through that process and he understands, like yo. He understands like yo.
Speaker 1:I did this and he's almost like yo. He understands like yo. I did this and he's almost like yo. You got to take it lick Like. This is just what it is, and he understand. He understood that. And I'm like bro, this is not something I want to do. This is something that this is something that you have to learn, like yo, regardless what, and you're a kid, so I'm happy learning now, opposed to you learning it when you're 21 and you, they think you're a grown man. Yeah, so we went through a whole process, man, so they it's crazy they suspended him for three months, six months, so they suspended him, whoa, yeah, so I'm gonna show you. They suspended him May June, july, no, april, may June uh, huh right then for the new year, september, october, november.
Speaker 1:He came back to school in November.
Speaker 3:It was in homes, at homes, yeah. He had remote school, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he had remote school. Yeah, they weren't playing. You know what I'm saying?
Speaker 4:I'm scared to ask you what happened.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you offline I'll tell you on camera, but the thing is that that also shaped him too, though, right, and I told him, and I dealt with it in house so that he didn't have to feel like I was going out there making an announcement. Right, because you know how his parents can do. You know what he does, dad, he know what she did. That's me too. I gotta stop, yo, but you know what you know.
Speaker 1:The crazy part about this is that you know, junior, I'm going to say go to school. I didn't do this. All this, all this, and I used to be like man. Now you go around your aunts and everybody I'm like junior, everybody know I heard what you did, so I didn't want that for him. Yeah, and I had a conversation with him. I said listen, this is that. This stays here. My brother knew, my mother knew and my sister knew, because they wanted to make sure that they talked to him, have a conversation with him.
Speaker 1:But it wasn't a scolding situation, it was just more sort of like yo, you got to understand, and that's good, though. This is just where we're at, and if it was up to me, he wouldn't have walked back to the school. I would, because how they do it where I live. They do elementary, they do middle school, because it's a big, it's a big county, I mean big town, township, and they put all the kids it doesn't matter if you're wealthy, middle class, this that they put you all in the same middle school. Then you go from middle school to junior high school. Junior high school is from 7th to 8, eighth, and then you go to the high school from ninth to 12th. That's interesting, yeah, right, yeah, so they break it up long island yeah I think that's jersey too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they break it up. So I would have me. Personally, I would have had him just go to school seventh to eighth, because I'm like yo f that y'all won't have six, six months, what the hell like come on, it means 10 months after school year.
Speaker 1:So yo, I mean he did, and he had three months of, just you know, a summertime. So what I ended up doing was I could have took him out of soccer, and I didn't. What I did was I actually doubled down on it some more and he understood, like yo, you know, because that was the only way he was getting to talk to friends and this, and that Took his phone. You know, he had no access, no, nothing, and he just was like I made my bed and I gotta lay in it and he took it and, I ain't gonna lie, he was like yo, dad, you're right, I did this. And I was like yo, yeah, you did it, you sure, right, you did it. But when he went back to school, he talked to me. He said, dad, this is what he said. I was like yo, listen, you have to. Um, he said I don't want them to have, you know, to label me. So I got I have to change. I have to change that. He never.
Speaker 3:He has a person of color too.
Speaker 1:That's a fact and that's what I told him. I said, bro, you got to go. And he was like he's like, you don't got to go, he said. So he went back to school and he changed the perception on what the teachers thought about him.
Speaker 4:It's respectable, yeah, so respectable of him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's my one though. We'll talk about this later. That's my one, though he's my 12 year old.
Speaker 4:He's me Did you beat his ass.
Speaker 1:I definitely whooped his ass, so I was waiting.
Speaker 4:I was waiting for somebody to ask that.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, yeah. So Take a time stamp, Cut that out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I did what you know, I did what any parent would do in that moment. Yeah, in the sense of I had a conversation, because even after I gave him, you know, the whipping, I was like yo, listen, after it, you know, he calmed down. He calmed down. I went and drunk some water Because I wasn't trying to. And another thing, too, I wasn't like trying to wail on him, like you know what I mean, because I think people take it too far, right. So, you know, I said I'm going to, he's going to take five strong ones, and I'm good, wow, five, yeah, with your hand, with my hand, right.
Speaker 1:And I got decent hands, but my father has, my father has calculating hands, both his, like. One of his fingers is like this that's crazy, right. So I just, but what I did was after that, though, we had a conversation, and I'm like bro, listen, I don't want to do this, I don't want to hit you, I don't want that, but you need to know that it can happen, like you know, when kids test you and like yo, it can happen, it can, but I don't want it to happen, right, yeah, you can catch these hands. Yeah, like you know, I don't want, I don't want. That's not the. That's not. My goal is to be like yo, I whip on you. That's I don't like that. There are some parents that that's all they do, of course, and I don't want to do that.
Speaker 2:Communication I got raised me too.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I was looking at me, I'm like I got started, I got raised, like that, but what you did is crazy.
Speaker 2:We're not even talking about it.
Speaker 4:No Pocky thing over here. First. Of all.
Speaker 3:As a single mother, I gotta do what I gotta do For sure. You know he has to respect me. I'm raising a boy on my own. Let's be real. So For certain things, yes, You're gonna learn the hard way, yeah.
Speaker 1:I got clogs thrown at me.
Speaker 4:Clogs. My father used to beat my ass and I mean like, fight me like a dude. Yeah, my dad used to. That's why I'm so aggressive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like clogs. Let me tell you, damn, I'm going to tell you as a kid, when the teachers or something would happen in school and then my dad would come home at like 12 at night, you hit a garage door, opening it and my stomach's in knots. I'm like dang it. He's waking me up out of my sleep, really. Yes, wow, and my father the door opens, nah, and he turns the light on. Yo man, I have to talk to you. I'm like God, dang it.
Speaker 3:You got that to him, man.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, see, no, you know what I'm saying. I'm like no, I'm about to catch it. He said yo, yo, I'm gonna tell you. I already know, make this school call y'all.
Speaker 2:I'm like yeah, I know man my bad, not my bad you didn't try to snore extra hard like nah, he didn't care, he didn't care waking me up he was like, yes, juan tate junior, and I'm like, oh great, and then you know.
Speaker 1:but then after a while it's funny my mom used to be like don't hit him too hard. Well, you told him.
Speaker 3:Why did you tell him you know?
Speaker 1:what I'm saying, but I thought, but you know, the thing is, though, they knew, they only did what they knew, right? So I get that. So they only knew what they knew at the time. And, and you know, we evolved Like our parents, aren't us, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:We have more information. For sure we understand. The ability to converse with a child exists For sure. They didn't you know. Tell them like yo, you're just my kid.
Speaker 1:Speak when spoken to. That's it, and if you're in a room, don't say nothing.
Speaker 3:Yeah that's how we were raised.
Speaker 1:Stay in a child's place? Yeah, now, and that's the crazy part about this is that I was brought up with that. I have no opinion, so when, when, like, when my kids be like yeah, they had options, like, yeah, we want this and this. I was like what?
Speaker 2:You're reactive because you're like options A and B no what we getting.
Speaker 3:You don't eat this or you starve. Yeah Damn, I don't do that. I'm a sucker, me either.
Speaker 2:Nobody does that anymore. Nobody does that anymore when.
Speaker 1:I thought about it, I was like no, and then now I'm like what do you want? One, two or three? I'm like yo, bro, I'm a sucker Nah.
Speaker 4:Me too.
Speaker 2:It whole like yo. This is what we're eating and that's it like. They don't do that to themselves.
Speaker 4:No for sure why would they go and do it to their kid? I don't, I don't do that, we don't do it to ourselves, you're right. No, but I, I I'm not gonna pay for something and my kid is not gonna eat it got you so, like, that's my train of thought. So like, what do you want to eat? What do you want to eat? What do you want to? Got you all right, all right this is we going to get from here.
Speaker 2:Your Uber Eats mom.
Speaker 4:First of all, I cook.
Speaker 3:I don't Yo turn off.
Speaker 4:First of all, I'm a 50-50. Because I'm not going to say I'm not an Uber Eats mom, because I am, but I also cook. The thing is is that if I cook, they don't get a choice. Got you, they don't get a choice. I ain't knocking you the thing is is that if I cook they don't get a choice. Got you, they don't get a choice. I know that, like Ami doesn't like mashed potatoes, so I'll try to.
Speaker 2:That's the thing, Right, you think prior to cooking like all right, what's everybody's taste? They?
Speaker 3:didn't.
Speaker 2:It was like here's the rice and beans, here's the chicken Go eat. She didn't eat it, but we did Liver Hell.
Speaker 1:No, y'all see corned beef. Yeah, we call it liver, but corned beef. Well, jamaicans we call it. We make a dish called bully beef, so it's like it's corned beef and white rice.
Speaker 4:Oh they beat you into eating it. No, no, no.
Speaker 3:That's real Puerto Rican food.
Speaker 1:No, that's crazy. Somebody told me it's dog food. Yeah, somebody was trying to tell me it's a struggle meal.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 4:Somebody's like that's a struggle meal I'm like what are you?
Speaker 3:talking about. That's not. That's a gourmet.
Speaker 4:They're like no Gourmet, that's a gourmet in Struggle meal also. I still eat that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we have, you know, bully beef. All the Jamaicans know.
Speaker 3:All right, so you're going to make that, because I'll eat it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, bully beef all day.
Speaker 3:Okay, bully beef, bully beef, you're going to come with something else I'm done Cut.
Speaker 2:I thought, yeah, I thought it was like bully beef. Like yo, I'm a bully if you eat it. See, you don't have a choice.
Speaker 1:You don't have a choice, but no, that's what they call it Bully beef.
Speaker 4:No, my choice was you eat it all together or you just have one. That's hilarious. I had the rice.
Speaker 1:You grabbed the beef Pose. No, not the beef, not the beef, it was the rice.
Speaker 4:I didn't have that. I was like no, and then I used to put, don't judge me no judge. I used to put Parmesan cheese on my rice.
Speaker 1:There's nothing wrong with that. That's not no judging. That's what you like.
Speaker 3:I'm not judging you. You like dog food bro.
Speaker 2:That's what you like. It's not disgusting?
Speaker 3:First of all, parmesan cheese smells bad. You Rice, that's just that's crazy.
Speaker 2:Yo, you're mad judgmental. I am not. Eat your parmesan man, parmesan Parmesan, that's what I used to call it. Oh, parmesan cheese, parmesan cheese.
Speaker 3:That's hilarious. So how often do you cook for your kids?
Speaker 1:Every day pretty much. So yeah, so, yeah, so. So I have a schedule right. It's fucking crazy. So Mike and I get on a phone call between 8.15 and 8.30. Yeah, run us through your day. All right, I like that. So I go to bed around 11 o'clock 12 o'clock-ish, start doing it earlier.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, I would suggest, right why?
Speaker 3:do you look scared?
Speaker 1:Like around that time I get up around like 435, right, and you know why one, I meditate, I pray, gratification bro, we do the same shit.
Speaker 2:427. See what I'm saying. If not, I don't have time to do those things.
Speaker 1:This is what I'm saying and it's real quiet during that morning. You can kind of hear the thoughts. It's almost like I'm talking to the most high directly. Then I write thoughts. It's almost like I'm talking to the most high directly. Um, then I I write in a journal. Um, yeah, it's crazy, but I tell people like yeah, you got a diary. Like no, I got a journal, so I write in this diary, journal, whatever you want to call it, it serves the same purpose. It serves and essentially just the things that I want. And, um, like being super specific though, like to a T, like if I want something and I want it red, it's going to be red with everything I want.
Speaker 2:But that's how you're supposed to right. You're supposed to have specific deadlines, very specific on what it is. Give it a thing. Most people don't, though.
Speaker 1:They just ask for the thing I want, mad money, yeah, how, yeah, how, and that, yeah, how, and that's essentially what me is, I create. I I'm specific on what I want and usually get what I want. When I ask the ways, I'm the way I'm supposed to ask. I usually I usually get it. So I do that and I get up and I look at, go in the fridge and I look what's going on, my guy, what I'm gonna do, if it's, you know, if it's a sunday, I'll probably cook two meats or I'll cook enough meat to hold me for like three days. So you, meal prep, I guess that's what it's called. Yeah, I'll be meal prepping, I guess, and this is something I saw my mother do on a Sunday. She'll cook two meats for the week and then, instead of her cooking, she'll know, she'll just be hey, the food's already here, yeah, so I would do so. Essentially, just I'll do that, um, and sometime I'll, it depends, I'll thaw, you know, meat out or whatever and have it for the next day if I didn't cook enough. And I do that now, before eight o'clock, the food is almost, you know, is prepped, started cooking, rice is already made. This is that.
Speaker 1:I'm talking on the phone with Mike at 8.15 or 8.30 about this group stuff. And then we're going through the process of what does that? You know what we're doing for the week, how. You know the things that needs. You know on our list from last week you know pressing things I got to get done this week. And then I look at the schedule on my calls. So I'll have a call 12, 1230, 230, 340, like, and then, while I'm on my calls, I'm dealing with family stuff. So in that time I'm washing clothes, I'm cleaning and I'm also responding to emails from teachers, right? So if they need things or whatever, I'm responding to emails. Then I take a little break.
Speaker 1:Then my son has to go they train. He trains like he's a professional player. So he trains about four days, four to five days a week. He has a strength and condition coach, he, he has a speed and agility coach, and then his son and then his coaches. Their practice is like four to five days a week. So now I'm taking him and all his stuff and you know, in the meantime, between time I'm doing other things for the other kids.
Speaker 1:You know one may be calling from Gallagher and wants some money, and this one may be and this is, and you can't pull in many different directions, but the thing about it is that I operate a lot from my phone. Before you know, things were getting cut off, man Cable, like, oh shit, it's due. You know what I'm saying? Oh, the light bill is due. When was that? No, no. And then I had to put all these things into yeah, auto pay and also just have it on my calendar. So I know, because I don't trust nobody man, these people will auto pay and auto pay for you five months. Like, yeah, you still owe.
Speaker 2:You. It's like, yeah, you still owe.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying, buddy? Yeah, so I just I'm very see, I'm very much. I definitely do my best to kind of like stay on top of that, and because you know I'm a single person, single dad, I should say Not a single person.
Speaker 2:Now they'll tell you to say person, because times have changed.
Speaker 1:Yes, a single dad. I am having the aspect of everything around me and understanding that I gotta make everything run smooth. At first it wasn't. I was horrible, and as time went on I became a little bit better and a little better and a little better and then all of a sudden I just started understanding. You know, my first year I was like kind of like on autopilot, yeah. And then, as it went on and it just started, and then I'm like all right, cool, and the more you do, the more you do is the best you become.
Speaker 1:But I respect all you single mothers out there. My respect for you has gone tenfold Because I don't know. I now know what they're going through in some sense, yeah, and now I'm going through the process because my daughter is six. So I'm essentially raising her, yeah, and I have to. You know I can't be mom, so I have to be dad. But I'm a softer person because of my kids. I love it and hate it at the same time, because some people pull on those strings you know like, especially because they know that you, you know you've gone through something, so they'll. You know, people use that stuff against you, man. So I'll do my best to kind of like you were over. Huh, it's an ugly world, I know. That's why I gotta, you know, you, you still kind of have to have that. Um, you know I'm a big fan of lions, so I still got to have that lion mentality. Like yo, bro, I'm very nice and calm and you see how lions walk in the jungle, but I will rip your head off, like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:So I'm a Virgo oh dope, yeah, that's why you're so metic. This and got you. Come on, man, yeah.
Speaker 1:So and so for me, that's essentially where I'm at with it.
Speaker 2:I'm just Huh why are you looking at me like that, what's up? Jack.
Speaker 3:She's a Virgo hater.
Speaker 4:I'm not a Virgo hater, you're a Virgo hater.
Speaker 3:She wants to say something. No, I'm not a Virgo hater. Okay.
Speaker 1:Let. So I'm not. Oh yeah, well, listen, man, I'm. I was born in September, I'm good, I'm a guy's guy yeah. You know what I'm saying. I got you, bro, you know, but at the end of the day, I just get. I get what single mothers have gone through. I don't know, like personally, how you felt, but I'm understanding it so much more than ever, Of course I mean you got to clean it up, bro.
Speaker 2:Your story is your story, for sure, your journey. We're in a time, right now, where people need to feel like, yo, this is me, this is what it is, and not have to think like, well, but wait a second. I don't want to hurt these people's feelings, that feelings Because what you've been through and what you're going through, it, yeah Right, that doesn't stop. And even on the better days, the grief will kick in. I'm pretty sure, for sure, and this will always be a part of you, yeah, and it's a part of my story, right.
Speaker 1:So, like you said, it's a part of my story. I think I heard Nick Cannon say something like you know, he's not mourning, but he'd be in grief forever, or something like that yeah, in um, he's not mourning, but he's he'd be in grief forever, or something like that. Yeah, and I kind of understood it. But I didn't understand it because, like, not saying I didn't agree with it, I agreed with it but I didn't um, in some sense, because sometimes when you put things to rest, it doesn't mean that you're not grieving it, but it means that it doesn't control you anymore. Yes, right, so that. And that part I learned from my father-in-law. Like I don't, I can't allow it to dictate the way I make the steps.
Speaker 1:Yes, is there going to be memories that you think about? Of course, but there's things that when you start to understand your life now because I have to understand my life yeah, you're back to done yes, and that's where you know, I think that's where the change is sort of clicking for me. Like, yo, bro, you have to understand you and you have to start understanding that she ain't coming back and you have to do one thing and one thing first is deal with yourself, and then you gotta go and then look at them kids. So you can make sure those kids and that was the biggest thing for me to make sure that I'm be the best father I can for them and not be like you know how they say I want to be a better, I want to be a better father than my dad. Like every generation should just be better, right. So I just want to give them the best Donovan, my father's also named Donovan, so the better Donovan right, don't be for pop.
Speaker 3:Yeah, don't be. Your dad's going to watch this.
Speaker 2:You did your thing dad, your dad's going to watch this? He probably would, man.
Speaker 1:Especially if my people was giving it to me Yo, I'll see your son up on the next podcast, so, but you know what I'm saying. So, but nevertheless, though, I definitely want to be just the best I can be for them, and that's, and that's essentially what that's the biggest, that's my biggest flex man is being, you know, a good man, a good partner and a good dad. Yeah, at the end of the day, those things become, you know, that makes you into the person that you are, so yeah, so what's next for this?
Speaker 3:I was just gonna ask what you gonna say what you gonna say.
Speaker 2:My bad, I was just going to ask that.
Speaker 3:What'd you say? What'd you want to say?
Speaker 2:My bad Johnny, Go, go ask.
Speaker 3:No, no. So what's next for Mr Donovan?
Speaker 2:Personally or like professionally?
Speaker 3:Well, a little bit of both.
Speaker 2:For everything, for everythingly, everythingly, everythingly For everythingly. Everythingly no, so his giveaway is that he?
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, you start to see what you like and be intentional on, like, the people that you want to be around. Yeah, and I think the biggest thing for me was being around people that motivate me and inspire me. So I started kind of like stepping away from different people that didn't do that and they're still good people. I just didn't want to be around them. I'm like yo, I just don't have time to be around you. And that's good that you like you know, going to the strip club every night there's nothing wrong with that. But I'm good, you know, I'm saying that's fine, that's, I'm not there huh, johnny goes to the old lady strip club oh, it's all good, no worries, johnny nah, man, listen.
Speaker 2:That's why I go deep along island where the white trash live and uh, go to the specific oh my god, specific.
Speaker 1:You know they're 50 and up yo like infomercial voice is crazy but yeah, but um, and so I started stepping away from those type of people. Then, on top of that, um, yo, I was like yo, I need to figure Don out and start to understand about. You know, does what does love look like? And you know I, you know, I think I'm, I don't think I know I found what loves look like and Puerto Rican might be OK, it might be. You are Yo yo.
Speaker 1:Puerto Rican's got that sasong you know, yeah, yeah, yo, yo remember what's that. You Puerto Rican's got that Sazón, you know yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yo what.
Speaker 1:Yo remember what's that? You ever seen the movie Big yeah? Oh my god, what's the name? Zotan, yeah, zotan.
Speaker 2:I said you're Zotan Yo. Big is a film from the 80s. Yeah With Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks and the kid from Wonder Years.
Speaker 1:Yo listen, man, I love that. I love that. I love the big. That was one of my favorite movies. Fred Savage it was one of my favorite movies. That was a great movie and, on top of that too, just going with the universal flow, not fighting against it.
Speaker 2:I think that ain't easy man, especially in the field that you're in.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you know, the crazy part is that once you start telling the universe what you want, it starts to move out your way. You start, you start to navigate it like the matrix for real. You start to kind of like move things like almost like near. You can tell it to stop and move it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think explain that.
Speaker 1:So meaning like I don't need to be around people that are negative right At all, Like I, negative right at all. Like I don't need to be around you if you, everything that comes out your mouth is a negative, I can just be like, okay, cool, I'm gonna stop you right there.
Speaker 2:I've caught off family members. There it is. This is blood or not. But you cannot be in, you cannot be attracting misery into my space. That's it. That shit is not good for nobody at all.
Speaker 1:And they say they venting and complaining are two different things. Right, yeah, but even venting can also drain you, because it's also an energy exchange. Somebody vents to you and I'm not saying that you don't need the venting, but if you don't find a solution to it, clearly that's complaining.
Speaker 2:Yeah, especially if you love the person, like it's a close fan member or something, no matter what it's going to affect you.
Speaker 4:But I also feel like a lot of people don't have the mind where they can say, like, if I call Jasmine, do you have a minute, do you have the energy for me to let it out, because I need to talk about this right now? Wow, a lot of people don't have that. They don't know that. Yes, I need to let it out, but are you OK to receive that?
Speaker 2:Wow, yeah, she could be going through something wrong, right.
Speaker 4:Right, she could be going through anything, and if I don't have like all I'm, I'm going to sit here and just download on you and I'm going to let all of that out. I'm not thinking about you, I'm only thinking about myself. So it's all about how you're thinking about that, in an unselfish way.
Speaker 1:For sure.
Speaker 4:Because unselfish, way for sure, because, yes, selfishly, you want to let it out. But does this person have the capacity?
Speaker 2:to receive that. That's a fact. We have to get better at that too, though no, we do somebody is because I'm more. Yo come vent to me all day, every day, but I don't have the capacity to say sometimes yo I'm not really in a space to like listen to this right, see that right there.
Speaker 1:That's where I've got better at, and that's like Neo and the Matrix. It's just stopping it, yo, I can't deal with this at the moment. And if they don't get it and listen, I understand, okay, I get it, but at this moment in time I cannot deal with this. For me personally, before I call somebody about venting, I've already thought about this 14,000 times and came up with my answers. And I just want to see if my answers are right, like, oh, I'm like, hey, what do you think about this? And then you'll be like, eh, no, so I'm already giving you my solutions, just seeing how you, and that's just something that works for me.
Speaker 1:And some days I do have the time that I need to vent, right, and I go. You know, I do my best to try not to download on somebody when they're probably going through something too. So I, I, I'm, I'm about to start doing that, which is I'm a check, like, hey, listen, you know, yo, are you good for me to have a conversation with? And then you know even a therapist. So, like you know, having speaking to a therapist, it's, it's, it's helped me. I was gonna ask, um, yeah, yeah, so I, I do therapy and it's definitely been. You know, the most clarity because it's a person that doesn't know me. Um, he's almost, he's super honest, um, you know, and my therapist I don't know about giles, he curses, which I love, you know, I'm saying he's kind of eagerish, you know I mean. So I love it.
Speaker 1:You know I'm saying, and I I don't know about y'all's he curses, which I love. You know what I'm saying. He's kind of eagerish, you know what I mean. So I love it. You know what I'm saying. And I, the fact that he's he just keeps it a buck with me, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Like yo, you know you know what it is. Is that because you know, after a while you start talking to somebody, you start to get to know them. But the thing is is just making sure that I'm able to kind of like convey what I need and then get you know the response that I'm supposed like want to hear. Like I'm right, I don't want to be right, so like listen, if I'm right, that means I'm still doing something wrong. Right, and I get the information from him or whoever you know that I trust, and I just put this shit into action. And that's another thing too. Like we get information from people and we don't execute it. Like you're done having a whole three-hour conversation like I'm gonna do this next now, and then you're you should do that, and then you talk to them next week and they're like did you do it?
Speaker 4:Nah, like bro so why do we talk? Yeah, this is, first of all, stop yelling at me. Oh sorry, because I feel like I do that Really. My bad, oh, my bad. No, no, no, no. It's because I have all of these things where I get all of this knowledge and I'm like, wow, I really want to do that and I can do that, right.
Speaker 3:Same here.
Speaker 4:But I feel like the execution is where I lack.
Speaker 1:That's but we but I've done it, Everybody's done it. And then the crazy part about this is I found out that I do it, and when I did it I was snap. I just talked to this dude like three hours and none of the stuff we talked about I did. And then my mentor started calling me and checking me. Yo, he went, say yo, it matters man it does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have a mentor so I have a mentor man. He's ridiculously rich and like ridiculously rich, like ridiculously, and he's very much called him if he wants a new mentee yeah, I was just gonna say that too.
Speaker 1:Yo, no, like he's he like he's a guy that he travels, like he travels like he lives on a boat. No, no, no, he lives on a yacht. Okay, so he lives on a yacht? Yeah, he lives on a yacht. He's wealthy, yeah, he's wealthy. So he takes his boat. When Hampton season comes, he comes from Miami, goes docks to his house, his wife goes to the house. He stays on the boat. He has a full staff, takes this boat, go right back to Miami. Everybody else goes off. He's on the boat. He lives a life. I love it, and it's amazing.
Speaker 1:And the greatest part about him, though, is he's brutally honest with me. I've known him since I was you know, I was like my late 20s, and I've never asked him for anything opposed to just information, and he's given me a lot of information that helped me, and those things. Those type of people they get to check you. I'm like yo listen. He was like yo, you being a pussy, you got to stop. Like you can't, and he was one.
Speaker 1:He checked on me a lot. He's like I thought I had to go, you know. He said I thought I'm going to have to do an intervention. I said why? He said because you go from being married for 16 years and now you're a single man. He said I expected you to be in everybody's strip club. He said I expected you to be in every woman's bed. He said I expected to call you and you had four women in your bed. He said I expected you. He said that's why I faith he never facetimes me. Now he facetimes me like where you at, I'm like I'm home, like why are you facetiming me? But he's like I was just checking because he said. He said, because that's also a trauma response to things too, he said you go from being this man for 16 years to now not being this man. You're like a pit bull off the leash. You're going to be biting on everything.
Speaker 4:No, because you got to find your identity after that.
Speaker 1:And that's essentially what it was. It was good, but I told him. I said I didn't want also my sons to see that I was going to say.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you took the words out. Yo, I didn't want my. I'm an example.
Speaker 1:at the end of the day, no matter what Yo I wanted my sons to see these are men, I'm growing, yo, that's the thing. I had. People ask me, like yo, how many people came to your house? I'm like, like you know, I had friends. Like I guess my son's friends divorced and he was like you know how many girlfriends your dad have, because I guess his father has a lot of girlfriends. My son's, like my dad, don't even let nobody. Nobody knows where we live. Like you know, when Styles P say, if I show you where I live, you would think I was hiding. That's like where I live. Like if I showed you where I live, you would think I was hiding on purpose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, but that's what I do, that's how I live. I just and I'm not. And I told him I was like yo, I appreciate that. My brother told me the same thing too, like I thought you're going to go crazy. And I was like nah, I said, bro, what to do when you take vows and you have a covenant? See, the thing is, people think you just when you make a covenant, it's just for you know, when you get married, no, if you tell somebody like yo, I'm committed to you, right, I'm committed, yeah, that's it. There's no more. Like there's.
Speaker 1:No, it don't got to be this special. You're a man of your word. You don't need a paper. Exactly you know what I'm saying. Yeah, it's like my word is my bond, like for real, and that's what it is. You don't, I don't have to go outside of that. I made a commitment, the commitment's already made and I'm not changing it unless I'm betrayed. You know what I'm saying. Like what they say, I reward betrayal with distance and that's pretty much it. Like you know what I'm saying and that's where I'm at. You know what I'm saying and that. Huh, you said who I was going to use that.
Speaker 1:Using that, yeah, yeah, but that's a fact. I use betrayal and I use that with distance. And then you essentially begin to know what you want, right From standing what you want, from standing on what you believe. And that's where I'm at, man, I'm teaching these kids like yo, bro, not because this is it. You got to go wild. You know what I'm saying and the best part about this is they didn't see that and they understood that. Yo, dad is standing on. You know what they're saying stand on business. I'm standing on my business and making sure they know, like yo, they got a stand up father. I'm not a weak father because I'm not going to raise weak men, and you know what I'm saying. They're going to be strong men because they're going to have to deal with a different time than us and they got to be strong in that time. So I have to show them strength now so they can be stronger later I see why and are successful and are doing what you're doing.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it. No, for real, everything that is in that name pretty much both of you bring to the table, for sure, right, and especially you guys are raising men, yes, stuff in that business, for sure. These are young kids with a crazy amount of attention, a crazy amount of money in a time where Attention is currency Bro.
Speaker 1:Yeah, where attention is. Currency, bro, yeah. So yeah, I commend you for that man. Not you would think about it too. Like, let's say, with mike. If mike got with a partner that he would have asked me hey, why are you divorced? And I'm like, well, she got sick and I left. He wouldn't want to be with like he. Like like what?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's horrible yeah, like I'm laughing, but it's not for now, but people do that shit, but think about it.
Speaker 1:He would have been like man, you left the person that you married. Imagine when we hit, something goes wrong, you gonna run away, yeah, and that's. And the thing is, other partners you guys probably had. And then when I spoke to the doctors, the doctors said that it's like, oh, I'm surprised you're still here. It's like yo, yeah, so people, so people. The crazy part about this, that's the norm.
Speaker 4:Like you're a phenomenon.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I'm just doing my job, I'm not. I said yo, I don't want no award for being a man and being a husband Like I don't want. I don't want no award for something I'm supposed to do. So when I was hearing people say, oh, you stayed and I'm and I'm not, that's not even just doctors, just regular. You know other people I'm like what do you mean? I'm like yo, you made, I made, I got packed. He's like yeah, but you don't. People don't talk about the people that stay. Nah, no, they show you. They say, well, they go, it's vast than the people that stay. So when I hear that I'm like, oh wow, like I didn't, that wasn't something. I was like you know what, I'm just going to stay because I'm going to act like I'm a good guy. No, I did what I'm supposed to do. So when it comes to Mike, I was telling him this. I say imagine that was my thing.
Speaker 2:Like yo, yeah, she. When somebody and I, it's a compliment, I love it. But like you're such a great dad, yeah, because I'm like the fuck, am I supposed to be doing?
Speaker 4:because the norm is not that.
Speaker 2:That's a fact, that's the problem, but it feels icky because of that reason, because I, you see it, there's no way in your mind you can do anything opposite. That's you can do anything opposite. That's You'd be like well, I'm a loser if I'm doing anything opposite A hundred percent, and that's the thing I think.
Speaker 1:Fathers, nowadays, they have an out right. So the ones that I I'm not everybody, I'm not going to typecast everybody, but there's some people that just think, well, they're with the mom, good If they. Well, they're with the mom, good, even if they're not in their life anymore, they're fine, they don't need any guidance. And that's the crazy part about this is that if you think that way, it's a problem, Because what happens is that means your approach is never going to be from a genuine aspect anyway. If you think that, oh, because they'll be all right, okay, that's what my pop's thinking, but how did that work out for you, though? They'll be okay, Exactly, you know what I'm saying, and that's where it is with me. It's like, okay, they'll be all right, all right.
Speaker 4:But then also allowing that burden to lie on the next person because, let's say, the mother moves on Yep, right. So now there's another man and you're okay with another man raising your.
Speaker 3:Hell, no, no, because you know it's going to be an issue. But think about it. No, but some people don't have issues. But the thing is is that they don't have an issue.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's the wildest shit I'm ever in.
Speaker 4:Oh well, in your situation. Yes, that's okay. Yeah, oh oh that's okay.
Speaker 1:He's a great man, thank you. But you want to say something crazy, though. Even with that, though that sometimes will be, they do the opposite. Now they think they care more because there's a person in the picture. Oh, now I want to be Mr Super Dad, now I want to be Super Dad. But then that's also. And look, I'm all for if that helps to push you, if it works out.
Speaker 2:Well, good, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:But if that's what it took for you to be a good father, I mean kudos to you, that's no. There's no judgment, dear, because that whatever, nah, I'm judging, that's cool, but I'm not gonna judge, because whatever turned it on for you to become that, maybe that's what needed to happen to give you a push, right, okay, okay, cool, I'm not saying, but I'm also not taking you off the hook because you made a choice to not become super active. That's on you. We all were there, like when I was younger, my daughter. I've been a father my whole adult life, 21,. I had my first kid. You know I've made.
Speaker 1:I've definitely, in my time as a young father, made some mistakes and trying to figure it out because I wasn't her mom still. But as time went on, you start to. You start to right your wrongs and they don't try. If they don't right their wrongs, then it's a problem. That's where the issue lies. When you let it prolong, we could get it that you made a few mistakes.
Speaker 1:Everybody makes mistakes. Mistakes make you better. Matter of fact, mistakes, they say whatever you do in private, you get rewarded in public, right? So all the mistakes you've made privately, you can correct them in public. So you should do that. So that's what I've done. Whatever I've made, whatever mistakes I've made privately, I've been working on myself privately so I can get rewarded in public, and not rewarded per se me, but the things I could do for my kids and the relationship that I have with my kids. So that's where it with me is that I want to make sure that I'm becoming the best version of myself and me being a part of another person's kids. I'm going to be the best version of me, so they get the best version of me, and I'm not in competition. This is just who I am. I'm not going to, I'm not here to. Hey, you should be doing this, my man. That's on you.
Speaker 1:If you don't want to do it, it's on you If I can't do it, I'm going to do it Exactly and I don't need to get the blunt of who you are, because you know. You know men want to challenge men. Yeah, and I'm like, and I'm not with the. I'm not with the, I'm like Jamaicans. I'm not with the bag of talking, I'm just not with it. I'm not with the bag of back and forth, because it makes no sense, like I'm here as a bonus to help you, vice versa, to be something this is supposed to be about them. If this person's going to be there for a long period of time and this is what has been established from a relationship standpoint why not like, oh, another person's going to help and I can do this, and we can be cool.
Speaker 2:I think most don't put their kids first. That's the problem. Feelings- this first the ego what you feel you know, I'm just saying why?
Speaker 4:because I know, because no, because I am, I exactly that. She has a couple of times, but she's good. No, but exactly that, that bonus aspect of it where, like we know, I, you guys, didn't work out. That's great. We're going to be cool because we're raising these children. We have to raise these children together. They have to see you guys being on the same page.
Speaker 1:So for me I'm like yo. If it was the shoes on the other foot, for me actually it has. My daughter went with her mom. Her mom got remarried and the guy that she's with is a good dude. I haven't met him a couple of few times but I've listened to my daughter speak about how very highly of him and I can only praise that. I'm like yo. I'm not like man who just put a man around my kid.
Speaker 1:Can't do that. He taught her how to drive. This is that. Those are the things that I'm like. Yo place of me. Somebody else thought she was that special tool to to be a father, just that's yeah, the thing is in that moment.
Speaker 2:What would you want?
Speaker 4:the alternative exactly right like for him to be a dick with your kid, because and there's a lot of those though- there's so, there's so much of that out there, that I, I just I look at these things, like even some of the things that that we've spoken about before about how I feel about that situation, and I've seen comments like I can never write because your brain doesn't work clearly.
Speaker 1:And that's why you could never that's crazy, no, but think about it though. I'm not. As a father, you're the bonus dude. You want to make sure that you give clearly. You love their mother, you want them, want him to know like yo, listen, I love them, I love the mom, I'm going to love your kids. Some men could care, but then you have the other half that give two shits about the kids and then that's a problem because you can't love the mom and not love the kids or even develop a relationship.
Speaker 4:Not even sometimes the men.
Speaker 2:I would say even if your mom accepts that the stepmoms. Yeah.
Speaker 4:You know they don't. They clearly don't love the man enough if they're too busy wanting to fight with the ex.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 4:I don't want to fight with the ex. I don't want to fight with you.
Speaker 2:I think that happens more with women too.
Speaker 4:It does. I don't want to fight with the ex, I don't want to fight with you. I think that happens more with women too. It does, and that's why I say that, because it's so hard for them to understand I don't want him anymore, you got him, I don't want him anymore. But sometimes they do. That's a different topic.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, let's keep it on the nice side, yeah.
Speaker 4:But there's so much going back and forth with with women in that situation, why are you so mad? It didn't work out, move on.
Speaker 1:That's crazy. I mean, that has happened for sure. I've seen it and it hasn't been my story, so I haven't personally seen it, but I definitely have seen like, like from like cause of my, my, my bros, you know, getting with a woman and the man, and the man becomes very irate. Like yo, he wasn't around, and now that my bro is stepping up and being like the father now he wants to be mr super dad, which is cool he's like, and my homeboy's, like yo. I'm happy that you being I mean your bro you're not trying to show me off. I'm happy that you're doing your thing, but you're supposed to do, because you're doing, supposed to do. But then it's turned into like like he was trying to now add rules, like he can't to the mom, like you now becomes like he's running the household. And then when you, and then when, when, when a guy, like when the bonus dude feels like he's like yo, bro, like i'm'm the one putting the time in Matter of fact, I'm paying the bills, Like why do you, how do you feel, how do you think that you can come and say what happens in my house? Yes, and I think sometimes the guy which I've seen, they think like yo, because they are, you know, they once had a relationship that they can run the household.
Speaker 1:No, and I think for men like in, particularly, that's where, because now you have two, now it's two rams, especially if you have one, that's a hothead. Yeah, you know, I'm saying me personally. I said I'm not a hothead, I'm this guy. Oh, you got it. You know I'm because I'm not going to get involved in a clown behavior or circus. Now you, you can have that. I will excuse myself, and you could be talking to yourself. You know what I'm saying. Like, listen, while you're talking to yourself, I'm outside with the kids or we're doing something, because I don't want no problems with you about how you feel now. Right, you know what I'm saying and in fact I could care less how you felt before, but I could care even less, even more, about how you feel now, cause I'm only here to give, I'm added support, just like with my kids, like when a woman comes into their life. That's all I want is for her, her, to to to essentially become that.
Speaker 1:You know they're not, they're understanding like this is. This is the process that's happening. Dad's going through this process and you know I like her and I want to develop a relationship. That's it. But on my side it ain't no resistance. You get what I'm saying, considering you know what I'm saying. So I'm, there's no resistance on my side, it's just pure let's go. But I know on the other side, you know you have to start thinking to yourself like you have to. You have to make sure that you understand that things may happen and you got to be prepared for them and for me. I'm always prepared, you know, but I'm always because I also always want that to be something that can become. And when I say aggressor, it doesn't always mean fight. It could be, yeah, it could just mean anything. I just don't. I'm not the guy to listen, man.
Speaker 2:You also want those kids to be like damn, my dad is doing this, not that you're doing it for that reason Also, know, I'm here, I'm good, this is how we're supposed to move. That's it.
Speaker 4:You got to let them make their own decision.
Speaker 1:Exactly and understand that you're creating a safe place.
Speaker 4:Right.
Speaker 1:And a safe zone. You can come to me with anything. That's the type of father I am. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. You know it's not like. You know, dad, I killed somebody Really. Right, I killed somebody Really. All right, let's get the show, let's have a conversation.
Speaker 2:You're not Nuh-uh Like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Like you know what I'm saying. Like, no, like, okay, what are we doing? Like, all right, take a deep breath, let's figure this out. But you know what I'm saying. But that's the type that's eldest daughter man. I have a real dope relation with her, you know what I mean. She tells me about her boyfriend. I hate it, but she tells me about her boyfriends, you know listen.
Speaker 2:I hate it. It gets awkward. I can imagine I don't want to be there. Yet I got an eight-year-old.
Speaker 4:I'll be punching the air bro. It's going to be deep. You have to sit there, tell her tell them what your daughter said.
Speaker 1:Wait, which one? There's a few times what she said when she left the date. Oh yeah, she said you know she was like my dad shows me how a man's supposed to be, so that's not what you know, fire. So I was like, oh, I love that.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 1:But then there's the other ones. You know what I'm saying. And you know what I'm saying. Is this going on Patreon? I don't know.
Speaker 3:If you wanted to.
Speaker 2:Well, dawn thank you for coming on the show For more information, I mean for what we're about to talk about. Sign up to the Patreon. It's only $3 a month, 10 cents a day. We're glad to have you here. Thank you, I appreciate you guys. Let's move it to.