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ParentsUncut Pod
This is a Podcast surrounding the adventure, struggle, beauty and intricacies of new parenthood. Hosted by three parents, totally 10 kids in together, they go through their mazes and phases of parenting styles, parenting norms, modern day parents, their trials and tribulations whilst keeping it raw and unfiltered. Thanking you for joining us on this journey and we hope we can bring some value to new parents, old parents and those thinking of becoming parents
ParentsUncut Pod
Co-parenting, Narcissistic Ex's, Traditions & Finding Peace | Episode 14
Navigating the stormy seas of co-parenting with a narcissistic ex can feel like an endless battle, but it's one many of us face. Together, we share personal experiences and insights, from recognizing manipulative behaviors to the inadvertent slide back into relationship-like dynamics post-breakup. It's an honest reflection on the perseverance needed to keep our families stable and the courage required to uphold our personal peace.
But it's not all about the tough stuff. We celebrate the beauty in the traditions that bind us, the cherished memories evoked through food, music, and laughter that fill our homes. Don and I reminisce about creating new rituals with our children, preserving the essence of our cultural heritage, and the small, memorable moments that shape our legacies. Listen in for a heartfelt exploration of how these practices not only connect us to our past but also pave the way for enriching our children's future.
Then, we pivot to the evolution of dating, gender roles, and financial dynamics in modern relationships. As we share stories of setting healthy boundaries, we reveal how communication, emotional intelligence, and mutual respect are the cornerstones of any healthy partnership. Don's perspective sheds light on navigating the delicate balance between protecting our loved ones and fostering their independence, all while confronting the societal expectations that can challenge our emotional growth. This episode is a candid look at the intricate dance of individuality and connection, providing wisdom and humor in equal measure. Join us as we uncover the keys to forging strong, loving bonds—despite the odds.
Thank you for being here, thank you for your time and energy. We hope that we can ALL build this incredible community for parents by parents with parents.
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I'm not going to say ladies and handsome men, because Johnny's not here. So it's ladies and gents, welcome to Parents Uncut. I'm your host, jazz, along with my co-host.
Speaker 2:Jax, and we have a special special guest today, very special to me. Take it away.
Speaker 3:Hello everybody, my name is Don. I don't have that Johnny voice, but uh I'm gonna try hi who is it.
Speaker 1:Jessenia said he sounds like, um, yeah, just like he could be a really nice voice. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, yeah, and today I'm gonna put you on the spot, okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I was at Tattletail today at church and I was talking to one of our the Lord doesn't like gossiping. Actually, you will like this, so I was saying so. Miss Aretha came up to me and Veronica today she's a fan of ours. She is a fan, right, but she was like you know. I was watching the episode with that guy, don. Oh my God, he speaks so nice and she was. No, she was bigging you up.
Speaker 3:Thank you, thank you very much and I said Appreciate you.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's Jasmine's boyfriend and she was like really, and then she was like I told her already. So Veronica was like oh, because you know, miss Aretha was talking you up and she was like no, you have to hear his story. It's so great, he's like such a good man. I said, no, he really is, and we started talking about that. Veronica was like I'm going to pray for them. I'm going to pray for them Because, yes, I was like I know that's so sweet.
Speaker 1:Listen, I started tearing up. Thank you for all the praise, Yano.
Speaker 2:I'm the biggest fan, right Thank you Jax. From day one From day uno. Numero uno. Yes, so I have teared up about this before, so I was like, yes, my friend is so happy, you don't understand. So, anyway, I just wanted to tell you guys, I appreciate that yes, you know new love.
Speaker 1:You're so corny.
Speaker 2:We've been like who are we sometimes, I know you start doing dumb ass shit that you've never done before nah, for sure, thank you guys for having me.
Speaker 1:I'm your first guest host no yes, no, not guest host.
Speaker 3:Yes, really, oh sorry, sorry you are number one, babe, you are uno okay, thank you guys, oh sorry, yeah, sorry, you are number one babe, numero uno.
Speaker 2:Okay, thank, you guys, I'm third wheeling here. No, you're not I am Definitely.
Speaker 3:I'm the third wheel, I'm third wheeling here.
Speaker 1:No, so it's funny, right, because Johnny sent the message that.
Speaker 2:Johnny's out.
Speaker 1:He took a sick day. He took a sick day today, you know.
Speaker 2:I don't think it was a mental health day.
Speaker 1:This would be his mental health day if he's coming here. He had to actually be.
Speaker 2:He had to be a dad and he had to take care of his daughter. Shout out to you my brother, yes, no, doing the ultimate daddy stuff all the time so amazing.
Speaker 1:Yes, he's one of the great ones. Yes, johnny.
Speaker 2:Yes, we are surrounded by great fathers, which is I love that.
Speaker 1:So I love that. So Johnny sends a message right and he's on his way to come pick me up. So I'm like so we may need you to fill in today.
Speaker 2:And he's like oh, okay no, and then she, she messages me. She's like only if it's okay with you and Amir, and I'm like yeah, I'm with you, amir's like I told you that already today earlier.
Speaker 3:Oh, did we? Oh yeah, my bad. Well, I didn't know, it was definitely interesting. I'm here today.
Speaker 2:Well, now you're here.
Speaker 3:Yes, we appreciate you.
Speaker 2:What are we talking about today?
Speaker 1:We have a bunch of topics. We do you know, amir didn't bring the board, so we have cell phones.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, so we can start with a topic that has been discussed a lot these past few days Narcissistic parenting. Oh, we're starting off hard.
Speaker 3:Yes, interesting.
Speaker 1:Because it's a serious issue, yes, and many people deal with it, and some people suffer from it and they don't even know. Yes, so I myself have been one.
Speaker 2:You've been on narcissistic.
Speaker 1:No, on the receiving end. The other side is narcissistic parents. Right, I'm not saying no names, because my manager checked me last time.
Speaker 2:And if you guys know the name, just whisper it to yourself. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:So we follow Parents Magazine right, so they had an article on it and it says here are some ways you can tell if you're dealing with a narcissistic co-parent. So you know they pretty much all resonated with me.
Speaker 3:So which ones in particular?
Speaker 1:Let's go with them. They struggle to stick to agreements. Yes, they refuse to be flexible, correct. They'll put the kids in the middle of disagreements between the two of you. They will use manipulation when they want something. They may try to spoil good things you experience with criticism or punishing behaviors due to envy. They offer love and affection only as a conditional reward rather than as a natural expression. They may also be rigid in their thoughts and demeanor to control their children or partners. They may also be rigid in their thoughts and demeanor to control their children or partners. They'll boast excessively, they demonstrate feelings of personal superiority superiority and they lack empathy. Jack is already ready?
Speaker 3:I'm not.
Speaker 2:I'm not ready because I'm trying to be and they lack empathy.
Speaker 3:Jax is already ready.
Speaker 2:I'm not. I'm not ready because I'm trying to be not the angry gremlin here.
Speaker 3:No, you don't have to. No, you don't want.
Speaker 1:I like the Jax rant so I love it and you know, I know that you experienced that I have actually In the past In the past and the present actually.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're right, let In the past. In the past and the present. Actually, yeah, you're right, let's talk about how, today, my child is waiting for his father to pick him up to go out, and I think this is what month are we? In April.
Speaker 1:April now.
Speaker 2:So this is the couple hours in the month that you know, because this happens once a month.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:He comes usually for like one hour.
Speaker 1:I think he surprised us one month and came twice and when he comes he sees them at your house, at my house, right right, another one yeah, comes to see them at my house, right is that is that is that is.
Speaker 3:That is that common practice?
Speaker 2:I think and let's let's be honest, right? I think that because of who we are, we make it comfortable, because it's almost like a I'm doing it for my kids, right, and I want to take away the excuses okay and when the excuse is I have nowhere to go or I don't know what to do, or you know I don't have a car or I don't. You know it's going to take me forever to get there. I've picked him up from the train station, dropped him off at the train station.
Speaker 3:Do you think that's like codependencies, though still?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:Do you think that's also like also giving them outs?
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 3:So my question is like I get that is about the kids. Yes, I understand that, but do you think that, um, you have to let a man be a man if he can't, if he can't abide by certain things, that you should just be like?
Speaker 2:listen, although it's going to hurt my child, I'm going to let you figure it out so yes, so I will say I believe the last time I said I was didn't directly say you can't come here. I was like, well, where are you taking them? Got you right? So reversing that and saying where are you taking them? No, you should, you need to take them out, or whatever. I'm not going to be home, so you need to be out, right, so not giving the the comfortability to be in my space, right, because it was always where you're in my space, but you're not paying attention to your kids or you're watching the TV or, you know, playing with my kid.
Speaker 3:And anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I was taking that away. So they went out, for it was not an hour this time, it was an hour and a half. I was like, okay, some progress, right. So anyway, he's supposed to be coming today. He was upset because now Devin doesn't want to go.
Speaker 2:Devin doesn't want to go, he's over it, right, well, devin's over it, yes, but Devin doesn't want to go because he already spent one-on-one time with him. He already spent one-on-one time with him, and so devin's thought process is well, he spent one-on-one time with me. He should be spending one-on-one time with my brother got you, so he gave the suggestion to spend one-on-one time with his brother, and I know we don't like to have favorite children, but devin seems to be the favorite child got. And so he was supposed to be at my house at 2 o'clock.
Speaker 2:And at 2 o'clock, he's still not even there. He hadn't even left his own house. So now my son didn't go to church with me today because he was waiting for his dad and all those things. So it's like, because you're not getting your way as a narcissistic parent, now you're ruining it. Now you're ruining it. You're ruining it for your child Just because you didn't get like it wasn't the picture perfect thing. You know the Instagram. You know post that you wanted, and for me that's like.
Speaker 3:I mean, but if you're doing it, if people are only doing it for the Instagram posts, whatever that's just you know, then they're operating within the system of what you know social media is.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:You know the facade Right. Personally, if you're currently not with the mother or father, I think there should be some type of boundary woman and the man so that it shouldn't be that the individual, either one of them, think that it's easy to come as they please, almost like a revolving door, Because what ends up happening is it keeps that relationship kind of open In some sense.
Speaker 2:For me, what I've seen from the man's side in his head it's kind of like oh, like, oh, I still have access I will say that that's true right, because then I'll get like random text messages about you know his life, like things that are going on. See, she's not the only one, no, no and it's, and it's so crazy because, like you know my life, you know that, first of all, we haven't been together in what year, I'm gonna say over eight years, seven or eight years, right. So there's nothing.
Speaker 1:I've moved on, you've moved on but like don told me today, men are patients. Yes, yes, they are, yes, they are men.
Speaker 3:Men are listen, that's so. This is the like. Some men don't like men when their women have best friends.
Speaker 2:Of the opposite sex, because men are patient.
Speaker 3:Yes, you know, all it takes is that.
Speaker 1:Dick in a glass jar.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah, it's a fact.
Speaker 2:I no, no, I've never heard that term, but that makes so much sense.
Speaker 3:Man of patience so being the fact that it doesn't matter if you're married now. You could have been in a relationship For him, because he still has that access and I'm just particular him in, you know, pointing him out. But because he has that access, it's still like there's something there. So the random text messages of hey, how you doing, hope all is well, I'm not this, I was feeling like this and it's all to see if you can kind of give back the information, like kind of have a dialogue, and when that starts to happen, the door for his mind, the door is open.
Speaker 1:Um, so, I was you are correct and listen, I didn't realize I was doing that I didn't either, until recently. Yes, I did not either until recently. And.
Speaker 2:I will say that I started putting the boundary. I don't answer text messages back. I have gotten the. Oh, are you good Like the concern? The concern.
Speaker 3:You know, listen. Yeah, I try not to be like I know everything. I don't know everything because I'm definitely learning Jackie, the same.
Speaker 1:Yes, first of all, we live the same life right.
Speaker 2:But it's true because they're like oh, I haven't heard from you, or whatever.
Speaker 1:I'm good, you feeling better.
Speaker 2:First of all, let's talk about how. If something happened to me, I'm sure my kid would reach out to you and say, hey, dad, mom's in the hospital, whatever, right, so it doesn't have to come from me. Yes, I'm great, I'm fine, I'm doing well, leave me alone, right? But yes, there has to be a boundary, so I don't answer the text messages anymore. Um, you know telling me that you know you're going through something medically and I'm like, oh, okay, is that?
Speaker 3:a part of the narcissistic aspect. I do think so, because now they want the care back, right.
Speaker 2:So we've reversed the table right. They're no longer in control. Now we're in control, right, so we're not giving that attention. They want to gain the attention back. Got you, they want to gain that back. So what better way?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean being a narcissist, I guess, whatever that is, you know, because there's so many different meanings to it. So I don't mean to kind of pass off, but it kind of just seems as if that it's about. However they can push a boundary. So if I know that, what? If I feel what you're going through is a phase Like you being married or you being single, I just feel like it's a phase.
Speaker 2:What a phase. No, no, you being single, I just feel like it's a phase. What a phase. No, no, no, but no. But I'm just saying, like Men are patient, yes, men are patient In the patient male mind, right In that patient male mind, to me right, because I'm looking at that as you're a freaking idiot, because what a phase.
Speaker 3:But it's a phase, right? So they may think that let's just say they think that it's a phase and especially if it's nothing that they see that is like prominent men will typically I'm going to say, some men will typically try to push the boundary. So the boundary would be like all right, let me see if I can do this, that this. And then all of a sudden, it's almost like you're in a relationship and not knowing that you're back in a relationship, because it it's almost like you're in a relationship and not knowing that you're back in a relationship, because it becomes like, because now the conversation is talking, it's like yo guess what, guess what happened to me today? And you're like what. And then it's like wait a minute, why am I even having this conversation with you? And then, when something has to do with the kids, that's when the argument comes. So clearly it's not about the kids anymore, it's about how can I get back with you? And then then let's deal with the kids.
Speaker 2:I didn't realize that and I didn't realize that being friends, right, because in a way right.
Speaker 1:I always say I don't want the animosity right For sure.
Speaker 2:You don't want the animosity. So like I've always been not always been, but I've always tried to be cordial with your significant other you know like we can say hi, you know we don't have to be the best of friends.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 2:But you know, like I don't want that tension, right so, and you always have that tension with your ex. Right Now, finally, you're at a place where that tension doesn't exist, or you think that tension doesn't exist, and now they're masking with friendship.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 2:Right, because that's what it is. So now you're like, finally, because you, as an empath, you're like I don't want, I don't want the animosity, so you give in to the friendship part of it, yes, and then you're, you're weaseled, you're weaseled into a relationship.
Speaker 3:But that's the, I think that's the narcissistic.
Speaker 2:Guilty. Yes, yes, that is the narcissistic side of that parent.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's kind of crazy.
Speaker 1:No, it's like I didn't realize that I was doing that. I just thought, you know. Know, let me, like you said, keep the peace so the kids can have their father there, um, not realizing that he was overstepping boundaries. But I didn't set those boundaries, and in the first place. So, like you, don't want to go out with the kids because I live far, that's your excuse, I live too far now, so you can see them in my house and then you're going in my fridge, then you're coming in my room checking what I'm doing, you know so yeah, so, so this is what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:So, so, so now look, so now that becomes the doors open, so that now, when, when something happens, all it's going to get right back to you. Well, you allowed me, I'm here, I can do what I can do. I'm here.
Speaker 2:I'm in the fridge.
Speaker 3:I got my feet up. The boundaries does not have to be set. The thing is like this Co-parenting you can co-parent, and I'm pretty sure that there's a lot of great examples of co-parenting. Me personally, this is just my I just don't think co-parenting like that works, because ultimately, if the other person's setting boundaries on you but you're not setting boundaries on them, then it's a one-way relationship, 100%.
Speaker 3:So if you can't do the same, if you got to go pick up your kid and you got to wait for them to come downstairs or wait for them to come outside, then it's not the same kind of relationship. But that individual, that other person, can come to your house and go into your house and be like hey, I'm home, they don't pay no bills, they don't do this, they don't do that, but they are able to come to your house like it's open, like it's 7-Eleven, to come to your house like it's open, like it's 7-Eleven. You know what I'm saying? Listen, I just don't feel like that's a successful co-parenting aspect, especially when it comes to feelings.
Speaker 2:So question yes, Now that boundaries need to be set right. Now you know better, you do better right Now. Boundaries need to be set. How do you go about that?
Speaker 3:Well, I mean, well being that, you have to. Let's just say you're dealing with a person that's not going to listen. I'm going to go there first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're going to go there first.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So what you have to do is you have to start setting the boundaries with yourself, Meaning like when there are certain things that will be said. You have to. Language is super important, Like language, how you respond, what you respond, how you say things. Because, remember, if you say things in a sense of like, like, it almost sounds like you're in a relationship that other person may take that that same way. You may not think about it, you just be yeah, what's up?
Speaker 3:And you're in motion and they're like oh see, this is how she would speak to me, so more direct versus sugarcoating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if you start sugarcoating like hey, how was your day, remember, like you know, oh, she wants to, you're you you kind of have to be like you're not easing into this conversation, like, hey, listen, I need to let you know something. This is what it is right now.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 2:And this is the boundary that I need to set.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 2:So we're being direct now and really, at the end of the day, it has to be a kind of like fuck your feelings situation.
Speaker 3:Essentially.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because this is your space. Yes, this is your space. You need to protect your space, your feelings, your own emotions.
Speaker 3:So it is oh, fuck your feelings, yeah, but let's say, that person not thinking like that, though what if that person not going is not even listening to you? So you have to then set it so it's even the way you respond and even when it's time to like say, oh, are you gonna come get the kids? And I'm like, yeah, I'm yeah, I'll probably come get them whenever. But then that person don't you have to then give them prompts to get you the kids right. So, either female or male, you give them prompts Like hey, remember, at Sunday at eight o'clock, and they're like, yeah, we're going to. But then you don that no more, because when you give, because the thing is remember, it's like it's still the relationship standpoint, it's still like and I'm not talking about like the co-parent's relationship, talking about like the relationship.
Speaker 3:So you, now there's a bunch of reminders like like your notification. Then, all of a sudden, once those things stop, what ends up happening is the conversation starts to change, and that's where you, as the next person, have to understand like, all right, once the conversation changed, what does that look like now? Does it look like you know, well, I'm not going to come get them? Well, you didn't want to come get them in the first place. You was only doing it because of me. So if I got to tell you to come see your kids, it's a problem. And that's where everything starts to change, because then you've got to now combat the argument. Now the argument may start, it may not, but if there's an argument, that person would now just be arguing. If it was me, you'd be arguing to yourself.
Speaker 2:So I will say that that is a boundary that I did set. That was one of the things where one of my biggest things is you want to come see your kids, cool? You don't want to come see your kids, cool, I'm not going to remind you, correct? Okay? So now it's become the once a month, right? Because I I used to force the every other weekend thing. My kids, well, I would say one of them said I don't want to go there anymore and I have to listen to my children, for sure I'm not going to force you to go somewhere and be somewhere where you don't feel comfortable.
Speaker 2:We had that conversation. They told me the reasons and I said, ok, do you want to have that conversation with your father or do you want me to? They wanted me to. I have to now, in that sense, be the advocate for my kid. So for my children, I need to say, hey, I'm gonna speak.
Speaker 2:And I had to preface it and I had to say, hey, let's talk. I'm gonna say something to you. I know that this is not gonna feel good, what you're gonna hear, but I have to tell you. And I said what it was and the response I got was first it was a, the questioning of the why, right? And then I said, and they were like okay, no pushback, no pushback.
Speaker 2:And I said, listen, I'm good, my kids are fun, I'm going to be with my kids. I'm with my kids all the time. So whether you want to come and get them or you don't want to come and get them, that's okay. I'm not going to force you, I'm not going to remind you. I got the notification from the person and they were like I think I'm going to come see them this weekend and I said cool, I'll probably be at work. You let them know, let so-and-so know. I don't no longer want to have this conversation. My kids are old enough. You're saying you're coming over to get them, you're going to go out and do something with them, because now you already see that there's a boundary where you can't come in the house, but that has to happen.
Speaker 2:Right and I did that, like it was almost like a back and forth, where I did not and I will say I did not want to say I don't want you in my house. Yeah, I didn't want to say it that way, but I did have to maneuver it in a way, because, dealing with a narcissist, you have to know how to speak to them. You know, and we got a lot, of, a lot of lessons there, a lot of education dealing with a narcissist, so you, you know how to, how to speak to them.
Speaker 2:now, Because, they'll flip it on you 100%.
Speaker 1:Oh, you don't want me to see my kids and then blame you for not seeing the kids.
Speaker 2:Listen, you don't want to come. You don't want to come, you don't want to, that's fine, that's okay.
Speaker 3:But building that boundary I didn't say it directly, okay, but I did say it in a way where you got to do your own thing but you gotta think, if you wanna be the FaceTime parent, the weekend parent, that's on you, and if that's all you can do at the moment and meaning like for work or whatever and you have to take care of whatever, cool but if you have the time to do what you gotta do, you have the time to do everything else and you made time to make them kids. So at the end of the day, you should be able to have time to be with your kid, regardless if you're with the mom or regardless if you're with the father, because that relationship that you have built with your child, that's the relationship that you should be nurturing. You shouldn't be worrying about what the other parent's doing, and I think that, because the feelings are in it, we forget that that's the biggest thing. People just be worrying about what the other person is doing and then it gets caught up with that. So I don't know.
Speaker 1:See, I'm the guilty one of saying, oh, are you going to come get the kids Reminding him of you know? Are you picking up your kids this weekend? Mm-hmm, and he wouldn't come. Just don't come. Don't show up is always an excuse.
Speaker 1:But in the past it was oh, you moved too far, Nobody told you to move so far. I'm sorry, I wanted a better life, you know I got things going, I'm busy, you know. So it's like what about me? Like I'm busy too, but I have my kids still got to be taken care of. I still got to be there for them every day. And then you're a parent twice a month, two days out the month, and this they haven't seen their father in over a month. This weekend it was a. I'm going to stop by Friday. Friday came nothing. Saturday nothing Today, oh, I'm going to pick up the kids next weekend. I said, okay, you got to hit them with the okay, no more reminders though next weekend I said okay, you got to hit them with the okay.
Speaker 1:No more reminders, don't yes?
Speaker 2:Yes, once you stop reminding that's when they're going to see. The kids are going to see the pattern.
Speaker 1:You already know the pattern right For sure.
Speaker 2:But the kids are going to start seeing the pattern because I'm now dealing with the sad part of it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because you didn't have to, because now the outside of the narcissistic parent, you don't have to talk to the child and you have to let them know these are. And the crazy part about this is because kids are super smart, so they're going to tell you first what they see and you're going to be like man, you're hitting the nail right on the head and then all of a sudden then you then have to then play clean up as mom or dad you know, on why certain things not happen, and that's kind of crazy, man. I think people use relationships to try to like the relationship with the child, to try to keep the mom or the dad locked in. They use the kids as a pawn and it sucks, and I guess non-assisted people do that.
Speaker 2:I'm just asking, I don't know. No, it's true.
Speaker 1:I mean, this is something that we've dealt with, deal with, yeah, and I do feel bad because at the end of the day, I do want them to have their father, you know, be a part of their everyday life. I want that phone call. In the past I have said why haven't you called me to check on the kids? But I learned that that language, the way it was delivered, was incorrect.
Speaker 2:So I'm working on that. I don't have those conversations anymore. I don't, I don't. They have phones.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They have phones. So I was hit with a message a few weeks back I'm not giving, I'm not giving Ami his allowance anymore. I was like why he doesn't even say thank you. And I'm like oh lord, yeah. And I was like okay, I was like when was the last time you spoke to him? And he was like oh, I talked to him.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, you do okay hmm, I mean, listen, I just think now the nowadays man, you know, I think not all, because I'm not typecasting man, I'm just saying we should try to do better. Whatever that is, however, whatever step that you got to take, just take the step and kind of stay consistent with that right. So whatever prompts you to become a better person to your kids, continue doing that, because once something changes and then you don't like it and then you stop right away, it can be shown as it was a facade, like it was fake, and then you can't. It's only so long you could be fake, so you could put it on for a while and then all of a sudden, the real you definitely gonna have to show up. So stop showing your representative fathers, the ones that are not doing a good job, please like, show the real you and your representative. You know he or she is giving you, you know, some chances to kind of really get a real dope relationship with the people that you help create, and those are the people that you should be.
Speaker 3:The most important relationship that you think, and stop worrying about what the other parent's doing or trying to see how you can figure out how to get back in with the other parent and then, because the time that you take to do that, you can be doing those things with the kid. Let's just say, hypothetically speaking, let's just say that parent is doing what they got to do for their kid, right speaking, let's just say that parent is doing what they got to do for their kid, right. Then the other parent sees that and sees that it's been let's say it's been over six months, going on to a year, and that parent may be like man, you know what. We might have to have a conversation because this what's happening is good and what you may want may happen, because you may end up getting back into a relationship.
Speaker 2:I've seen that happen, but I'm not saying, jax, I ain't saying that, yeah, that ain't happening here. I'm not saying that, but I'm just saying I've seen it happen.
Speaker 3:I'm talking from the other side now no, no, no, I understand Just so that people can see there's always two sides and yo, that may happen, but it's the consistency that builds. You got, if you don't build consistency, you ain't building anything. And then on top of that, and then want a different response when you hit the text message, because now it becomes like you're another person that they're trying to get over on. And you know, just do better, do better.
Speaker 1:Well which brings me to the next topic. It's why maternal grandparents tend to be closer to grandkids than paternal. So, for my instance, my kids don't have any relationship with the grandparents on that side. They don't look for my kids. No happy birthday. Maybe a text message delivered from him. Oh, they said happy birthday. No Christmas presents, nothing. And I know.
Speaker 3:Jackson is about to go on her rant. Wait, my mother, I love it, please go.
Speaker 1:My mother has been there for my kids since they were. When I was young, I had Harmony at 20. I was working 14 hours a day. She raised Harmony, all my other kids, my other two. I never had to pay daycare. She was the one who had them in and out while I was at work On the weekends. If I want to go out, my mom everything you know like those kids are her kids, yeah, and for them to not have a relationship and they're both alive. They both one of them lives in this. You know the same state. So it's not. You have a car. You can pick up your grandkids.
Speaker 1:Don't just say oh, when you want, bring me the kids. I don't want to bring you the kids. Do you want to see them? Do you want to be there? I'm not going to just drop my kids off. They haven't seen you in years and they're going to be sitting there doing what?
Speaker 2:I'm just thinking of a, so I, okay, there's two sides with me, right? So my kids really don't see their grandparents on either side.
Speaker 1:So my mom and my dad live in Florida, even when they were here, no, I feel like even when they were here.
Speaker 2:You know, mom, I love you.
Speaker 1:However.
Speaker 2:However, she's not the most patient and she can't. My mom is major OCD. My mom, like you know, everything has to be neat, everything has to be in its place. You know kids I don't think that she remembers being a child and I don't think that she understands that kids need to be kids in that sense. But so my kids don't take to her very well, except for Ami. You know, ami is the golden child. Ami is the one that goes to Florida. He'll spend the summer there. You know, ami is always with my who goes to Florida. He'll spend the summer there. You know, ami's always with my side of the family, right, um, but their father's side of the family they'll definitely. You know text on birthdays and holidays and stuff like that, um, not so much present, but they at least do that. Right? My oldest son's grandparents, or grandparents I don't think he even knows her name.
Speaker 1:Wow yeah.
Speaker 2:And I'm not saying his father's, like no, his father's a great dad and you know there's just a whole bunch of trauma in that side, right? So I don't think that. Yeah, that's a weirdo thing over there, but even with, like devin and amy, their real grandmother they've, I think devin will never remember her. I think she was maybe in their life until he was about maybe one one and a half Me and her.
Speaker 2:One day she wilded out on me. She was like fuck you, fuck this, fuck that. And I was like hey, I said remember you said that Remember. You said that you don't want nothing to do with my kids. No problem.
Speaker 1:Is she still around?
Speaker 2:I guess. I guess she's still walking this earth, but she ain't. But she don't know my kids and she knows them through pictures and stuff, but that's it. And then with the baby, you know his mom lives in, you know, in Connecticut. She'll come here and there but there's not a real relationship there. So my kids really don't have solid relationships on either side. So I have to be the extra. You know, I have to do the extra. Uh, I never had anybody like from my family, like my parents and stuff. Take care of my kids, have you know? I like you know um mj's in daycare my kids have always like early daycare.
Speaker 2:You know MJ's in daycare. My kids have always like early daycare. You know school, all of that. So they never had grandparents.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I kind of differ from both of you guys. I got a really good support system, like both. My mothers are like amazing my birth mother and my bonus mother. They are grandmothers On the kids' side. On their mother's side they have a really strong relationship with their grandfather and their grandmother there in Maryland. Actually, dave was on the phone with them yesterday. So you know and I, they have a really good solid relationship with them From their mother's mother. They talk to her every now and then and you know that relationship is cool. You know what I'm saying. But as far as my other, you know, with my parents and her dad and his wife, you know they have a really strong relationship.
Speaker 3:I don't tend to have to do too much. You know Mama Sean would drive from Maryland if I said I got to go to Zimbabwe and I say I need you, she's on the way, wow, and I'm saying my mother that she lives on Long Island too. And if I say the same thing, she's on the way. My mother came up from Jamaica from my grandmother to help with my daughter. So I've had the support system with each one of them and before any situation happened they were still active, they were super active in their lives because they're grandkids and for me it's their only grandkids.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's the only okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so my other siblings don't have kids. I'm the only one who got the full court.
Speaker 3:I got five kids, I got a whole basketball team and I have them, and so they essentially have been in their lives, right. But the thing is that what I've noticed is that today's grandparents, some of today's grandparents, don't instill the same values from back in the days. So, even though they're grandparents, they don't instill. And I'm not even talking about the 35-year-old grandmom, I'm talking about the 65-year-old grandmother, which is so? Wild, because those grandparents too want to live their life Nowadays yep, they're going on cruises and everything. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:They're too young. 35 is young. No, no, the 65-year-old grandpa, you ain't leaving me with these. No, no, the 65-year-old grandpa, yeah, the 65-year-old.
Speaker 2:You ain't leaving me with these kids. I got things to do.
Speaker 3:And the thing is, though, sometimes it's not about leaving you with the kids. Sometimes it's what you can be taught. So I know like with my sons when they go things when he was younger you know about and not more so like you need to do it like this when I was your age, I used to walk 20 miles. No, he knows.
Speaker 2:In the snow, In the snow right he knows that.
Speaker 3:you know it's. They're 12 and 16 in this time, so it's a different time. He's just telling them how things was back when he was in Jamaica, where he didn't have the luxuries that they have, the stuff they need to appreciate. So I think the best part about this with grandparents is that they have information that the kids need, and I don't think grandparents nowadays some I'm not typecasting everybody, but some grandparents they're not giving that information. So when traditions don't get passed down like cooking traditions, whatever time being around family functions all that stuff don't get passed down.
Speaker 2:You're not getting that from Jasmine. You're not getting that. You're getting that from her mother, but you're not getting that from her sister.
Speaker 3:No, but no, I'm just saying those things are not getting passed down and people wonder why like traditions are not being like. You know, things are not happening Right and I'm going to create a bunch of new traditions. I'm very big on that, you know. Trying to, you know, create these everlasting memories, whatever it may be, and my parents are becoming that now. You know, my mother does a dinner once a month, every month at the end, with the last Sunday of the month or whatever. That everybody comes to the house and just eat. I love that.
Speaker 3:And have a conversation and just sit down and just joke about just times. Yeah, those things really matter. Even though they think the kids are not listening, they are Because I know my kids. When we left, my mother said something when I was younger, what I used to do, and he said Dad, you used to do that. I'm like yo listen, don't listen to her, no, listen to her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, don't listen to her.
Speaker 3:I used to. But at the end of the day, I think those things should know and the fact that fathers or mothers are not pushing you know like hey, you need to see the grandkids or you know they, like the other parents, should be the one like yo, what's up Like these?
Speaker 2:are your. You should see them, like you know, and I think that it's.
Speaker 3:It goes to show you how the other parent could they govern the same way they govern in real time, the way their parents govern.
Speaker 1:Get it, it's the same concept.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's essentially. You know. You pick and choose when you want to see him and your grandparents pick and choose when they want to see him. It's the same thing, it don't change.
Speaker 1:My family's super close, you know. So, like, if Romeo has a game, my sisters will come and my nephew will come. Last time he took an Uber at 7.30 in the morning to get to my house to make sure he got to Romeo's Game on. I love that. Wow, you know like, so I'm blessed for that that's fire.
Speaker 2:No, that's one thing like. Jasmine's family is super, super close.
Speaker 3:No, that's fire though.
Speaker 2:Super close, like those are things that like I'm very close to my siblings, right, very, very close to my siblings. I would say me. And yeah, I feel like me. Me and two of my sisters have the youngest kids so they kind of like they're not into the same things but they, they still like games and stuff like Devin and Ami are in baseball, so they're both like they're probably. You know my sister Jessica, she'll come to games and stuff.
Speaker 2:Jessica will come to games and stuff jessica, um, my other sister, she's here now from florida, so she's staying here, so she'll probably, you know, pop up too. So it's just a thing where my family like we've all been spread out, like a lot of my family was in is in florida. My parents are in florida, my father's in a nursing home, so they're not going to be able to be there. It's crazy, though, that we're on this subject, and this just hit me with the paternal and maternal grandparents, I'm actually closer to my father's side of the family than I am to my mother's.
Speaker 1:Wow Same 100%.
Speaker 2:I am way closer to my father's side of the family. Yeah, so am I. I feel like my mother's same. 100% I am way closer to my father's side of the family.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so am I.
Speaker 2:I feel like my mother's side of the family, you know, a funeral could happen. I'm not showing up.
Speaker 1:No, I'm definitely not showing up.
Speaker 2:I only have maybe like two cousins from my mom's side of the family that I communicate with all my other ones are from my father's side, except for, like my, I have a cousin from my mom's brother that she's very close with us as well, but other than that, I'm sure there's a Patreon there somewhere. Yeah, I mean.
Speaker 3:So from my real mother's side I have a plethora of family members. I'm really not close with none of them right.
Speaker 3:Like. I've seen pictures of me, I've seen pictures of me with them. I've, you know, so, a part of. So we're in Jamaica, this place called Port Royal, where my mother's from like in that area and almost half the island on that side is like I got cousins and family and this and that, and I don't know a lot of them. You know, like my grandmother, my mother's mother, I think she's like 95. Ooh, god bless, yeah, she's like you know. So you know, but I don't know them. But my father's side, I'm super close with my grandmother, my father's mother I was. They said I was like the, you know, the favorite right.
Speaker 1:That's me. I was the favorite right. I was the favorite.
Speaker 3:But I guess you know, and for my father's, like siblings, I was, like almost some of them, their first child Because I used to live with some of them, so I used to. So my aunt used to go to work like there was the first Golden Crust that would ever open. She helped open it. I used to be with her, like going to these places. You know my uncle, you know playing soccer. I used to be on the field in the Bronx in the advantage just watching them and just be there all day.
Speaker 3:So I know you I'm, but I'm super close with them, opposed to being with you know my mother's side, um, and you know, and I'll hear things, I'll see people, I'm like man and we look alike and that's probably about it. Like, that's like a relatability outside of like blood. Um, I definitely want to do better. See if I, if me personally, can kind of like get that because they do. It's not like they they're bad people or whatever they want to get to know me.
Speaker 3:It's just that, you know, when you're so used to being with somebody else and my other mother I'm super close with her side. Wow, right, yeah, so it's kind of crazy. So, her side, I know everybody, I can go anywhere, do whatever, and I think I'll be guilty sometimes because I'm like man, I'm super close with you guys, but my blood family I'm really not close with. Is that a comfortability aspect? And I think for me, I think that's what it is. It's like I'm comfortable here, but I think I need to be uncomfortable and kind of get to know the other side of my family as well.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's also a two-way street though.
Speaker 3:Yes, you're right, know you guys kind of me. Meet me halfway no meet me halfway maybe not even thinking about me. I was like, but you know, but then when you see pictures of old times and stuff like that, I'm like man, man, I used to be around y'all a lot.
Speaker 2:I have a question what are some traditions that you want to, that you've learned from your grandparents and maybe your parents and that you want to pass on to your children, or some things that you guys do that you want to pass on to your children?
Speaker 3:Um, that's a good. Jax is good. I'm trying to so a tradition that I would like to pass on to my kids from my family.
Speaker 2:Well, even yourself.
Speaker 3:I mean, I want to keep this like family reunion that we do, right. So on the other side of the family we do this thing on Memorial Day. Okay, Right, and Memorial Day typically, you know, everybody either goes to Miami.
Speaker 2:What part Miami is not.
Speaker 3:South Beach he's just being smart. First of all, I used to live in Miami. I know Not South Beach, particularly South Beach, biscayne.
Speaker 1:What a portal is that Wow?
Speaker 3:No, but what happens is and we tend to come together and just be a family Like nobody's there trying to one-up nobody, like you know yo, I got the new this Everybody's there yeah everybody's there just to be there, and I think I want to continue Like that's something real small and that's from the other side of the family, because I'm very close with them and so I want my kids to understand that that's the way family is supposed to be, like it shouldn't be. You should come there and just want to be yourself, and then on the other side, my mom does this thing you're supposed to be, like it shouldn't be. You should come there and just want to be, just be yourself, and then on the other side, my mom does this thing. The first of the year she throws this big like Jamaican brunch dinner and everybody know what I'm saying Like dinner's supposed to start at three and it start at 9.30.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying? You at 9.30. You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? That's Puerto Rican.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Like you know, and it's all, it's every kind of delicacy that you can think of like breakfast-wise, that Jamaicans eat. We have it, and then it goes into like the food, like dinner, and she has been doing this since I was probably about I want to say 19. She hasn't missed a beat.
Speaker 1:Wow, on New Year's Day. On New Year's Day, that's so cool.
Speaker 3:Everybody drives to her house and we you know, and just have a really good time. She stresses herself out about it, but she loves it and I think you know those type of traditions, like those family traditions. Good, but from an I'm still trying to work on this like the intimate the, but I'm still trying to work on this intimate medium, the tradition, because I don't think we have.
Speaker 3:Honestly, it's probably my fault, but I haven't created any yet. I think that's a tradition, but I think I want to start this year, start some type of tradition I think that you need to think about something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good idea. What about you? What about? I think that you need to think about something.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's a good idea. What about?
Speaker 1:you Well with me, you know, during the holidays my father used to bust out with a bag full of cassette tapes and play all the música navideña. So it's Puerto Rican music, like jibaro music, very old school style music.
Speaker 1:I'm from the Bronx, I know exactly what you're talking about and ever since I was a kid he'll play that during the holidays and since he's passed, I've just I don't have the cassettes, but I have them. I put it on YouTube and that's something that I've been doing. And my sister, she's the chef, so she actually, when my father passed away, she found some index cards with recipes on them. Oh wow, that he used to write from this Puerto Rican chef he used to watch on TV. So she found the recipes and she, you know, she started making the things that he made his way.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:So that's you know, that's great. And we're going to continue that She'll cook, I'll put the music on and I'll be drinking the coquito, because me and my father, we used to bust down that coquito.
Speaker 3:Amazing.
Speaker 1:Oh, just wait till you taste that coquito.
Speaker 2:You know, what I'm saying and we're going to be making new traditions 100%. I think that you guys should. I think that you guys will figure it out One. One of the traditions that I definitely will always keep with my kids is an intimate tradition of sitting down at the table and eating together.
Speaker 1:I love that. Just put a Christmas tree up this year.
Speaker 2:God, whatever Anyway.
Speaker 3:No phones.
Speaker 2:No phones. Nice, there's no phones allowed at the table. Somebody's on their phone. I scold them.
Speaker 3:I don't care who you are. I love that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like put it away. You know the rules, no, but really it's no phones at the table. Listen, I don't care if you don't want to talk to me. You're going to sit here and you're going to eat this meal with me and we pray before eating. So definitely want to keep that, you know, and pass is huge. Thanksgiving is huge. I literally will not even make Thanksgiving dinner if my son is not home.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, you did it in January, I will do it whenever he gets home.
Speaker 2:So the first year he was in the Army I did it in December when he came home oh listen, man, that's good.
Speaker 1:And I was like nope.
Speaker 2:Literally, I didn't even want to go to Jasmine's house. Yeah, I was like just come to my house, I was like, nope, I literally will not. Thanksgiving is my son's favorite holiday and he makes me make everything. I have notes on my phone that I share with him and we'll put recipes in there, things that he wants me to make. Or he'll say, no, I'm going to make the mac and cheese. And I'm like, yeah, you're not, I I'm gonna make the mac and cheese.
Speaker 1:And I'm like yeah, you know I'm gonna make it. I still make it better. That's me. And Harmony now too. Yeah, she be like. I wanna make the mac and cheese. I'm like, but you know I ain't making, so we'll do one of each. Yeah, hers has more cheese.
Speaker 3:Yeah, mine has like shout out to the more cheese.
Speaker 2:I try to make it I try to make it really creamy and, like I want to say, when he came in January I made one with a cream cheese. I put it in the cheese sauce. It was bomb.
Speaker 1:I make sure I take my lactose pill that day Because you know, the older you get, you be coming down with all this stuff.
Speaker 2:So definitely you know, thanksgiving eating at the table, pray before you eat. Those are things that I'm definitely eating. I like that. That's dope I like that.
Speaker 1:I don't eat at the table, honestly, because I don't eat with the kids like they'll eat when they come home from school, and then when I get home from work, my mom has my plate served and you don't eat at the table. I eat at the table by myself.
Speaker 2:No, I eat at the time I'm like don't eat on the sofa If I see crumbs on the sofa you know, yeah, we're definitely fighting.
Speaker 3:I get that.
Speaker 2:And I'm like I will hold that down.
Speaker 3:That's like her mom is like mine, like I don't. When I go to her house, my food is already like it's like I don't know if it's like a, it's like two. My food is already.
Speaker 1:Caribbean things. She's like Junior.
Speaker 3:I'm going to dish out your food and I look and there's their food.
Speaker 1:I'm like, thanks, mom you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:I love that so it's just like a thing you know when we go, and especially you know when we go to our house, like it's just, it's a nostalgic moment for me, because then my kids come there and I'm like I remember when I was your, your age, sitting there talking to my mother. Now they're talking. The other day I was just sitting. I'm like yo, this is crazy. How life is that they're able, like you start to see, you know yourself, but then you start to see what they're doing and they're doing the same, asking the same questions. I'm like man, this is crazy that's so nice though.
Speaker 2:This is interesting.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's nice to see it from a from the outside lens yeah, yeah, I love that man and I just want to definitely create some new traditions, man, I think the traditions aspect is very good. I think kids also look towards that and they don't understand. I look towards it too because I want to have some fun. Yeah, I'm probably the biggest 16-year-old, you know, like I want to have all the fun. See, I said 16, not 12. If it's only 16, you can still do some stuff You'll be up out of here.
Speaker 2:You're right. You're right. I only call people 12 years old when I want to diss them. See, exactly so.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying I want to, and most of the things that nowadays, because we're the punk-ass parents, we be just doing all the things that they want, Can we?
Speaker 2:go to.
Speaker 3:Legoland. Well, how about this? I want to go to Legoland too.
Speaker 1:You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:I'm going to have more fun than you.
Speaker 1:So we definitely are the cooler generation of parents, 100%.
Speaker 2:Just like millennial parenting, Exactly right, but we're millennials.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:We're the cooler parents Because when my parents were my age.
Speaker 1:I was maybe. No, actually my mom had me at turning 37 and my dad was 38. So they were a little older. Maybe I was like two. So growing up my parents were older compared to my friends. You know, the parents were younger. I was the youngest, so I was spoiled. You were spoiled and I remember the fun things that we used to do was just go like like on the weekends, on Sundays, to like Flushing Meadow Park to all the beaches out in Long Island, yeah, but as far as during the week, like my parents, they didn't pay me attention. My mom was watching her novelas.
Speaker 2:I would come home from school, be outside with my friends and, like you know it, was never like, oh how was your day and all of that.
Speaker 1:It was just like you know come and eat and then that's it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean I had that. I mean my parents were definitely hyper focused because I was like real mischievous.
Speaker 1:You're the oldest from your father, right? Yeah, so I'm real mischievous.
Speaker 3:I was a real mischievous. I was, you know, crazy. Yeah, he was out here Nah but more so because I, you know, I wanted to find my way and I was trying to be rebellious. So I was trying to be Mr Charismatic, you know, trying to get out of things in school and do all these, mr Suave, nah, and you develop the gift of gab right.
Speaker 2:Well, that's why you're a successful businessman. So you develop the gift to gab right? Well, that's why you're a successful businessman.
Speaker 3:So you develop the gift to gab, you know, and you're able to kind of, but my mother didn't. I couldn't gift or gab her, she just didn't buy it because she knew me, you know, and it was very difficult for me as a kid trying to figure it out Like you know, how don't she? But she knows, man, she was sharp, she was. You know, figure it out like yo, how don't she? But she knows, man, she was sharp, she was. You know, it was never. And I was the one that was always out. And my middle brother, dwayne, he was all in the house watching, you know, playing video games, reading Harry Potter books, and you know, we were like two polar opposites and I just really wanted to have that, you know, that freedom. But my parents were super strict so I used to have to do a bunch of things. See, like how you say your parents were older, my parents, were like Very lax with me.
Speaker 1:If I didn't want to go to school, my mom would be like okay, stay home. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Not my mom, my kids be like I don't want to go to school. I'm like you have to go pick him up. Yeah, of course it's not me, it's not katie, of course not katie's an angel.
Speaker 1:She can do no wrong um, but no, I feel like devin like so every year he stays home for opening day for the yankees right, which is friday.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, he actually wait, was it friday? Yeah, yeah, friday um friday remember.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was there when a buddy of mine was there.
Speaker 2:So yeah, did he stay? Yep, he stayed home. That was yeah, because it was their home game.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it was an early game too, yep, so he had to stay home.
Speaker 2:He had to watch it. He does it every year and I'm like, yeah, cool, the Amis, you know he's great, great student, so I forgot when it was. Oh, he got the Spiderman game for his birthday. I remember yeah and he was like. He was like mom, can I stay home tomorrow? And I'm like, alright, why you don't want to go to school. He gave me some bullshit. I knew it wasn't that. He was literally all night and all day playing this game.
Speaker 1:He beat it listen, romeo doesn't want to go to school tomorrow because of the eclipse come on listen. He's like but everything's gonna turn black. I'm like it's okay, I'm gonna be at work the same. It's only gonna be a few minutes.
Speaker 3:It's really bad my kids don't really want to stay home. They are, yeah, so Solomon he's a social butterfly that's. He's a social butterfly.
Speaker 1:That's good, right? Oh, because you're not.
Speaker 3:I guess I'm a social butterfly. He's a social butterfly, so he wants to go to school and be with his friends. Isaiah, he just wants to go to school just because he wants to see what task he can conquer. When it comes to school tasks. He's very interesting, I love it. And Elijah, she just started going to school, so as soon as the bus comes, she's out. She's running to the bus. I got to stop her. Hey, all up, she's like, she's going, she's like.
Speaker 2:I got to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's pretty much.
Speaker 3:So I mean, you know it depends on and you know it also depends if what's going on. So, like you say birthdays, you know that's when, yeah, I get the. You know, dad, you know my throat hurts and you know I'm like oh, your birthday's tomorrow, I get it, you know but, you know, they usually don't tend to want to not go to school, but sometimes I'm like you know, you feel I'll be like yo you good, you want to go to school.
Speaker 3:You know, I'm like wait a minute, I'm like wait. When would I get the question do I want to go to school?
Speaker 1:I said I'd love that, Because before we didn't want to go to school we just didn't go, well, yeah. Like a whole week. We missed school, like all of us.
Speaker 2:We just didn't go to school. You know how we got caught. No, so my parents were not the parents that went up to open school night. Yeah, mine, neither my parents went. They made their own open school and they went in and none of us were at school. Wow, we were cutting All of us, All of us, Right? So we I remember it was I'm not going to say her name, but she was coming off the block and she was like ooh, and we were like what? And she was like Jackie, your parents were in school today.
Speaker 1:And I was like, stop lying.
Speaker 2:And she was like they were. And Stephanie, they called your parents how far, listen me and her. I felt the wrath Of God that day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's me but it was so easy For us to do it, because they would send the postcards A month later, and then I would do them out.
Speaker 2:I would get home Before my parents Got home from work. You know, remember answering machines.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I would just Delete.
Speaker 2:You know there was no delete From the deleted.
Speaker 1:Now you got they miss a class or they're late and you're getting. No, I get a text message.
Speaker 2:I get an email, I get a phone call. They'll call me twice back to back. Make sure that I got that phone call yeah, I remember I cut a class.
Speaker 3:You know National Cut Day, right they had National Cut. Day.
Speaker 1:That was everything I know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I wasn't like that. I might have been like that a little bit. But National Cut Day, you know, the school had said something like yo, we catch you cutting, it's a wrap, this, that. So somebody had told them that there was a party going on. Right, they snitched, and so we all go to this party. That's because they were not invited, it was on the wall like this yeah, we know, it was a bash man. We was down there doing our fizzle, you know what I'm saying, so I leave Now.
Speaker 2:I got that song on my head, yeah.
Speaker 3:So we leave and you go and there's like a cheese bus, two cheese buses parked on the side and then they had the cops waiting. So we had left just in time me and like four guys and all we saw was the bus pull up in front of the house and we was already like in there because there was like pathways. We was already in, like the bushes walking through the pathway. So when we get to the school we got, we got caught by the dean. She called my mom.
Speaker 3:The dean loved me well, she went back to school hey, miss green, right, and she was, like donovan's, such a nice boy I don't want to suspend him. Oh yeah, so I had to figure out. So, snitching I definitely so. But the thing is, is that, because you, you didn't get in trouble with everybody else?
Speaker 2:everybody thought that you told they thought that you was the snitch. Oh, that's a setup. Yeah, it's definitely a setup.
Speaker 3:No, that's crazy. So what I did was I made. I did something the next day so I could get like ISS, so that they're like see, I ain't snitch. Wow, but this is where I'm at too, but I ain't out. School suspension. They brought a bus though that day, full of kids for cutting man. Back then they used to have these people rounding out, rounding up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your mama, we used to run from them. Yeah, rounding up the buses, you know how many times I got caught. On Broadway Junction Truancy cops.
Speaker 2:True, you know how Yo they told my parents? My father was like I'm not getting arrested for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's how truant I was.
Speaker 1:It was bad. I don't know why I was scared when we got caught Cutting squat At McKinley.
Speaker 2:Oh, yes, remember McKinley, the house of McKinley.
Speaker 1:I remember the house of McKinley, so the parents came home and we were like we gotta go and they're like, oh, we gotta jump out the window and I'm like it was a second floor so I'm like I can do it.
Speaker 1:Everybody's doing it, bro, I could have just took the door. My mom wasn't gonna be mad at me. What the what the mom was gonna do to me. I jump out the window, land on my feet, fell on my ass and broke my tailbone. Yep, you remember I had to tell my mom. I was like mom, I slipped on something in the street. And she was like Dito, my baby, you okay. Meanwhile I'm like we was doing some terrible, terrible shit.
Speaker 2:My whole tailbone was broken. I was in so much pain.
Speaker 3:Did you have to sit on a donut?
Speaker 2:No, we didn't. Did you have to sit?
Speaker 3:on a donut.
Speaker 1:No, I had a bunch of pillows but I couldn't even like sit on the toilet. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I broke my tailbone before, but that was because I was giving birth. You broke your tailbone giving birth.
Speaker 3:Yep Wow.
Speaker 2:And you know there's nothing. There's nothing that they do for you, jesus. Which kid was this with? It was Ami Yikes.
Speaker 1:Damn, he wasn't even that big.
Speaker 2:No, he wasn't, he wasn't, but he took forever. Took him out. Well, romeo broke my Yikes. Oh, ruben did that. That's all right, they sold me out Yikes, good as new.
Speaker 1:I was like you broke me. Oh, my gosh, katie, today she's like Mommy, where the babies come from. Oh, I was like from you know, from your stomach or your, your hoo-ha. And she was just like I know she wanted more like context. I was like, but you came from my belly.
Speaker 2:Oh, you came from my belly. Yeah, I remember Ruben, when he was younger. He said you know what, I know where they come from. He was like you know, you press your belly button and they come out your butt. And I was like sort of feels like that conversation was interesting.
Speaker 3:Oh god, boys like you know dad, you know where, where, where I I asked like where do you think?
Speaker 1:have you had the talk?
Speaker 2:yet. Oh yeah, I've had the talk, it's interesting, I haven't I've, I had, I've. Uh, devin is always like I don't want to talk about this.
Speaker 3:I don't want to talk about this. I had a conversation. It's definitely uncomfortable. I tried and he because they're finding the opposite sex attractive right of course and you know, and I have boys, I have girls too, but boys that are some very fairly handsome guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they're in their teens, so well you know.
Speaker 3:And one of them is very outgoing and the other one is very moderate, but he's like 6'3 tall and you know what I mean it don't matter if he don't like them, they like him so that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:So he took so one day. So one day he came to me. He was like dad, can I ask you a question? He was like 15, 14, 15. He's like dad, why do I like big butts? I was like sorry, son, I like them too, but I got to tell you.
Speaker 3:So I explained to him, though. I explained to him though you know that's where we led that they're not. You know, women are not objects. And I think that's where, when we started talking about like them women not being objects is when the understanding started to come, because he was obviously talking from a 15-year-old Brenton. Like you know, he's saying what he likes. So we started talking about what he liked, you know, and then he's like, and then you could kind of see it click, like I said yeah, because you can't objectify women. Like you know, they're not an object, you know it's not something that people you own, things you own, so you would like somebody to own you. And he was like no, I said exactly. So this is what this is. You know they're your partner, you know he's like. So, um, may I ask you a question? I was like it's like great, he's like. He said what is sex. I'm like I said what do you think? So I put it back on him like what do you think sex is?
Speaker 2:what do you know about it? I said what do you know about it because you gotta see where their mind is at.
Speaker 3:Yeah he's like well, it's when a man and a woman loves each other. And I said and then what happens? He said well, you know, like he knew what he? Wanted to say, but he was kind of like you know, he kind of gave me the you know I was like no, I don't know, enlighten me.
Speaker 3:And he was like well, dad, you know, like you know the hot dog and the bun. I was like yo, I was like the hot dog and the bun. I was like I said okay, I was like all right, I said so let's stay there. I said, I said I said what other actions has to happen so your hot dog goes into a bun?
Speaker 2:Right, yes me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, Right, and he goes marriage. I'm like I said, let's stay there.
Speaker 3:I said let's stay there A plus. And I said let's not even talk about the hot dog and the bun, first, let's talk about how do you self-master you? And that's when I started talking. I said because if you can't do certain things, you're not even mentally capable of having what happens after that. And so that conversation was very interesting, it was funny, but it was also a learning curve for him because he was like yo dad, his friends are talking, His friends are oh yeah, His friends, they always say little Well how about this?
Speaker 3:How about this? On the bus, somebody was giving somebody fellatio Not to him, but then the person caught it and he was like you know, he's like naive, he's a high school kid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so he's naive, but he was doing it in front of people. I wasn't doing that at all, okay.
Speaker 3:But listen, he was like I have to recount my steps.
Speaker 2:Oh, my gosh. No, I wasn't. I wasn't. So he was no.
Speaker 3:But meaning like he was asking questions because they got caught and he was like dad.
Speaker 2:They got caught by adults.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so they were in the. I guess they're in the back of the bus, damn.
Speaker 2:You're so mean.
Speaker 1:And yeah, so, and then, you know, he was like dad what does that?
Speaker 3:do, and it was he's like, I'm like man, I didn't know if I was ready.
Speaker 1:I know your face was red. I didn't know if I was ready for all these questions.
Speaker 3:I'm like what's the purpose of it? I'm like all right.
Speaker 1:Did you say it was for pleasure? Yeah, I did say it was a pleasure. Yeah, you have to be honest, I kept a buck with him.
Speaker 2:But I also said to him, like I said what I said washing your ass For real, first and foremost hygiene.
Speaker 3:I said how about washing your clothes? How about separating your clothes to washing the clothes? How about taking a garbage out without me telling you how about?
Speaker 1:putting on some deodorant?
Speaker 3:How about that? How about once? You guys, if you guys see something on the floor, don't just walk over it 40 times. How about you just pick it up? And it ain't mine, it was y'all's. You guys dropped it, I said so. There's a lot of those home self-mastery skills. Let's figure that out first before we start figuring out. You know, hot dogs in a bun.
Speaker 2:Okay, and then that going into your boca, because why yeah?
Speaker 3:So now, you know, and so that's why now with him, the conversation was that and in my rule at the time in my house was no girlfriends, Okay. So when I said that, people look at me like what are you?
Speaker 2:They're not girls, it doesn't matter, and I I said that people look at me like what are you? What are?
Speaker 3:you they're not girls, it doesn't matter. And I said, bro, no, I said I just don't want them to have to deal with other people's. You know feelings as such a young, especially nowadays. It's kind of and we had that conversation like I went egregious with them having to deal with somebody else's feelings and then that person goes I hate my dad, let's go kill him. Then my son goes.
Speaker 1:Those are real shit, especially on Long Island, yeah, and then my son goes.
Speaker 3:That's a good idea.
Speaker 2:No, it's not, no, how about? That's a bad idea.
Speaker 3:And that's why I was very big on that. Then I had a conversation with Jazz and Jazz goes, hey, you know, he got a girlfriend right, and I'm like, yeah, I do. But so then I had to adjust and had a conversation about him having that type of interaction Because I definitely want them to understand that women are not objects, and that's the biggest thing for me, especially because some of the music they, you know I do my best not for them not to listen to what they do, because they got their friends and this, you know, the objectifying of a woman, of what women are, you know, and everything leads up to that. Nothing against sexy red, but that culture is becoming something different. So showing boys that, okay, all I got to do is find a girl who likes bouncing her booty and this I'm going to do that. That's fine, that's easy. But age appropriate aspects, right. So you know, if your kids are listening to that, that's because you're allowing that. You should be able to. There should be some type of sensory, right, and I know that their friends are probably all listening to it, but I'm trying to give them the context that that's not all that's out there, so there's not just those type of women out there.
Speaker 3:There's many different types of women, so my goal is to give them the blueprint that they can follow, not what I can follow. I can just give them some. I can give them a guide. Here's a guide how I've governed and, yes, when I was young, I did stupid things too. I only went off of what I saw, as opposed to what's inside a person, and I expect that you're a young guy, you're going to think like that too. But these are the mistakes that I've made. Hopefully that you don't have to make them. And I have to give that dialogue but it's super hard, especially nowadays have to give that, that dialogue, but it's super hard, especially nowadays. And with these interesting things you know, these create, you know all he has to do is go hey, siri, tell me what this looks like and siri will show him what it looks like.
Speaker 3:So it's very interesting to even have that conversation with katie or with. It's just crazy that's's.
Speaker 2:I have old boys so I know that. You know, conversation will probably get a little. I don't want to say easier, but it'll. Maybe on my mental it'll be easier, like the way I speak to my oldest son. No, we talking about this.
Speaker 3:We are talking about first of all, he's 20. The first I spoke to was my mother.
Speaker 2:Right. That's the person I spoke to about you know, and that's the thing where you know Harmony too, yes, and it was maybe easier for you with Harmony because you know it's girl talking to girl right With me. He didn't really want to have that conversation with me, so I had to tell his father.
Speaker 2:And I was like you know hey, I think it's about time that you know you have that conversation with him. You know these are the things that I want you to touch on. You know you do it your way For sure, but I just want to know that the conversation is happening, because you know he was like girl crazy and all these things.
Speaker 1:And I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, so so, so this is, this is what I heard.
Speaker 3:So you know, like in the military, it is like freak off. That's what I heard, that's what I heard.
Speaker 2:That's what I heard, you know no, diddy, no, oh, please don't have that. However, I heard.
Speaker 3:It's crazy, you know well.
Speaker 2:It's like I am a fortunate mom. Okay that my son is in Alaska and.
Speaker 3:There's Alaska women.
Speaker 2:I know there's, you know, women in Alaska.
Speaker 1:Yeah, eskimo sex, but there's not. Oh, jesus Christ, that's hilarious.
Speaker 2:You know, I had conversations with my son. My son is very self-aware. Good, my son, you know, does not give himself away freely, because he knows that that is an energy exchange and he does not want anybody's bad energy. I will not say that my son has not done things, because I've heard conversations.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, we heard about that we heard about.
Speaker 2:McDonald's. You know what I mean? Listen mandonald's, listen man, listen, he's a young kid. There's exactly he was you know, definitely, but my son sees red flags got you and he doesn't you know. Push them away as a pink flag or a yellow flag. This is a red flag. I don't like this, I won't deal with this, and so I'm cutting you off.
Speaker 3:That's good.
Speaker 2:And one of the things that I told him going into the military, you are young, you are beautiful, you will be making money, you are going to have a career ahead of you and women see that.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 2:And they want to be taken care of yes, or and they.
Speaker 3:And if he sees those, those signs, he should understand that you know.
Speaker 2:Let me step back and go about your business and he and he has, um, I've definitely, you know. I'll ask hey, are you seeing anybody or whatever? And he'll tell me. He'll tell me. You know he doesn't like to tell me everything and that's okay that's okay listen, he's 20. You know he doesn't want to tell me because I always got something to say.
Speaker 3:I always got something to say because you also are mom. That's what you got something to say at the end of the day I am mom, I'm not his friend you know.
Speaker 2:Want to be friends with my kids. Yes, yes. But I am mom, you're mom, you know, and I have to set boundaries too, like woo la, la, la, la, la, la.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, listen, man, yo when so when my oldest daughter, you know, I kind of gave y'all a, I was stuck for a minute because I was like no, not, you Not my baby. Yeah, but you know what, though? You know you have to. It's what's somewhat in the norm today, right, they had this thing going around that they're like our counterparts were graduating college and they were graduating engaged. Did y'all see that?
Speaker 3:Like a lot of white girls that were graduating. They were graduating, but they were graduating engaged and people were saying what that's the thing is is that the conversations is different, like from that side and our side is kind of different, and I think what it is is it's pushed on the aspect of stability and I think it was. You know, and I'm not saying that we don't push stability, but I guess I, in certain aspect of those individuals, how they were brought up, they saw, like you know, parents been together for 30 years this one is that and they was like, oh well, we got together when we're in college yeah, so I could see the difference because I feel like that's something where we push independence yeah definitely we do Like, you know, like, like you don't need a man, you can do it on your own Right, you don't need a man, you can do it on your own, don't you know?
Speaker 2:don't be impressed by you.
Speaker 1:Know, this girl's bum ass you know, it's true, though the bum ass fredichini alfredo, I like fredichini alfredo.
Speaker 2:I make my alfredo sauce from scratch. However I make lots of other things too.
Speaker 3:That is not the only thing I know how to make, so you think that. So both of you guys have been pushed in the aspect of being independent.
Speaker 2:Yes, I believe that my not that I've been pushed in that direction. I just seen the things that my mom has gone through gotcha and you know my, my parents have been married for over 45 years. Right, but there's a there's a difference between marriage then and marriage now.
Speaker 3:Gotcha.
Speaker 2:Where marriage then was? We take it right. I recently realized that I don't ever want to be somebody's ride or die, and I say that knowing that the definition of a ride or die is you deal with everything.
Speaker 3:Gotcha.
Speaker 2:And I don't want to deal with everything, because I don't have the capacity to deal with everything or your bullshit, you being out there being a man and I have to take that. I don't want to take that, I don't have to take that. So I feel like my independence and the way that I see independence is based on my mom being a ride or die to a man that you, you know, love my dad, but he didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve her loyalty.
Speaker 2:he didn't deserve a lot of the things that she is and the things that she's dealt with you know my mom went through a lot of things or is going through a lot of healing now got you you know.
Speaker 2:So I never wanted to be that. So the independence, where I don't want to depend on a man to love me and I don't want to depend on a man to give me anything. So that's where my independence came in. And then me wanting my sons to be independent in the way where you know you need to be hard working. You, you know, and not do what you want. You know, if this is your passion, how could you make that into a career or whatever? You know. I'm not telling you if you want to be a musician, be the musician. You want to be an artist, be the artist, be the best you know toilet bowl cleaner that you can be got you, you know but be independent, so you don't have to depend on anybody.
Speaker 2:That way, when you find love, you know that it's love so do you think that is it missing now?
Speaker 3:is that? Do you think most that's what's mostly pushed nowadays is independent women being super independent and I'm not saying that there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, independent women are great but do you think that it also pushes away finding a man? Or let me, because I don't want finding a person that you can kind of build something with?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's because that's I don't have that. I didn't have that. So I would always like well, harmony. It's like make sure you know you don't depend on anybody. Stay in school, you know, don't.
Speaker 1:When she got out of the high school she wanted to join the army and then her father talked out of it. You know I was upset about it. She got a job, started making money and I always told her don't get comfortable making that, you know, a little bit of money, because you know that's not going to get you anywhere. I gave her a year. I said you have a year, figure it out what you want to do, whether you want to, you know, go back to school or you can go to the military still. So she decided to go back to school. But I've always told her, you know that she has to be independent. She has to. You know she has to have her own. Because I've I grew up like that, like well.
Speaker 1:After I left my marriage at 2023, even when I was in my second relationship, I was independent. I had a partner there, but not really a partner, was like another child. So I had to work my way up, make money. You know, make sure I had enough to hold the household down to pay for the cars, to pay for all the kids. You know extracurricular activities. That's changed now. You know it will change. But I think if we have that positive, like surrounding atmosphere around us where we're in a relationship like that, it would be easier to teach the kids that. But if you're a single mother, that's all you know, so that's all you're going to teach them.
Speaker 2:And sometimes you're in a relationship and you're single.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean so I don't know how to kind of, because I have never been on either side. I did my best to be as best as I could as a husband, so I but you weren't taught independence in the way where you saw a healthy marriage, healthy household. So in my household at the time was arguments right, so it was arguments, so I come from that school of seeing that aspect right, so I knew what I didn't want.
Speaker 1:But they always stay together. Yeah, they stay together.
Speaker 3:Despite that, they stay together. But even though it was not healthy and it actually it was a lot of questions, because certain things happened that was told to me that would never happen and it did. And I had to kind of like compartmentalize it as a youth to kind of be like, well, that's not the way to handle it. And I had to kind of like compartmentalize it as a youth to kind of be like, well, that's not the way to handle it. And so I said, all right, I don't want to be like that, right, Let me figure out how to be the opposite. And I made some mistakes, but, understanding that, I knew that I had to be, Even if she's independent, I had to, kind of I had to also still be the man of the house, right? So I mean, if you want to go from a religious standpoint, what it says God, you know, man, woman, child, right so? Or children, right so. In my mind I was like yo, let me be, you know, the person that the Most High ordained me to be, Let her do her thing, but still make sure that I'm taken care of what needs to be taken care of. And then from there, then we operate Like I think Fantasia said it like my man's the head, but she's the neck. He can't go nowhere if she don't turn right. So I think I was operating like that.
Speaker 3:So I didn't, I couldn't, I don't understand being in a household with somebody and not taking care of my business because I, that's not who I was, and I don't understand. Like not trying to be the person, to kind of be like yo, I got this with you, Don't worry. Right, I did my best to be the guy that I we going to do this together, do this together. Even if I didn't know how to max, like like to be perfect at it, I knew that I was going to work at it to be something bigger than what we were in the moment. So now, though, when I was, when I was a single guy right, I was, you know I understood. Like, going back into this dating field, you start to see that most people don't have those philosophies. Their philosophies is about the me, me, me, and I'm about the we, we, we.
Speaker 3:now I speak French, so you know, what I'm saying, so being that we, I being that most people were about the me at the me society, I just like alright, cool, let me fall back, because one, I'm not a vindictive person, I don't want to be around vindictiveness and the me stuff, and there's nothing wrong with you being isolated for yourself too, but if you're saying that you want to build with somebody, it's a different situation, and there's a lot of independent women out here which they're looking for certain types of men, and some of those certain types of men either want younger women or they're not ready to be settled down.
Speaker 3:Right, I was just like yo listen, I don't really want no young girl and I'm figuring out how to find somebody. That kind of checks off the boxes and then we kind of see if we can make this together. And even if she is independent, she can still see that I do have, I am a leader, so we can both be leaders, but I can lead the house. Nowadays it's very tough to find those things, and that's what I'm hearing. I'm not typecasting anybody. What I'm saying is I'm hearing that that's a very hard thing nowadays.
Speaker 2:But I feel like a lot of these things are hard because social media is. They're looking at this facade on social media of hello, okay. They're looking at the facade on social media where it's a fairy tale, yeah, right. So you know, I'm a firm believer in you need to be what you want, got you. So if you want to attract a man or woman that serves you, what are you bringing, right? So there's always like you know, what am I bringing to the table? I am the table, that's nice, what's on the table? Because maybe you're serving a meal that I don't like. So you have to be self-aware, you have to know what you're doing out there. You have to be what you want, whatever that is yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, if you want a millionaire, then you better be a millionaire.
Speaker 2:No, I think you know, or you're a hard worker and you can get there. You know, because you don't necessarily have to be the millionaire. But what's your mindset?
Speaker 3:but I think people um misconcept what millionaires look like, so they think it's the guy that's always jumping on a private jet. Majority of the millionaires I know, you know they drive, you know Ram trucks, you know what I'm saying. Like, I just know a lot of those guys that are worth anywhere from a million to five million dollars. They're doing, and those guys run successful businesses and they're doing very well. But I think in this day and age, that everybody thinks that you're supposed to look a certain type of way, a lifestyle jumping on the private jets, and this is that Not knowing that the person that you're passing up is the person that can give you the life that you're looking for. And the private jet dude has a long list of individuals that he can take on that jet.
Speaker 3:Well that he is. People on private jets.
Speaker 2:Yet. Yet Well, yeah, but there's only one and she's too young. I'm not trying to, but nevertheless, though, people are glorifying.
Speaker 3:like you said, social media has opened the doors to people thinking that 1% of their life is the greatest part, and they're not seeing the 99% of it.
Speaker 2:What you have to put into that relationship to even make that relationship work. Because you could see this man right Physically. You know he's checking your boxes physically. Or a woman checking your boxes physically. You're thinking, okay, that bank account, I'm sure they look, it's nice, you know, because they're wearing, you know, the Louis and the Gucci and the Prada and all of that. Right, they look the part, but they're rotten inside and you're not. And they'll accept and we were talking about this before the levels of what you would accept in a relationship because of certain boxes that are checked for you. So now you have a bunch of people out there in relationships with people that they don't mesh with because aesthetically this person is pleasing.
Speaker 3:It's an image, yes, the image aspect of it nowadays is. I mean, there's more. It's more about imagery than anything else nowadays too. I mean because of social media. So it's about what that other person looks like, and I'm not saying that looks is not the first thing that you see. No-transcript in certain areas or an area at this moment in time I've seen.
Speaker 2:listen, we've encountered, you know in my single days. There were a few, you know like it's just piss in the dating pool. There's turds flowing in the dating pool. It is not fun.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I'm, and I'm.
Speaker 2:Listen, I'm. I've encountered stories where I'm like I don't want, I don't want, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1:I like that I feel bad.
Speaker 3:So that's what I mean. If you hear and most of the individuals that I know that were single yo, it's a cesspool, right, and because of what today's standard is, and today's standard is different for everybody, obviously I just know that when a person is looking for, you know, let's just say they're looking for that quick thrill, you know where to find it, you know what.
Speaker 3:I'm saying yes, you know that quick thrill is only going to be there for so long, like you know, one, two, three, four times. And then all of a sudden it's almost like getting on a roller coaster that you've gone on. At first it was crazy.
Speaker 3:The second time, then all of a sudden it's like all right do I still get on this roller coaster now, because it's like the same screams, the same this, the same everything, and then, all of a sudden, what happens? You don't want that drop. No, yeah, so that's what I'm saying. So now? So now, what's? What's the next? What? What goes from there? If a person is, if a woman or a man is super independent, so if a woman's super independent, some men are very scared, um, or you know, I some men very scared to to talk to that strong woman.
Speaker 2:Why do you guys think?
Speaker 3:that is.
Speaker 2:She's not for you, bro. You need some confidence. It depends on the man, yes, but that's what I'm saying Because if you're a strong man, then you're going to be comfortable with that. Then she doesn't scare you.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 3:Wait. But what if you're a strong man and you're a strong woman, but he's telling you like, so what? Like you need, like you're strong, but you need to be subservient to me? Like, could those men come out there like that? What if that happens? Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Okay, I guess it depends on the connection, Like, if you feel the man is your man, like the one for you, then you're going to want to serve him and you're going to be okay with letting him take that role going to want to serve him and you're going to be okay with letting him take that role got you. Now, if it's a man who's not bringing anything to the table, not adding to value to your life, you're going to be like fuck you all right.
Speaker 3:So what if it's a man that's adding value to your life? Okay, okay he's aesthetically pleasing okay right oh, he's aesthetically pleasing, but there's just one thing about him that you feel that is going to be a trigger. Let's say it's the financial aspect. Let's just say he's paid and you feel that he's going to use that against you. Is that something that you're going to shy away from? Yes, okay yes, okay, yes.
Speaker 2:I will say. I will say yes In my, in my opinion, for me, yes, um, I did have to learn that money. I hate to say this, but it's true Money does not buy happiness.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:But would I like to be crying in a Porsche versus a Toyota?
Speaker 3:I got you. Yeah, that's a difference, right, but who bought that Porsche?
Speaker 2:Yes, you know difference, right I?
Speaker 3:got you, yes, but who bought that?
Speaker 2:Porsche. Yes, you know, because if I'm crying in a Porsche and I didn't earn it or I didn't do anything for it, You're just crying double, I'm just yeah, right, I'm a dummy. Yeah, I got you, you know, but I feel like against you. That's your red flag.
Speaker 3:Got you.
Speaker 2:You're not going to be able to get past that. It doesn't matter that he's buying the things for you and he's paying the bills and he's giving you all of the things that you want monetarily, because that's not doing anything for you spiritually, emotionally, mentally, because in the back of your mind you're waiting for that one time or that few times, because you already know that that's going to be a thing where he's going to say oh, but when I do this for you and when I do this for you and you should be doing this because I did this, or I'm buying you this and I'm taking care of this, so if he's the man taking care of all of the bills, well, he throws it in your face all the time.
Speaker 1:That's toxic, that's super toxic.
Speaker 3:That's toxic, yes.
Speaker 1:That's, in a sense, narcissistic. It is, it is 100%, it's narcissistic, and especially if he's buying you something in a way, that's love bombing. You know, like, you know, like, enlighten me what is love?
Speaker 3:bombing love.
Speaker 1:Bombing is when you do something, you hurt your person right, and then you give them all the false hope, all these promises. Oh, I'm gonna change, we're gonna get married, things are gonna get better, things are gonna get better. I'm never doing this again. You're my queen. I'm gonna do all these things that you asked me to do. Two days later, back to the bullshit.
Speaker 2:Oh, got you Back to the bullshit.
Speaker 3:But that's if you were in a relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right, okay, but love bombing also happens when you're not in a relationship. So they again put up the mask and they start doing all these nice things for you and oh, my God, you're the one for me and I'm going to do this for you and they start they do them Right.
Speaker 3:I'm going to say is it words or is it actions?
Speaker 2:It's both.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:It's going to be both, but it's short-lived. Because it is short-lived? Because once you give in, all of that stuff gets ripped out from under you and that's just narcissistic behavior, right. But we're going to go back to the man that's going to pay all the bills and do other things, so he's doing what he's supposed to be doing.
Speaker 3:As a man.
Speaker 2:Essentially as a man, but he uses it against you, but he's using it against you I don't want it. Right, I don't want it either.
Speaker 3:So is that still just like? But he's all right. So if that's his one flaw, that's a major flaw.
Speaker 1:No, that's a major flaw. I know, I'm just asking Is that?
Speaker 3:like something that can be worked on, like yo, he's like somebody goes. So you know, one of your homegirls is like, yeah, I couldn't pay, I didn't pay the mortgage. You know, billy paid the mortgage yesterday and he paid it the last 12 times and you're like, wow, that's amazing. But every time he pays it you know every two months he has to let me know that he paid the bill. He had to let me know. I had to almost try to put me in my place to let me know that I paid. Is that an issue? Yes, yeah, of course it's an issue.
Speaker 2:I don't care that you paid the mortgage.
Speaker 3:No, because I know there's more.
Speaker 1:No, because it's like you're basically making them seem like they need you, like you have to thank them every day, as opposed to something that you should be just doing anyway.
Speaker 2:Right, got you. You're going to pay the mortgage, whether I'm here or not.
Speaker 3:See, but the reason I ask that is because most nowadays it feels as if that's the culture we're in. I did this for you, so I got to let you know that I did it for you. And I got to let you know and when you do something, I got to make sure you know that I did it for you. I think that's the me society aspect of it we're in, Because it's not a team. Like teamwork is very it's almost scarce nowadays when it comes into like relationships.
Speaker 1:You want the person who's going to say I did this for us.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 2:You know, hey babe Like what's yours is mine, right, but even so, like, okay, let's say he did pay the mortgage and he wants to let you know it's not what you say, it's how you say it Got you. Because what if he say, babe, just to let you know I paid the mortgage, don't worry about it? Okay, and that's different than just remember I paid the mortgage.
Speaker 1:I got you, you know.
Speaker 2:You know that's crazy Like this roof is over your head because I paid this and you know these lights are on because I did this. You know that's different than just hey, don't worry about it, I paid it. Can you get the groceries or whatever?
Speaker 3:You know that's a difference Is that, but so okay, that leads me to this. So is that the 50-50 mentality?
Speaker 1:No, I don't think that's 50-50. If you're paying the mortgage and you're asking them to pay, you know some of the utilities. I don't think that's 50 50. So the mortgage is, the is the primary.
Speaker 2:You know it's yeah, but I'm saying, I say yes and no let's say 70, 30.
Speaker 3:Let's say no, I'm just saying no, no, no, I'm gonna give you a perspective. So let's say about that 50-50.
Speaker 2:I don't. So 50-50 is cute and all right if you earn the same gotcha right, and if that works for you, then okay, cool, that works for you. Right, because some people you have people that you know pay the mortgage and then this one pays all of the household bills, right?
Speaker 2:so if that's a 50 50, then okay, cool, um, but let's say, you know, the only thing they pay is the mortgage okay but she's doing all of the bills paying all of the groceries, the bills, all of those things, cooking and cleaning, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, making sure everything is done, you know, taking them to wherever, picking them up, like doing all of those things. Now, is that really 50-50? No, so you could sit there and tell me that you paid the mortgage, but what the hell else did you do?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So that's the thing I think that's being, that's almost, that's a person giving 50%. So I don't me personally, I don't believe in the 50-50. I believe that in a relationship, you give 100, I give 100, it makes it 200%, opposed to it being that we tally up to 100%, right. I don't want to give somebody half of me, so I give somebody 100% of me, 100%, right. Actually, I listened to this guy named Eric Thompson. He's the hip-hop preacher. He said he gives 120% in everything he does. He said he's like triple-double, so he's not just a good businessman or a good, just only a good businessman, or only a good husband or only a good father. He's all three of them and he's like and he makes sure that he does everything that he's supposed to do. In short, and he gives you a hundred and he gives his family, his business, everything 120% in order to get that goal accomplished. Wow.
Speaker 2:He's 360.
Speaker 3:Yeah, essentially he makes and what he does. He's one of the you know, number one speakers in the world, but he's also able to do such at a high level because of how he created his lifestyle. I think when a person or a man or a woman gets into a relationship and knows that they want this person to become whatever when I wouldn't go into it, 50, I would give that person 100. And that 100 then shows that person like, hey, listen, he's given this 100. Let me do my best to give that person 100. And that 100 then shows that person like, hey, listen, he's given this 100. Let me do my best to give that 100 too, because sometimes you may not be able to give 100. That person may be able to give 80, but then that's 180.
Speaker 3:Opposed to you just giving 50 and I give 50, that's 100. So I think the more that we are very aware of what we're getting into any type of relationship with and have a plan of where you want to go. I think that's where you should start and how you're going to give that percentage. And if you think that you cannot serve that person, do your best to have the conversation and be like listen, I only got 50 for you. Yeah, right now. Yeah, you know what I'm saying for you yeah.
Speaker 1:Right now. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:Are you willing to work with me? Mm-hmm, do you think those conversations happen often?
Speaker 1:No, in a healthy relationship they will Absolutely 100%.
Speaker 3:All right. So what's a healthy relationship?
Speaker 2:Communication.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm, it's got to be first and foremost.
Speaker 1:It has to be built on communication. It, first and foremost, it has to be built on communication.
Speaker 2:It has to be right. So you have your communication. You're creating that friendship right. You have to have, you have to make sure that your values align.
Speaker 3:Got you.
Speaker 2:Because if they don't align, what are you doing Right? And some people don't know that until they've already done the husband and wife thing. And they don't realize, because they didn't communicate, they didn't have that conversation. You know, like, hey, how do you want to raise kids if we have kids, or how do you want to, you know, take care of finances?
Speaker 1:There's a bunch of things that come with communication. You have to have the uncomfortable conversations. You know that's going to get you a clear understanding on where you both are.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, we have those.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, we had those.
Speaker 3:I'm just. No, but you have to have those uncomfortable conversations, so those uncomfortable conversations opens the doors to the aspect of the abundance of a relationship, because sometimes those uncomfortable conversations can also have the other person running like on the other side. So, either way, that's what I'm saying On both sides. I love the good side, but playing devil's advocate, what if that uncomfortable conversation then leads to those people like, eh, this might not be enough for me, so then that's just not your person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's just not your person. Yeah, and you could be. Let's be honest, right? You know I love, I love communicating. Right, I'm a communicator and I love telling people about themselves, but I don't like hearing about myself. Jax is crazy, it's true. You know, I love telling you about yourself, and you know, good or bad, you know, I'm not going to say that it's all going to be negative, because I'm also going to tell you the good, of course, but I will absolutely tell you the bad too, because I don't want that shit.
Speaker 2:However, when it's my turn. I'm a runner. I'm a track star.
Speaker 3:I'm a runner.
Speaker 2:I'm a track star you know, but I had to become self-aware to know that about myself. So to then say, okay, you're right. And when I say you're right, I got you there.
Speaker 1:I got you. You felt like a winner, right.
Speaker 3:See how I dispel this for me, and this is only for me. I'm not trying to win an argument.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:Right, I don't care, you want to win, go ahead and win. I want to deal with facts, yes. So whatever feelings we have, okay, cool, that's fine. Whatever logic aspect too, because men can logically and sometimes we can have to do away with the logic and deal with our feelings. Well then, feelings, deal away with that and deal with logic. But I'm not trying to win an argument. I'm not trying to say I told you so right, what I want. I want to deal with what's right for that situation, not me being right or you being right. I'm not trying to hear the we're right aspect, oh, you're right. I want to know what's right for that particular situation, and I think that most people want that. I won argument, I got one up on you. I think that's so prevalent in most relationships.
Speaker 1:nowadays it is.
Speaker 3:That it's ridiculous. It also sways how people even govern in their relationships. Like yo, he always think he's always right. Like damn, is he always right. And it makes you think about yourself if something's wrong with you. And then like, well, then the conversation comes. Well, he's a high-valued man, so maybe he is right. Or she's a high value woman and I'm not.
Speaker 3:And listen, I'm just talking about these. Are these, are these are instagram terms? Or you know terms from you know kevin samuels that created it? You know, a high value. I'm pretty sure he he had his own thesis of why he created it and his own, you know, criterias, but I I still don't understand. I understand it, I just don't get that. Everybody thinks that you know, only a certain type of people is high valued. You know what I mean Meaning. Like you, I think there are high valued individuals that work regular jobs and you know and I think that that bridges the gap between having these interesting conversations it's like a person is making, let's say, $95,000 and the next person is making $195,000. But this person brings everything else. They bring kind of levels it out, because this person is missing a lot of things. I take the person that makes $80,000, $90,000 as high value because one they're able to emotionally communicate. That's a new word that I'm figuring out. I've been looking those meanings up, like emotionally.
Speaker 3:Being emotionally intelligent, being emotionally intelligent. Those are things that most people they say, that most men are not.
Speaker 2:Very hard. Do you know what age men fully?
Speaker 3:mature. What is it like 30?
Speaker 1:No, it's like 40, right 43. You're right there boy 43.
Speaker 3:Easy 43.
Speaker 1:So easy.
Speaker 3:Obviously some faster than others. It is a question.
Speaker 2:It is a question.
Speaker 3:All right question, Hold on. So men mature at 43? Mm-hmm. Meaning in what?
Speaker 2:Fully Emotionally, Fully Emotionally mentally.
Speaker 3:Why, though? Is that because of where they grew up? Listen, I don't know.
Speaker 2:You speak to Google about that?
Speaker 3:statistic.
Speaker 2:I don't know if statistic Okay well, I will tell you, I don't believe that.
Speaker 3:But the reason why I don't believe that is because I think it has to do with also stuff like I'm an 80s baby. I grew up in the era of being a tough guy, right Freaking Karate Kid and all these tough movies, the A-Team, all of these things that I remember. Like Mr T, I want to be like that you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:I want to be like that guy and my dad was super tough. We grew up in an environment that was very competitive and you had to be tough. So for me, I just thought about raising my. I can't raise my kids the way my dad raised me. Why? Because they wouldn't get. You know, the being tough. It's a totally different time. So the like being mature, I think that I would say 35. You know what I'm saying, but I guess not. I think 42-ish would 35, you know what I'm saying but I guess not.
Speaker 1:I think 42, yeah, 42-ish should be better. Oh, wow, yeah, especially where you are right now. Maybe that happened.
Speaker 2:But Google does say the results of this study is so. The study was at what age does a man fully emotionally mature?
Speaker 3:oh, emotionally mature, okay, I mean listen.
Speaker 2:So the results of this study concluded that men are not considered mature until approximately 43 years of age.
Speaker 1:I mean you still got some time.
Speaker 3:I got y'all out of here. I don't think it's true. But they say, google said and Google and women is from birth. See, that's the thing, See, that's the bullshit that we say.
Speaker 2:And I will say that I won't agree with that?
Speaker 3:See, let's get some Some statistics. Let's see, I don't think so, personally. Women do mature faster Than guys, than men, for sure, and that's perfect. That's cool Cause it's Cause you guys have your body's, you know the heart. It's just a lot Going on with you guys.
Speaker 2:So women reach Full emotional maturity At around age 32.
Speaker 3:So what so? Women reach full emotional maturity at around age 32.
Speaker 2:So what so 32.? We got 11 years up on them, right?
Speaker 3:You know, yo, listen, man, all I'm saying is this this new term of emotional intelligence is very interesting. I love where it's a good conversation piece because it opens up a lot about you know, actually being in touch with your feelings, especially nowadays. That's a big thing. I've never been this emotional ever in my life and no, I hear you, but listen to what I'm saying I've never been this emotional, meaning having to tap into my feelings. Yes, and you're kind of right, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 3:But so is google. But I mean, circumstances led up to that, right, so I had to kind of tap into something else to kind of figure out what that is. And I think I've seen I guess it's because of the times that we're in I've seen men at 30, very emotional with themselves and actually some of them are too emotional, if you ask me, because they become it's almost like they become the woman in their relationships, and when you have the conversation with them, it's almost like I'm speaking to a female, Like she doesn't accept me for me and my feelings, and it's like no, that's what.
Speaker 3:I've been hearing. It's like you know and like you know, and I don't understand.
Speaker 2:And you know what that means. You know what that means. Say it, Jackie. Shame for you.
Speaker 1:No, that's good, Shame for you. No, that's good for you.
Speaker 2:Like listen it's nice when, when men are emotionally intelligent yes, right, and it is nice when they are in in tune with their feelings and they know what they want and what they don't want. It's hard, at least in my experience, to even get that.
Speaker 3:So do you want a soft man?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 3:Or a tough man, or in the middle, there's a balance. What is a balance? What does a balance look like?
Speaker 1:So she's already found her person.
Speaker 3:I got the balance. I'm trying to ask the question so you can give me what you're looking for In the past.
Speaker 2:I would want the tough guy Right, Not the softy, because you've seen, so you envision that the tough guy is the leader.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I was tired of being that person.
Speaker 2:You were tired of being the tough guy I was tired of leading.
Speaker 1:I wanted to be submissive to the right person, but now, being that I have someone who has both qualities, I wouldn't settle for less right, because you need that, that good balance you do need the balance.
Speaker 2:I think that a good balance, because you know she already sees her balance. So she, she says you Right, but let's put this in words?
Speaker 1:No, but it's true. You know why?
Speaker 2:Because we got to put a definition on it. We have really in-depth conversations. Right. Where you know I see the softness come out, but let something happen and somebody do something and you feel like you have your protector, exactly Right, so you don't have to be. You don't have.
Speaker 1:Oh, I don't know what happened At the bowling alley. I saw that tough guy come out. It wasn't.
Speaker 3:Okay, here Before Hold on Jackson, hold on, hey, amir, you're here, right, so, amir. So we're at the bowling. Some guys come in that she knows, or they know her, or whatever she says hi, they think they know her.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they think they know her right, and so I hate that. I'm super observant and I just sometimes I love it and then sometimes I hate it. But as soon as he was able to like figure it like, oh, that's such and such and this, and that all he did was he backed up and then did that to look at her butt, right. But then he looked up and his eyes and eyes caught and he was like looking for butterflies, right, good, right, looking for butterflies.
Speaker 3:Then we standing up. These two guys are sitting there and he's pointing. Now see, the difference is like it's. You know, if somebody's doing this they're different. But he's like pointing and the other one's looking.
Speaker 1:So now I'm like all right, For me it's fucking guys looking at your ass.
Speaker 3:I'm like yeah, yeah, so so now I'm like is that disrespectful? It is, or because now? Because then again I look up and our eyes catch and he's looking too Like he's looking for butterflies. So one thing I'm not going to do is approach the aspect and be like yo, what's up man? I just think that is disrespectful when you see the person with their person.
Speaker 2:Fair.
Speaker 3:And you shouldn't be gawking. And then you want to point and this and that, and you know she's so nice. Hey, how you guys doing. I'm really not. I'm like yo, like you know, just, it's the respect value. I'm not going to see a man and his woman, I'm going to be like damn and I'm not going to go to my guy. I'm like yo, my man. Look at him. You know what I'm saying, Right, Me personally, no, that's just on me. I don't think I mean you can't stop people from looking, which is cool, but once in a see, the thing is it's they established that they knew each other, Right? So, being that, I think because of that aspect that they established they knew each other, I think that, oh, she's here with her peoples. Let me give her the respect. Nah, your man walked back twice and did the and she's oblivious to it, Right?
Speaker 2:But I'm just like, and then he looks up and he looks at me, he's like Well, he didn't expect for you to be observant.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because I'm looking like, because you know, listen, guys, answer this question. Your girl says hi to a bunch of men or a man. What are you doing? Are you going hi back or you're like who the hell are these guys? And that's what I did. I gave the look like who the hell are these guys? Not in the sense of being, but they were with their wives and children as well.
Speaker 2:So that's the only reason I said hi back.
Speaker 1:Because if it was a group of guys alone, you know, then it's different.
Speaker 2:All right, let's talk about the respect aspect. Right? Because not only did they lack respect for you right and who you're with, they lack respect for who they're with.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 2:Because why are you guys convening behind your wives looking at a woman that's with her man?
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 2:Right, I personally is disrespectful. That's what I thought. It's super disrespectful, and y'all know it's disrespectful. They also weren't 43 years old, I'm sure.
Speaker 3:No, they probably were older, but nevertheless though, older yeah, I say younger. Nah, they were definitely some old dudes. But you know, at the end of the day, though I just was, I was just trying to, I wasn't really upset. It was the fact that once you start pointing your finger and you start hitting with the head, nod now you're making it a thing that's such a like touchy thing, but I did see that protective side and I really like that.
Speaker 2:No, of course, and that makes you feel good, right, amir? What would? What do you your opinion on? How do you approach that, or do you even approach that?
Speaker 1:I guess you gotta like think about it, depending on like what situation If you catch somebody looking at your girl's ass.
Speaker 3:You get huh. I mean, I've dated people. When you walk around, people are staring at you. I'm going to push every single person? No for sure At all, but if it's yeah that is.
Speaker 2:It's a touchy. It's weird because I've never been in that situation.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So the only thing for me was it wasn't me to be, I wasn't there to be like go silverback gorilla, I wasn't doing that. Right, I wasn't going to do that, it was just more so the understanding of they with they peoples, we with our peoples. I think that's a mutual respect aspect, but not everybody has that same button.
Speaker 1:But he gave them the look like try me.
Speaker 3:No, that's a fact. I definitely gave them the look and like, try me. No, that's a fit. I definitely gave them the look and it changed. Good, so but then the fact that the crazy part about this is that that still just lets me know that I still have to give you the look to show the aspect of respect, value, because I can't stop you from looking.
Speaker 2:That's on you, but who you with, and then when the pointing when the pointing starts, a point, that's when it's over, that's when it's like I'm like, all right, see, okay, so I'm, um, I'm not jealous, yeah right, let's get. Let's get that straight, I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous, I am territorial, right, and so the difference that's like the word of the week. Alright, let's go with this yeah, I like that word so the difference is so, by definition, jealousy. Is you being upset feeling?
Speaker 1:insecure something they have that you don't have right.
Speaker 2:It's an insecurity because it's not yours right.
Speaker 2:So you're angry because that's not yours, whatever it is right, but territorial, this is mine, don't angry because that's not yours or whatever. It is right, but territorial, this is mine, don't touch it, that's a no-go right. So in that sense, you become territorial, because now you feel like you have to come out being the protector because yo, why are you looking at my girl like that? And it's not that you're looking. Now you're being disrespectful, you're pointing, you're pointing, you're doing things that you're not you know you wild for that.
Speaker 3:So if I would have said something then it would have been a, but I didn't. So because I saw that everybody was looking for butterflies, I just let them.
Speaker 2:So not only are you disrespectful, you're a bitch yeah.
Speaker 3:So now, jax, that's even why I didn't even like, just say like something, even respectful like yo can y'all. I didn't even do that because they all started looking for butterflies and.
Speaker 3:I just let it go. I just let it go and I went to her and I said babe, listen, you know, and I wasn't gonna go silverback, I wasn't even gonna go lying on them, I just kept it casual and I kept on doing what I was doing. But you just know that there's a certain type of things. Not even just in that aspect, you still have to be some type of territorial in some sense of the word, because men try men, women try women, and you have to let that be known. Sometimes, like don't play with me, and sometimes it doesn't have to go into it, it's just a look, a word, a stance, the way you are, and sometimes, and that's just what it is, I think people misconstrue like jealousy and being territorial, or the fact of you just don't want to be played with, like yo, listen, I definitely know I cannot stop people from looking at her.
Speaker 3:That's a thousand percent. I'll be dumb of me to be like, yeah, I can stop you from. No, I know I cannot stop people from looking at her. That's a thousand percent. I'll be dumb of me to be like, yeah, I can stop you from. No, I know I can't, but the fact that it was established who they were with and this is. And then for me I'm like, okay, cool. So now I'm like, oh, it's a family setting. But then it turned into not such much a family setting. So now I had to kind of be like, all right, now I have to kind of like, take a look and let you know. Like yo bro, I know what's up, and yo bro, I know what's up. And as soon as I did that, everybody was looking at the floor for the rest of the night as they should yeah, so that's just what it is.
Speaker 2:As they should. I would say so, and after he told me that I don't want there to be looks at all, you don't want there to be no funny situation where you have to say something or just be like listen, I know she's beautiful, but please keep your eyes inside the sockets, like you don't ever want to have to say that. Because, first of all, it's stupid. It's stupid to even have to say that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and it's stupid because I can't stop somebody from doing that.
Speaker 3:So, it would be dumb people, you know. The cop would be like what happened? Well, he was looking at her. Oh really, click, click and you're going to raid. But I'm just saying, at the end of the day, it wasn't that. For me it was more of just the aspect, of the pointing aspect. I thought that, you know, that's where the comfortability was for me. But when I saw, you know, he was talking, and he was talking like almost like saying something and then pointing, and he, then the other one, goes, and then I'm like, oh okay, cool, now I know what they talking about. So now that I know I wanted to establish bro, not even bro, yo, this is just what it is.
Speaker 2:That's mine.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm saying and I have my sons with me. My sons would have washed them up, but you know what I mean and that's just yeah. My son is 6'3 man like you know what. I'm saying you know, and my 12 year old would probably kick their head off, he's a soccer player but nevertheless you know. But at the end of the it's just I just don't want to be disrespected. I don't want y'all to be disrespected.
Speaker 3:I think we go someplace and y'all are disrespected. It's going to be a different problem. You wouldn't even have to say anything. You respect the people that you're with and you'll be able to. You know you address it accordingly and that's the thing it's like addressing. You meet it where you know. Sometimes you don't have to meet the fire with fire because most of the times it's the walk away like yo let that person still do what they do and you just remove yourself from it. You keep pushing. But sometimes you have to establish like listen, just don't play with this person, and we keep it pushing.
Speaker 2:I have a question yes. I'm gonna ask this question, jasmine.
Speaker 3:Okay, perfect, because as a woman, right?
Speaker 2:Let's say, the setting is you guys are at a restaurant and you know how they like to sweetie, baby honey, you know, waitresses Hola mi amor, si Right, so now they're going to do that. Do you approach it? No, because I'm confident.
Speaker 1:Right, he know we got a home so he knows what the dessert is later. You know, yeah, that's crazy and I know that it's for and that culture it's common, Right, but even so, I've been in situations where I'll go to, and maybe it's not even right, but even so.
Speaker 2:So I've been in situations where I'll go to, and maybe it's not even that culture right. I've gone to Chili's or Friday's and the waitress is directing all of her comments to the man and I'm not, and that's where I'm like oh okay, she doesn't want a tip, right, so I won't say anything. Or and that's where I'm like oh okay, she doesn't want a tip, right, so I won't say anything. Or when you're asking a question, I will respond. So yeah, you ask him a question, I'm responding, yeah.
Speaker 3:So now that you say that, so she responds like I don't, like she would know what I want oh, like ordering your food and she would. She would just be like so if the girl does come over to say something, she would be like yeah, so he would like. So I was just the other day.
Speaker 2:Look at, she's already asserting her dominance.
Speaker 1:First, of all, she's dominant. That's just the way I am by nature, though I was just like okay, and I was just like okay, and it's not even like a territorial thing. That's just how I am. Yeah, but he's like I like when you do that, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:Because I understand the aspect of the, you know the, because after a while you know, you know, you start laughing all that yeah.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:I'm not trying to get slapped either, so I'm just like I'm you know that's just interesting, because then so I'm just like listen.
Speaker 2:You know that's just interesting, cause then she'll be like oh, you like that, you like when she calls you papi, she likes that. Well, you know what? I'm never calling you papi ever.
Speaker 3:That's crazy.
Speaker 1:I'm like mira, cuidado what she just said.
Speaker 3:But I'm just saying that means be careful yeah but the thing, though I think that territorial is definitely. I think there's a lot of people that are territorial, but they take it a little bit too.
Speaker 2:That's when it gets. That's when you show your insecurities.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's, that's jealousy. Yes, I'm a.
Speaker 2:I personally don't like to look stupid, for sure, and I don't like to make myself look stupid.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 2:So I don't react. Will I say something a little off the wall sometimes, or like you know she's looking and she's looking and I'm like he's beautiful, right, I know you know. So you say things like that. So it's like you know yeah, girl, I get it, don't fuck around and find out. So I'm sarcastic.
Speaker 3:I hear you.
Speaker 2:And you know.
Speaker 3:I love it. I thank God for my Vega jeans.
Speaker 1:you know Beautiful honey. All right, let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up like a present.
Speaker 2:Yeah, guys, thank you for tuning in. We've had so much to say. Yes, thank you for being here.
Speaker 3:Don.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you for tuning in. We've had so much to say. Yes, thank you for being here, don.
Speaker 3:Yeah, thank you for having me for week number two.
Speaker 2:I appreciate it yes Channel choice.
Speaker 3:Yo, johnny, I'm sorry, this is your spot. I'm here representing you, my friend. I hope little mama's feeling all right. I'm here for you, my friend. I hope little mama's feeling all right. I'm here for you.
Speaker 2:Yes, we, we love you, Johnny. We can't wait until you're back. Jasmine Don, thank you so much for giving us a little bit of insight of your relationship and seeing where it's going. Oh man, Tune in to next week. Oh my gosh and definitely sign up to the Patreon. It is $10. No $3 a month, 10 cents a day. Yes, yes, could be $10 if you want to. Yeah, feed the parents.
Speaker 1:Feed the parents.
Speaker 2:Peace, peace.