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ParentsUncut Pod
This is a Podcast surrounding the adventure, struggle, beauty and intricacies of new parenthood. Hosted by three parents, totally 10 kids in together, they go through their mazes and phases of parenting styles, parenting norms, modern day parents, their trials and tribulations whilst keeping it raw and unfiltered. Thanking you for joining us on this journey and we hope we can bring some value to new parents, old parents and those thinking of becoming parents
ParentsUncut Pod
Happy Mothers Day! | Episode 17
Ever found yourself in a laugh-out-loud debate about undies while grappling with the prospect of upgrading your car for the munchkins’ sake? We are gathered for a whirlwind of conversations that tackle everything from the hilarity of emergency bathroom breaks to the sleek allure of the "Papi Chulo" ride. Our candid banter flowed into tales of love's effect on eating habits and a recount of an axe-throwing date that was more challenging than hitting a bullseye on the first try.
Grab a tissue, because you might tear up from laughter or the relatable pains of seasonal allergies as we wade through the enigma of dongles and share warm anecdotes about Mother's Day. This episode is like sitting down with your funniest friends, where we reveal the strong bonds we share, offering each other pet-sitting help and swapping stories about our kids. Our camaraderie is palpable, weaving through heartwarming tales, the itch of allergies, and the anticipation for that pizza delivery.
But it's not all chuckles and sniffles; we also lace up our cowboy boots for a virtual trot through Nashville's dynamic scene, dreaming of bachelorette parties and the journey to marriage and fatherhood. The mood sobers as we delve into the unsettling details of a mysterious death at Lumber River Park, pondering the complexities of life and mental health – a poignant reminder during Mental Health Awareness Month. Join us as we traverse this landscape of topics, where the lines between humor, heartache, and head-scratching moments blur in an episode that's anything but ordinary.
Thank you for being here, thank you for your time and energy. We hope that we can ALL build this incredible community for parents by parents with parents.
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Ladies and ugly men, welcome to Parents Uncut. I'm one of the hosts. Handsome Contreras.
Speaker 3:How nice, one of the hosts, one of the hosts and we are the other hosts.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's a trio of hosts.
Speaker 1:And I'm the voice of God. Oh, hallelujah, you're not Morgan Freeman, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:We gotta ask him for permission first.
Speaker 1:Sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 2:I'm Jasmine, jazzy's Joy and I'm Jax and we are the co-hosts. Studio is at Mi Casa today, casa de Jasmine. Where are we going next? We don't know.
Speaker 3:We don't know, maybe the park Trailer park, not with these allergies. You're right, oh, it's true, oh God, understand each other.
Speaker 2:The faja, that's a thong we can wear and push it to the side, but the ones that's shorts. You got a little tiny hose. Like whose vagina is that little it's?
Speaker 1:not even that. You pee all over it by the time it comes out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I cannot hold my bladder. There's just no way. If I gotta go, I gotta go Immediately.
Speaker 2:Yeah, gotta, let it go. You're peeing yourself.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, I've been there I just kept driving. In your car.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I was like yo. This traffic is crazy and I'm about to die. Let the urine go.
Speaker 2:Really Not in that new car.
Speaker 3:That's a Papi Chulo car I saw it, I was like who's pulling up? No, I pulled, I pulled in and I was like whose car is this? It's really cute, whose bill is this Whose bill is this?
Speaker 2:You got a really good deal, I'm sure I got a great deal but I still look for.
Speaker 1:I like my hoop deal that I had no payments on.
Speaker 3:That's always the best.
Speaker 1:But the kids are safe now.
Speaker 3:Pen, but I hope he's happy and you get a lot of looks, I'm sure. Yeah, it happens.
Speaker 2:You see, he's so unready. You know, me and Amir Were like that's a nice car. What kind of car is that?
Speaker 1:I'm just trying to chill you got a real dad, sexy dad car yeah.
Speaker 3:It's a really nice car. I really like it.
Speaker 1:I need that CeraVe Thing that you said.
Speaker 2:I'll give you some pills. Give me, it's not syrupy, I'm like. Contrave is a pill that suppresses your appetite, which, of course, I haven't been taking this past month because I've been in love and eating all this good stuff. But I'm starting back on Monday.
Speaker 3:Do it girl, I've been in love and eating all this good stuff, yeah, eating all this good stuff.
Speaker 1:That sounds crazy, right.
Speaker 3:Good stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not colostrum. We went axe throwing yesterday. Have you ever gone axe throwing? Oh, I saw that you guys are so freaking cute man.
Speaker 1:That's so white.
Speaker 2:I was telling him that I was like you know, it's a real Long Island thing, is it? Yeah, because you know, I mean even in the hood.
Speaker 1:Jackie, when's the last time you threw an axe?
Speaker 3:Honestly, in Dave and Buster's, Not at somebody. I didn't do that. It's not on record. No, I did it in Dave and Buster's. Dave and Buster's they have the fake one and women are supposed to. Well, according to statistics, women are better at it than men. Well, okay.
Speaker 2:So it was hard. It's not as easy as you think, because the axe is heavy and you gotta throw a certain way. So at first me and him were missing like crazy. Then they have the ninja, the little ninja chucks.
Speaker 2:Oh the stars yeah so I was getting it with that. Um, the first one I I flung, had a bullet, hit the bullseye and then I sucked after that and then he got the hang of the axe and I was like I suck at this. So finally, the guy who you have like somebody who's making sure you're doing it right, you're not like throwing it at anybody else, thank God.
Speaker 1:You mentioned.
Speaker 2:He taught me how to do it like over the head, and I was able to get a few points in. I saw a video of a girl launching bowling ball at somebody's face oh my god, I saw that too I didn't see that yo imagine getting in, being in a fight and somebody throws a bowling ball at your head. No, no, did you see that video? And she connected. We have to. We have to post a clip of that video, oh my god find it.
Speaker 3:I want to see it also. No I was that just made me think about the lady that she she was doing the. She thought she had a slam ball. That's a slam ball is like it's a weighted ball at the gym but it doesn't bounce back. So you slam it right and it has different weight. And it wasn't a slam ball, it was a medicine ball. And she fucking that shit came right back at her. Wow, right in her face. I'll find that video soon. We right in her face.
Speaker 2:I'll find that video soon. We'll put that clip.
Speaker 3:I've seen a couple videos like that, Can you imagine?
Speaker 2:I was like breaking your whole teeth and everything Yo it looked like it broke her nose.
Speaker 1:I think it's a lot different than somebody launching a bowling ball in your head.
Speaker 3:No, that's wild. That shit is hard as hell.
Speaker 1:Yo, first of all, how slow you ball, and they really hit her in the head. If they're going like this. I'd be like this is dangerous.
Speaker 2:Right Fighting at the bowling alley is your pocketing.
Speaker 1:Pocketing. That's because they're pocket dead. I'm sure she's half freaking gone by now.
Speaker 2:Imagine going to jail for killing somebody with a bowling ball.
Speaker 3:I'm sure there's someone in jail that killed somebody with a fucking bowling ball.
Speaker 1:That's crazy when you think about anything you could think of probably happened yeah, definitely 100%.
Speaker 3:You're not on mic somebody. No, he is.
Speaker 1:Oh, there you go yeah, you gotta bring like super close. It's annoying as hell to me right now now you appreciate the SMB7, whatever. I got a quick question do you have the USB?
Speaker 3:the audio jack audio jack connection. The audio jack connection adapter for this A charger, no, an audio jack connection To connect the aux cable.
Speaker 1:Goes into an aux. No, I don't.
Speaker 2:Romeo, the dongle what it's called a dongle, that's called a dongle. I don't have that.
Speaker 3:In Spanish or English. No in English, no in America. Bro, A dongle, it's a.
Speaker 2:I never heard of that. That sounds Australian.
Speaker 1:Apple named it a dongle.
Speaker 3:It is, and I have.
Speaker 1:I have a. I feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 3:I have and it's funny at work.
Speaker 1:Why Talk about no dongles oh?
Speaker 3:dongles.
Speaker 2:Are you talking about dong I?
Speaker 3:have a cup of dongles on top of my desk at work.
Speaker 2:She got a couple of dildos, that's what she's talking about, wait who the fuck gave you dongles?
Speaker 1:Them shits are $10 each.
Speaker 3:We who's that Do you?
Speaker 1:know what I do for a living. Oh, yes, yes, yes, okay.
Speaker 3:So we need dongles.
Speaker 1:My sincere apologies.
Speaker 3:We have so many.
Speaker 1:She flexed on me again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, while she's Miss Tech America, you know what?
Speaker 1:I do for a living. Could I get one? Could I get one? I could use one. She don't have one right now.
Speaker 3:I mean, I can tell you where to get one.
Speaker 1:Okay, I understand.
Speaker 2:That sounds weird.
Speaker 1:Remember ding-dongs no.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:It is not a ding-dong. We're from the generation of Twinkies, bro Yo yo.
Speaker 2:I order pizza, so stop eating the snacks. I order pizza, mozzarella sticks, all that shit.
Speaker 1:Not even that Is it here now.
Speaker 2:It's 10 minutes away. Well, he's hungry now no, because he's going to eat all the Oreos and then he's not going to eat the pizza and then he's going to eat all the.
Speaker 1:Oreos. No, I'll just speak as you guys are correcting the kids as now, okay.
Speaker 2:Oh, the kids. Yeah, Unfortunately the kids are here today. Fortunately, Fortunately we have an audience. Come say hi to the camera, kids.
Speaker 1:On this Mother's Day episode.
Speaker 2:Yes, I love you children.
Speaker 1:These are the kids that make them mothers Come here, katie, this is my 12-year-old.
Speaker 3:That's his twin brother from another mother.
Speaker 1:Literally.
Speaker 2:This is my son, romeo, who did not want to brush his hair today. It's Romeo. Yes, yeah, mom, that was MJ. It's.
Speaker 1:Romeo, Hi MJ it was MJ.
Speaker 2:It's Joromeo hi. Mj say hi Bubba his name's MJ.
Speaker 3:MJ. Yeah, maddox, maddox, come say hi to the camera. Aww, so we call him MJ. Come here, baby say hi to the camera.
Speaker 1:You might have remembered her from the last time she was with us. Except her allergies are destroying her today.
Speaker 3:Look at my baby's eyes.
Speaker 1:Little baby cakes and Jasmine, instead of getting her like something powerful gets her. Claritin. We have a dog as well.
Speaker 2:Shaggy boy. Shaggy, that's my other son.
Speaker 1:Shag, daddy Dostax right here. It definitely wasn't him.
Speaker 3:Shaggy loves his titi. It wasn't, it wasn't him.
Speaker 2:It was Romeo. All right guys Say bye to the camera and go sit down.
Speaker 1:Thanks, the dog is still here. Yeah, even bounce you, he's like whatever, all right, I got it, I'm going with my friends.
Speaker 2:Oh, he hits that on the refrigerator.
Speaker 1:She's bad though Her allergies.
Speaker 2:It just started yesterday. Seriously, she you know, and I went. I took him to their physical this week and the doctor's asking me how are you know, any seasonal allergies? I was like beginning of fall, so I didn't get a prescription. Thank God I had that Claritin. It's the Claritin they gave her by prescription last fall.
Speaker 1:It's for kids though, yeah. Yo don't believe the hype, Just get them the regular one.
Speaker 2:I don't know, if it's for kids.
Speaker 1:But when it's that bad. That's why I was so Zyzow, which is an X I take that that Half a Zyrtec. You know, Zyrtec is 10 milligrams. It's a different ingredient that one's 5 milligrams. So I'm able to give it to Penelope before going to school. I prevent it.
Speaker 2:Doesn't it make her like tired?
Speaker 1:No, that's why I like it, because it's such a low dosage. No, well, my guys, they told me to take it at night Zyrtec like reacts With my genes or something, to the point where I'd be talking Like hallucinating, serious. I didn't even know this Until, like my ex, she was the one One time she's like Don't take those pills again, don't take them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she was from DR. You were talking and like, with your eyes closed, but then you would, I responding, but you didn't know what you were talking about. I'm like get the fuck out of here, you're crazy. And I did it again and then my mom was like yo the fuck, you taking drugs Were you awake. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's weird.
Speaker 1:Awake. You took a parkour.
Speaker 3:And you didn't feel weird. No, I thought I went to sleep. That's crazy. You thought you went to sleep.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he was just talking, he was fucking sleepwalking, not even that. Yo that ass.
Speaker 1:Imagine giving you secrets and shit and you're like Yo, but what about this? And I'm like Well. I have your dog in my lap. I just licked her he loves you.
Speaker 2:He matches with your shirt, with your. You know my little baby. Look at him, you want him, you can take him yeah.
Speaker 1:When I move. He's a hefty bear. I'll babysit him.
Speaker 3:I'll babysit him. Aw, thank you, I would. When you go on vacation, I will take him.
Speaker 1:No one does. That's the problem with dogs, man.
Speaker 3:Like people will take your kid fast.
Speaker 1:But your dog, I'll take your kids.
Speaker 2:I A friend of ours yesterday, Uh-huh. So we were talking and our friend Y and your friend Y she goes you know, does Jackie still have her pets? I said no. She was like one thing I'm going to say about Jackie is she don't give a fuck when it comes to pets. She'd be like you don't want him, all right, take him to the HBCA. I'm like you're talking about chicken. Well, formerly coy Jackie had a cat named, well, cat. First of all, the mother, what?
Speaker 3:was the mother's name, so Sasha, right. Sasha was given to me. We're gonna do a little bit of background. Sasha was given to me because a friend of mine gave it to his side bitch and his side bitch said I didn't want that cat, I wanted a black cat. And I was like, damn, she's a bitch. Sasha was a bitch too, though, but she was my bitch right, so he gives me sasha. I had sasha and powder powder passed away, unfortunately powder was white so racist, I know right and then, uh, he passed away.
Speaker 3:Um, sasha, I never got sasha fixed. Sasha, we move now to. We move from the Bronx to Queens and she got from the Bronx.
Speaker 1:Now it makes sense.
Speaker 3:Right, so then all of a sudden yeah. So then there was this little outside cat used to meet her by the window in the basement, used to meet her by the window, and we didn't know mad, crazy stuff, we went. And we didn't know mad, crazy stuff, we went. We left one weekend like, took the kids out to pennsylvania and came back. My cat I remember that story opened the basement window because it's like one of those slide windows. Oh, boyfriend cat, boyfriend cat in my house. My house smelled like outside cat.
Speaker 1:I was like I don't know Cat sex. Yeah, Crazy People don't know the badussy you don't understand the cleaning I had to do.
Speaker 3:I was like I tried to sick my dog, Nina on the cat, Like get her out of here. Anyway, he impregnated my cat. Yeah, he impregnated Sasha. Sasha Hit and run had. Yes, Sasha Hit and run had. Yes, Sasha left the house.
Speaker 2:She said I don't want to live here anymore. Right, I want to be with my man Wait.
Speaker 1:Did she leave the kittens? No, she came back To have the kittens, okay.
Speaker 3:Because this is home Right.
Speaker 1:And you know.
Speaker 3:Mom's going to accept you, right, so I accept her back. She has her kittens, a litter of five. Four pass away, one survives. Damn yeah, pet cemeteries in front of my house, anyway, anyway, yep, that's the thing.
Speaker 1:I used to keep animals in the freezer when he died. So then all my birds.
Speaker 3:Okay, weirdo yeah.
Speaker 1:And my turtle.
Speaker 3:Okay so so she she leaves behind Koi, and we named him Koi because on his fur he looked like he had a koi fish.
Speaker 1:Like a Japanese koi Right.
Speaker 3:So cute, right, so we named him Koi. I was like fuck this cat, I don't want this cat. This cat got to go Right, but we're giving him to Koi.
Speaker 1:So you were talking shit about the girl that left Sasha behind, and now you want to leave Koi behind.
Speaker 3:First of all I didn't say Sasha could leave and have babies. She was underage. She left the house. So anyway, Koi had to go, Koi left, Koi went to our friend Kourtney. And she renamed Koi Chicken, because that was what he would respond to Chicken, she used renamed Coy Chicken Chicken Because that was what he would respond to Chicken. She used to call him Chicken Listen.
Speaker 2:That's absurd. But, anyway, jackie's a shit pet mom, but she's a great mom, I'm a great mom and a great plant mom. And I am a great plant. Mom, don't point at my plant. She's trying to revive her plant I am trying to revive her plant that looks like your Christmas tree look.
Speaker 1:Yo real quick guys Pizza's here.
Speaker 2:Oh, go, get it Pizza.
Speaker 1:Pause. What was I going to say?
Speaker 2:This is the.
Speaker 1:Mother's Day episode correct.
Speaker 3:Yes, I am a transition from. Yes, I am a bad. I'm not a bad Pet mom. I just don't like All the pets. They're just not all for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah exactly so Stick to plants and children. I am Just don't have any.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, I don't want any more children. I'm gonna stick to the ones that I have and the ones that you have. I'll take care of those. Oh, thank you.
Speaker 2:I fucking hate kids, but I love my own Parenting Podcast. Fucking hate my kids Damn. But you know what? Today I had a moment where I said I can't stand this freaking kid.
Speaker 3:Oh, I have that moment, all the time.
Speaker 2:I'm like Romeo, get dressed. Everybody's coming to the house. I'm dressed. I said you look crazy. His hair was like a rooster, like he's like. There's nothing wrong with my hair. I said, romeo, look in the mirror. There's nothing wrong with my hair. You over, I'm not going on the phone.
Speaker 1:You don't know the new styles.
Speaker 2:He looks like a, like a, a gajo, wow. And yeah, he doesn't want to cut his hair, he just wants to grow. He thinks.
Speaker 3:He doesn't want to cut his hair either. Yeah, you see his hair.
Speaker 2:What is it with these kids? I don't know.
Speaker 1:That's the style now.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:My nephew did that shit A couple years back and I remember my brother-in-law and I looking at him like Yo bro, you look stupid, like you look super stupid.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and him just looking, I was like we look stupid Some of them, because their hair looks freaking fried.
Speaker 1:That's the problem.
Speaker 3:They're not doing anything to it.
Speaker 2:And then you're going to come out with me and they're going to be like this mom, don't get herself a haircut, no haircut.
Speaker 3:Her hair looks crazy. Then they look like a rainbow.
Speaker 2:Yeah he wants to wear hoodies all the time by the way.
Speaker 1:Happy Mother's Day, guys. Thank you. Glad to Thank you so much. I don't say it just to say it. I say it because I know it.
Speaker 3:Oh, stop, I'm going to cry. Why would you cry?
Speaker 2:I'm emotional oh it's Mother's Day.
Speaker 1:You should be emotional, shouldn't? Shit? You pushed out four of them, shits you pushed out three.
Speaker 2:Yo, that ass. I pushed out two, and one came out of my belly.
Speaker 1:What, what? Oh, right, right, sorry guys, they were like what? Yeah, not my butt, I came out of my mom's ass.
Speaker 2:You ripped it. That's why he's an asshole yes.
Speaker 1:From birth baby. I came out with the shits.
Speaker 2:So, yes, mother's Day. Right For Valentine's Day. We spoke about what do men want for Valentine's Day. What do mothers want for Mother's Day? What I want is a kid-free day. Actually, I would like that because I'm with them every day. Yeah, I would like a spa day. I would like to go to social spas, enjoy the day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you want to come back from the spa and not see their faces.
Speaker 2:No, I'm fine with that, because at the spa I'm relaxing all day. No, you need it. I saw you at 8 pm yesterday. I'm not seeing you until 8.02 pm, the next day, but unfortunately that's not how it works here in this household, because I'm a single mama.
Speaker 1:You can make it happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to go to spa but I don't know wants.
Speaker 1:I want flowers. Sorry, if you were to just pop the kids in the car and show up at his crib, drop them off in the front of the door, just go down the block, don't really leave and be like yo. I left him there, what do you think would happen? You think he's gonna be like they can't come in here?
Speaker 2:first of all, do you even know where he lives? No, I don't, okay, so that she can't do that, I will have to look far in my messages for an address. But he doesn't live alone, he lives with his girlfriend.
Speaker 1:Even better, here you go.
Speaker 2:And her family.
Speaker 1:Oh no, that's different. All right, forget it. Erase that part from the show, Thank you.
Speaker 3:Do you know the shit show that would be spoken.
Speaker 2:If I drop my kids off over there.
Speaker 3:I'm the worst mother I can't believe she did't believe, how could she abandon her kids? I can't believe she did that. She just left you with them.
Speaker 1:Damn. Why did I set this up?
Speaker 2:She just left you with them. That's cool, but you know what they want to be with me, of course, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you're easy to deal with.
Speaker 2:Because I'm the cool mom Right Katie's.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So for Mother's Day, yeah, I would like a spa day, but realistically I'm not gonna go on Mother's Day, it's gonna be packed. So maybe I'll take a day off During the week or the following week. You know what I love? I love a Tuesday, so let's do that. We can do a Tuesday. Would you like to do a spa day For Mother's Day? Yeah, actually, okay.
Speaker 3:We can go on Tuesday. I'm down, that sounds good. I will call out sick, y'all going to Sojo Spa.
Speaker 1:You going to Edgewater.
Speaker 3:Sure.
Speaker 2:Have you been there?
Speaker 1:No, but I'm always there.
Speaker 3:I've never gone.
Speaker 1:I haven't gone to the actual spa.
Speaker 3:No, it's really nice.
Speaker 1:Baby mama went, she said it was fire.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so relaxing.
Speaker 3:Well, let's make a reservation, let's do that.
Speaker 2:Let's do that.
Speaker 3:that's what I want for Mother's Day I want a spa day.
Speaker 2:I would like some flowers and peace and quiet. What's?
Speaker 1:the obsession with flowers. What are you gonna do with flowers? I?
Speaker 2:love flowers. I love looking at flowers.
Speaker 1:I do too, actually do you not prefer plants?
Speaker 3:I do actually. Well, I'm, I'm not a plant mom. Okay, so I, I am a plant mom and I love plants what do you want for Mother's Day? Several. You want several? Uh, oh, for mother's day, I would like for no one to bother me. I don't want to like I don't want to talk, I don't want to text anybody, I want to call anybody, I want to do nothing. I just want to be at peace.
Speaker 3:However, this mother's day, I would love to just sit down and retreat by yourself yeah, I would love that, I would, I would, um, but that's not going to happen. However, this mother's day, um, I'll be will be in Tennessee, I'll be the dog is trying to get the pizza.
Speaker 3:Hello, oh my God. Um, no, I, I, yes, I would love that, but this mother's day I'll be in Tennessee. Um, me and my I call her my baby mama. Um, mike, mike's ex-wife and I, we are going to take Madison to Tennessee for her birthday, because her birthday is the 11th, the day before Mother's Day she's a Mother's Day baby. We're going to go see Bad Bunny because Bad Bunny in Tennessee.
Speaker 1:What in the world is happening here?
Speaker 2:I know I would like to see if that arena is sold out.
Speaker 1:Of course it is.
Speaker 2:You think so In Tennessee, we'll see. Are you wearing cowboy boots? You?
Speaker 3:know how many Mexicans live in.
Speaker 2:Tennessee. No, I don't actually.
Speaker 1:They have a huge Mexican. Do Mexicans like bad bunny, I would assume so. I love Tennessee.
Speaker 2:I know they like peso pluma.
Speaker 1:Nashville is fire.
Speaker 2:This is what I'm wearing. Let me see.
Speaker 1:Yeah, look at this type, look, look at that meat.
Speaker 2:Are you wearing cowboy boots?
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, I like that and a cowboy hat. You have the cowboy hat, a light up cowboy hat Like frilly skirt that I'm going to put on top of it. Really, yeah, we're going to do the whole nine. That's so cute. Madison wants us to be wild and I was like, all right, cool.
Speaker 2:Cool, I'm with the shits. I've been wanting to go to Nashville.
Speaker 1:Yes, I went last year. Is it fun? It's fun, it's fun. There's mad shit to do, especially if you go to Nashville. You go to the center of the city, which is probably where you're going to be, because the arena's right there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, right in the center.
Speaker 1:That whole. It's like a long-ass block. It's almost like the Vegas Strip, except it's Tennessee. It's bars, each bar. They have open bars like outside. Everybody serves pretty much the same drinks. There's one called an Angry Ball. If you have that or you're going to be in Madison, don't drink an Angry.
Speaker 2:Ball. Yeah, you're not going to be able to go to bars. Sucks to be you.
Speaker 3:They don't have like outside seating in a beach chair, right there they got good places to eat, yeah, especially barbecue.
Speaker 1:And in there you ask for an angry ball and that's like they take what's the? What is that? The cinnamon whiskey, fireball, fireball, right. And they take apple cider, angry orchard apple cider, put it in a cup. And then they take a shot of fireball, put it in there, and you're like, oh, this tastes so normal. Yo, that shit fucks you up.
Speaker 2:I want that. I would have heartburn.
Speaker 1:Angry ball. Ask for an angry ball. I'll just have one.
Speaker 3:I'll be like oh, Just one, because I'm going to be with a child.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, we'll go to Nashville again, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Nashville, Tenneke.
Speaker 2:I've been. Yeah, I said I'll go for my bachelorette party, since we, you know, in two years, in two years, johnny, don't look at me like that oh.
Speaker 1:I'm not.
Speaker 3:I'm like I was almost about to say.
Speaker 1:Bachelorette party, can I?
Speaker 2:see your hand for a second, excuse me Speaking of existence, absolutely. You know 100%.
Speaker 1:You guys like that marriage shit 100%. You guys like that shit I do I'm 40.
Speaker 3:Now I want to be, you know, I want to be with the same man for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1:Let me say but it has to be with marriage things. Yeah, oh, that's pretty cute yeah.
Speaker 3:Because I want to be like listen, listen, you fucking belong to me, don't play with me, you belong to me, that's what I want to be like Let me consult with my husband. Oh my god, it's so cute. I love it, and not that. That's what it's, all that's all we did it Right.
Speaker 1:It's just the title is pretty cool. You guys like that stuff. I love that.
Speaker 2:Husband Wife.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:You don't want to be a husband.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:You want to be a daddy. All day he wants to be a.
Speaker 1:I was born to be a dad. The hell. What's up with you guys? Little child in the presence.
Speaker 2:So, johnny, what are your Mother's Day plans? What are you doing for the mothers in your life?
Speaker 1:Eating, taking them out. Have a good time, take the kids away for a little bit.
Speaker 2:You're taking them out to eat without the kids. Yeah, oh, okay.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's nice. Who's gonna stay with the kids while the mothers are out? Grandpa is great oh, that's awesome, that's super sweet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really lucky. Yes, that is really really nice so, yeah, I think mothers, uh, I appreciate my mom and my sister, those are my moms, um, I celebrate them on dominican mother's day okay okay, fair yeah it makes life easier because you they only get one no, they obviously they get whatever they get.
Speaker 3:But I'm saying in terms of time wise okay, they get dominican mother's day and then your uh and regular mother's day, we spend their baby mama copy I got double gifts they don't get double gifts.
Speaker 1:No, they get double love. Okay, they get double gifts. No, they get double love.
Speaker 3:Okay, they get double. Happy Mother's Day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like hold on.
Speaker 2:Okay, okay, that's like Dominicans that have like two birthdays.
Speaker 1:Put that pressure on me.
Speaker 2:First of all, you couldn't have been born twice. Who the fuck has two birthdays? Some Dominicans have two birthdays.
Speaker 1:Oh, you're right.
Speaker 1:Actually my aunt is is, so she assumes she's a gemini, but really she was born in june 26, not may 26. Oh yeah, so she's a cancer. So what ends up happening in dominican republic? A lot of them go by this. So when you go, this is back in the 50s and 60s, when you went to file your child. You had to pay a specific tax from the time that they were born. So what, mind you? The city was like far. So let's say, my grandfather he had 10 kids, so he would go probably like a month later yeah, and he'd be like so they clear them
Speaker 2:yeah, they were just born yesterday, because that way you save money yeah, you don't look like a shit parent for not going to claim your kid so she's not a gemini?
Speaker 1:nah, she's a cancer yes, and then one of my aunts no.
Speaker 2:No, no, she's a Gemini, she's not a Cancer.
Speaker 1:Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2:That's what it was, she is a Gemini, she's a.
Speaker 1:Gemini, but she assumes she's a Cancer.
Speaker 3:Oh, does she act like a Gemini or a Cancer?
Speaker 1:She's actually boring and weird.
Speaker 3:She's a Pisces.
Speaker 1:Nah, nah, hold on. So they went a few months after, we don't even know what it is.
Speaker 2:It's not her fault. She's kind of weird.
Speaker 3:I have weird odds, you know, and I pick on them. No, I didn't say no.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm an asshole nephew, really yeah, they all love me the most. Because of that. I fuck around Like I don't fucking treat them like.
Speaker 2:Tia it's like I get to the house and it's like the first thing he told me he's like you're not gonna introduce me To your mother, you beast.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I get here and it's like I'm walking around. I'm like alright, her mom's staring at me. Hey, you wanna introduce you beast.
Speaker 2:I didn't mean to say beast, it just came out man. And I mean it's like Damn, she's a beast.
Speaker 3:No, look at me. I come in the house and I walk all the way around. I didn't even go say hi to mom.
Speaker 1:I did that no.
Speaker 3:I did. I did it all the way around. She's looking at me like and then I go to her. She's like my daughter. She remembered you today. I know she did.
Speaker 2:She did. My mom is sweet, but she, you know she needs her breaks. No, she, I need a break from her sometimes. So that's why my mom is at the casino while we're filming at home. Absolutely, because if not, there would be an endless amount of snacks and food and coffee and she didn't think that we were endless amount of care, amir there'll be an endless amount of care.
Speaker 1:How?
Speaker 2:dare she? Like you know, I love the food lazy susan with nothing no food on it that's what that that's what that's called.
Speaker 3:Yes, it's a lazy jasmine. It's a lazy jasmine because it doesn't have anything on it.
Speaker 1:Amir.
Speaker 3:I'm just going to say I feel slighted.
Speaker 1:That's about it.
Speaker 2:Listen, I am the queen of Uber Eats Okay.
Speaker 1:She is.
Speaker 2:And now you know why her mom's so tired.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she has to cook Actually.
Speaker 2:You know what? This beef stew that she made yesterday. She was mad at me Because she usually Doesn't cook on the weekends, right? So yesterday she cooked Because she didn't cook the day before. But I had plans, so she wanted to feed me when I got home and I'm like Ma, I don't want it. Put it in the refrigerator. Yeah, so there's beef stew with white rice, so I'll give you something to take.
Speaker 1:I will be taking this home. I will be having it for dinner as well. But you slave over a pot. You do all this stuff and then they come home and tell you yeah, I'll have it tomorrow as a leftover.
Speaker 3:Thanks, Let me tell you something. If my kids tell me they don't want to eat, I am heartbroken.
Speaker 1:You grab the food and just go heartbroken.
Speaker 3:You grab the food and just go. I don't want that. I'm like are you sure? Why don't you want to eat? Did you not like what I made? I'm a sucker. My kids ate it though. No, that's nice. At least they got food.
Speaker 1:My mom. I would be like nah, I'm not eating.
Speaker 3:All of a sudden, I'm just sitting there and all of a sudden, the plate just comes and it's like oh, you say you're Sorry, I didn't hear that part, right? It's like all right, I guess I'll eat food on top of food. You just eat a little bit. We're like I can't breathe. Mom, I just have a really bad stomach ache because you just had Chick-fil-A.
Speaker 1:Yo, this shit's undercooked.
Speaker 2:So for my mom, for Mother's Day, what I asked her, what she wanted I just want money to go to the casino. I just want money to go to the casino, Okay, and lose, and lose.
Speaker 1:First of all Because she goes to the one over here and nobody wins there. But it's entertaining, it is, it's for her. She likes it. My mom loves casinos. That's the thing.
Speaker 3:My mom too.
Speaker 2:I think that's our parent generation.
Speaker 1:They were all gamblers, they just like to spend money.
Speaker 2:It's true, they that's like in the back of the fucking bodega, my father owned the bodega over there on Grant McKinley before I was born right and we had a billiard you know that underground. I guess it was in the basement. Yeah, cause my sister had fell and broke her leg but they used to gamble over this fuck.
Speaker 1:She just slipped that in there. That's the explanation. It must have been because she slipped and broke her leg.
Speaker 2:She fell on the stairs in that store and broke her leg Before I was born. I didn't push her.
Speaker 1:Okay, before you were born, life was different. That was the 70s.
Speaker 2:Yeah, late 70s, early 80s.
Speaker 3:Wow, I didn't know that yeah, okay, so you guys heard about the pastor that came to church and decided to Wait.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what happened with that?
Speaker 1:His, his Dead mom wife.
Speaker 2:Dead mom, wife, wait what First?
Speaker 1:of all. Yeah, they had kids.
Speaker 2:Dead mom. Wife Dead wife.
Speaker 1:His dead wife, who was a mom.
Speaker 2:I don't understand.
Speaker 1:Did I really make that that confusing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you said dead mom wife. I'm like his mom and his wife.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, you said dead mom wife. I'm like his mom and his wife. No, his wife was his mother.
Speaker 3:All right. So it says they're in Kentucky. Here we have on Instagram an investigation launched after a South Carolina pastor gave a bizarre speech at church saying his wife died of suicide just hours before the church service. Let's read further.
Speaker 1:Hours before the church service.
Speaker 3:Let's read further. Misha Miller died by a gunshot wound to the head at Lumber River State Park in North Carolina. That's a real death, 100%. Pastor John Paul Miller gave an entire sermon on Sunday before mentioning he found out his wife died the night before. He called it a self-induced death, so she unalived herself.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:He unalived her. Miller instructed the church to not talk about her death inside the church. Lumber River State Park, where Misha's body was found, is about 70 miles from the church.
Speaker 1:Hold on His last name is Lumber no Lumber. River State Park is where the body was found is about 70 miles from the church. Hold on His last name is Lumber no Lumber.
Speaker 3:River State Park is where the body was found.
Speaker 1:You said Lumber Miller State Park.
Speaker 3:Lumber River State Park. You know that place, I don't know what this is.
Speaker 1:This is North Cackalacka, it sounds about white John Paul. Sounds about right.
Speaker 2:Sounds about right. Sounds about right.
Speaker 3:There's wild people out here, correct?
Speaker 1:How would you guys react To your pastor Hold?
Speaker 3:on. Misha's friends and family Are questioning exactly what happened. And are calling For accountability. While Miller says His wife has struggled With suicide, misha's family Suggests that Something more sinister Could be going on, as we Too believe. Because why? Misha was a God-fearing, joyful, loving woman who did not deserve the abuse she endured a cryptic abuse a cryptic post from her sister read on facebook.
Speaker 3:This has to be at least looked into deeply. There's got to be something, some accountability here. A friend said misha's final social media post was a selfie that read when terrible, terrible, terrible things happen to you. Y'all know what I'm talking about rpf, resting peace, face what that was her last wait a second. So then maybe we can't exclude suicide but according to court filings, misha had filed for divorce from Miller weeks before she died.
Speaker 2:He killed her for insurance money, maybe.
Speaker 1:She was going to take half. Do they give insurance for suicide?
Speaker 3:No, they don't. They don't. They don't. They only give it for accidental deaths. I don't think that there is, and I mean. Anybody correct me if I'm wrong, if you know. You know about life insurance, but I'm almost 100 sure that if it's a suicide they do not it wouldn't make sense yeah at that point I'm gonna kill myself and leave my kids good right, because a lot of people would, would do that they only do for like accidental and uh, what's the other one?
Speaker 1:uh non-accidental natural causes yo, you know there's clauses right in these life insurance things about what was COVID. What do you call those kind of disasters? Pandemic yeah, like a pandemic, but it's like a specific word of a disaster. If you die from that, they don't pay your life insurance. So a lot of people that died during the COVID era didn't get life insurance money for their families.
Speaker 3:Get the fuck out of here. Yes.
Speaker 1:Are you serious? A lot of those things have that cost, so where does all that?
Speaker 2:money go, all the money you paid throughout the years.
Speaker 1:They're in pockets. It's called profit. Yeah, it's called big minute, daddy. It's called profit.
Speaker 3:Or mommy, it's a something crisis.
Speaker 1:I can't remember the word, yeah, I know it's a something. But if that type of stuff happens like, let's say, like we get hit by a nuclear bomb, right, and you die, God forbid. Shit happens and you got kids in California Nuclear bomb and shit happens, huh.
Speaker 2:Damn, that's what we doing.
Speaker 3:No, because you fucking said that Yo, South Korea exists.
Speaker 1:Or is it North?
Speaker 3:Korea, North Korea honey.
Speaker 2:Sorry, koreans Listen you can't talk Asian assailant. What did I do?
Speaker 3:I love Korean barbecue, First of all this is. Asian, this is Asian.
Speaker 1:This is an Asian household.
Speaker 3:No, no, no, Asian American Pacific, I don't know Pacific Islander. Pacific Islander. Yeah, oh month Pacific.
Speaker 1:I don't know, pacific Islander month.
Speaker 3:Oh, it is.
Speaker 1:Shout out to the Filipinos, shout out to the Asians, thank you so these microphones, they pop if you continue to yell at them, because you are popping in my ear.
Speaker 3:So please, you plan on yelling I?
Speaker 1:heard it all right. So yeah, isn't it mental health awareness month as well? You're right isn't it Mental Health Awareness Month as well?
Speaker 2:You're right, isn't it? Isn't it?
Speaker 1:Mother's Day month as well.
Speaker 2:And it is also Mother's Day month.
Speaker 1:You know it's only 12 months, so unfortunately it's also. May the 4th be with you.
Speaker 3:I said that earlier Today's May 4th.
Speaker 1:No, today's Mother's Day. No, it's not, it's episode.
Speaker 2:Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day.
Speaker 1:Okay, may the 4th was last week. Yeah, was it? When is Mother's Day? May 13th.
Speaker 3:Yes, that's today. No, it's May 12th.
Speaker 1:Same. Thing.
Speaker 3:All right, forget it.
Speaker 1:May the 4th be with you mothers today on Mother's Day.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, he's like I, he's like I don't give a shit. We have ADD. So, johnny, tell us about this story that you shared on social media.
Speaker 3:Wait, hold up, wait can we go back to did this guy yeah guys.
Speaker 2:So we finished talking about that, you think what he did what do you think he did? I think that it can either be a gone girl thing. No, they found her body, bro. It was she killed herself that it can either be a gone girl thing.
Speaker 1:No, they found her body, bro, it was Miraculous.
Speaker 2:She killed herself, maybe, and she's framing her husband. No, it's Miraculous.
Speaker 1:Deception. Yes, what is it? What is the opposite?
Speaker 2:Miraculous Conception, conception.
Speaker 1:It's Miraculous Detachment.
Speaker 3:There's more to this story Deception or whatever Miraculous Deception.
Speaker 2:No actually he killed her and made it seem like a suicide because of her cryptic message, because, he was abusing her. She was going to divorce and she was going to say that he liked watching child porn. Inappropriate stuff on internet.
Speaker 1:Yeah, male porn ain't bad anymore. My bad Corn.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's like the default's it called.
Speaker 2:Corn. Well, I think, because they live in when they live in South Carolina.
Speaker 3:North Carolina.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's.
Speaker 3:North Carolina.
Speaker 2:Hold on.
Speaker 1:Can we guess what race they are?
Speaker 3:I think they are. Does it say how cautious? No, we saw pictures bro.
Speaker 1:Oh, they're from the Caucasus.
Speaker 2:Sounds about right. They're from the Caucasus Islands. Correct Sounds about right Caucasus Mountains, caucus Islands Sounds about right, caucus Mountains Sounds around.
Speaker 1:I know Nick Cannon over here, don't get me expelled or whatever. It was Canceled, I said expelled. No he was talking about the Jews, bro. We don't. No, we don't talk about that. Yeah, we don't go there. Yeah, but they were talking about the Caucus Mountains.
Speaker 2:I'm 6% Jewish.
Speaker 3:We don't. That's crazy.
Speaker 1:And if you want to know more about Drake, you can go on our Patreon. Oh fact though. Oh my God, I said, oh my God, I'm having erectile dysfunction.
Speaker 2:He likes Johnny's crotch area.
Speaker 1:I thought it was me just getting stiff. What's he?
Speaker 2:smelling down there.
Speaker 1:Nah, he's in love with Johnny. Look at him.
Speaker 2:Doesn't he look like the dog from the Neverending Story? Yeah, oh shit ass, he does. It's because of the ears right.
Speaker 1:Is that the ears?
Speaker 3:It's his face, Look at his face, no, his face.
Speaker 1:The face. I'm trying to remember his name.
Speaker 3:Pisces are animal, people, animals, I mean. He likes me too, so whatever, no, no, he likes you. If you like you this much, yes he kept on coming to me.
Speaker 1:He has head on my lap.
Speaker 3:I was petting him because that time of the month he's like when you watch me, when you, when your dog is in me.
Speaker 2:Please don't give me to the aspca, I won't come back to my dog.
Speaker 3:Somebody bought you and I could get. I get to give him to back to his mother well, anyway, I don't think he did anything.
Speaker 1:I think her message prior to that saying like yo life sucks and this shit is crazy and whatever she said abusive thing showed me that she was ready to go, she was over it and she shot herself in the head.
Speaker 3:I think he's a freaking weirdo.
Speaker 1:How you go to church after that you went right to church Because you need Jesus To fucking you know, feel better about the loss of your life.
Speaker 3:I'm pretty sure that they would, you think, jesus wants to be Carried in Like dragged into this. I have questions. Right, does Jesus want?
Speaker 2:to he minding his business WWJD.
Speaker 3:What would Jesus do? Right?
Speaker 2:What would.
Speaker 1:Jose do he would forgive you no, okay, not for murder it's not murder, it's getting over your wife's death. You need your people. He's like yo. Let me go to church.
Speaker 3:Okay, so my question is.
Speaker 1:He says this happened.
Speaker 3:I would assume I just have a lot of questions right. So my one question is were the police involved before he even mentioned this at church, or is he mentioning this at church before the police involved before he even mentioned this at church? Or is he mentioning this at church before the police are involved?
Speaker 1:Yeah, because then they found it in the woods, didn't they?
Speaker 3:Yeah, wait, they found her body in the woods. I just said that, bro, are you listening? She found her in the woods with a gunshot. I'm hungry.
Speaker 1:Yo pause the episode real quick.
Speaker 2:Yo, we need a pizza. Eat a slice. Go eat a slice, man. We could just come back to this. You're not yourself when you're hungry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we could just come back to this Jasmine, we could just come back to this let's feed the moms.
Speaker 3:Here he's like Feed the moms because my brain hurts and it's 318 and I haven't consumed anything all day.